I'm calling off the wedding?

Question

My fiance and I decided it was ok for him to have strippers at his party and he said I could have strippers at my part as well. both parties are tonight. well the problem is i saw a text from my fiance phone his friend is asking him if he still want to run the train on this girl? i didnt know what running a train was so I asked him. he said it's just a lap dance she gives every guy at the party. I know now that it means having s*x with her. why would he want to have s*x with another girl I want to know if this is true. I feel so stupid. the wedding is saturday,

Answer 1

So what about these "friends".  Will they be in the picture in the future?  This is just one event - where a guy has to often prove he's macho (stupid men, eh?), and who knows whether he meant to do it, blah blah.   But will he hang out with these guys in the future?  Are they relatives, good buddies, etc?  Who is the instigator?  And does that person have any power over the groom?  

It seems a bit more complicated than the 'one night stand' -- good luck working it out, as it will have implications for your future relationship with his buddies - and your place as a wife in that universe.  I guess he has to decide who comes first?  Be strong!

Answer 2

confront your fiance about it. trust is a HUGE part of a marriage. If you cant trust him not to cheat on you, it's better not to get married right now.

Added: he's not going to the party now? That's pretty cool of him. I would take that as him not wanting you to worry about him cheating. If he's ditching his own party for you, I think the wedding should go on.

My hubby's friends tried to throw him a party with strippers. My husband refused to go and told them not to have it. He said there is no way in h**l he would do that to the woman he loved. He would never cheat on me, but it still looks fishy, ya know what I mean.

Answer 3

I think the bigger issue is that you don't believe your fiance when he tells you that's not what it is.  

Answer 4

why are you getting married to someone you don't trust? is this new (cold feet)? has he given you a reason to think that he sleeps around?  

Answer 5

It's quite the usual thing for a man's friends to try to sabotage(with or without subtlety) the relationship when one of their buddies decides to get married. It's also not all that unusual for your man to have that one friend who's a total pig!

I think him staying away from that party is a good idea, and maybe you should eschew yours, too. A amusement park/rolllercoaster fest, a skydiving event, or something else designed to raise the adrenaline, might be a better idea. As a reward, maybe you could strip for each other!

Another option is to go to The Fourty Deuce in Las Vegas, or some other venue that has REAL burlesque performers(who can shake their money-makers at 140 beats per minute).

You might want to warn that girl too. I'm betting she doesn't know about the train trip! I know a bit about that business, and often guys plan all sorts of interesting things without asking the performer...

Answer 6

If I was you I would tell your fiance that you know what "running the train" really is and then ask him what is going on!  Tell him the stripper thing was ok, but have s*x with someone else is totally out of the question!

Communication is the key to a great marriage, use it now!!!

I feel for you!!!  Keep your head, and communicate with him.  Voice your concerns!!!   Also if you don't have trust your not going to have a good marriage!!!

Answer 7

Running the train means when more than one guy in a gathering has s*x with the same gal, one after the other....it can refer to passing around a prostitute, or a gang rape...it's urban slang......

he sure as h@ll knows what it means, sweetie.......if you suspect at all he's 'pulling the wool' over your eyes, then to marry him with this kind of deception/trust issue between you is foolish.......and if there was nothing more than a mistake in understanding the expression, he wouldn't suddenly not go & stay home with you....something's fishy here........your call. But I do warn you, if he was planning on having s*x with this gal, then he's done it before (cheating on you)....you just didn't find out about it......the fact he was planning on it is just as bad as if he already went thru with it.........good luck.

Answer 8

WOW, thats a tough one...Infidelity AND lies all right before the wedding. Only you can decide if you want to call off the wedding or not over something like this. Thikn of the future and how he might be in the future if he's doing this now. This is why both my fiance and I decided not to do the stripper thing. we're actually having a bachelor/bachelorette party together :o)

Good luck, and make sure to talk things through befire you make any decisions...

Answer 9

Call off the wedding because he don't have any business having s*x with a  girl and he is getting married. When you asked him he didn't tell you the truth if he did that then he will do it in the marriage. He don't even know what that girl has. And one of the boys that are running the train could have the aids and he could go after them and he could get the aids. And he didn't know that one of them had it so you and him have s*x and he give the aids to you. See will he tell you the truth and if he don't you tell him what you know and then if he still lies that is when you say the wedding is off.  

Answer 10

Oh no....

I would firstly confront your fiance.  You need to make it very clear about what you are comfortable with as far as this party is concerned and set boundaries.  He can very well not have known what it meant, however, you still need to clarify this whole situation and your feelings.  

Secondly, I would confront his friends.  The big problem with bachelor parties is that guys have a tendency to use it as an excuse to do whatever they want.  Most of the time, the groom doesn't want something but the other guys do and they end up with what the other guys want.  I would put my foot down on this one and tell them how you feel and that you are angry.  Their irresponsibility and immaturity CAN lead to a rift between you and your fiance!  I would drive home the fact that they have pretty much broken your trust and are disappointed and angry at them.

I'm sorry that you are going through this, but it'll be okay in the end.

Answer 11

Well he could be lying and now just trying to get out of it bc you caught him, or

His friend could be an idiot and just asked them bc that is what men do knowing he had no intention to do it or

He could be just talking that way with his guy friends bc thats how men are and he didnt want to look like a wuss infront of the boys...

What ever the reason is the point is you dont trust him, so you probably shouldnt marry him unless you trust him.  

Answer 12

as a boy i would know what this is....his friend was exagerating....its like saying...im going to kill him...but your not really.....when he says run a train on her he really means are they actually gonna higher her to strip at the party.....his friends just stupid as sh.it.....dont take any thought to this because it simply means that they are going to have lap dances all around.....calm down and good luck on your wedding!

Answer 13

How do you now know that 'running a train' means having s*x?

It could seriously mean just having a lap dance.

However, I find it pretty disturbing and immature that your fiance would want even a lap dance 2 days before your wedding. Gross.

If you feel this is a valid reason to call off the wedding, then do it. Do you think he is cheating on you?  

Answer 14

Running a train is just a bunch of lap dances a stipper gives for money.  I know alot of stippers I know it's weird and it makes you feel uncomfortable right now, but I am sure if he really loves you the entire time he will have you on his mind.  If you are really going to call off the wedding because of what he is doing at his bachlor party then you should have said so in the begining and not let it go this far.  I would just brush it off really it's going to be some nasty chick rubbing her nasty c**t all over all the guys in the room.  How turned on can they all really get.  It's all in good fun.  So don't worry so much you have to trust your man to do the right thing, if he doesn't and you find out about it then call off the wedding.  But enjoy your night tonight and don't worry about him.  Good luck and best wishes for the rest of your life.

Answer 15

do you think he would even do that or its his friend being a jerk and joking around?  

Answer 16

i just want to let you know that running a train means when multiple guys have s*x with the same girl one after the other

Answer 17

If he cheats at the Stag it means he has cheated and will cheat again.

A Stag party is just an excuse for what he would do anyway.

Answer 18

The friend is an idiot. You know your guy best, so, TALK TO HIM. In a calm and respectful way... it may be as simple as his friend thinking that he would send a funny text... guys do that. OR it could be something more. Either way, make the right decision with all of the facts.

Good luck.

Answer 19

could it just be his friend asking him that because his friend is an idiot or do you honestly think he wanted to have s*x with another girl tonight?  if you have reason to believe he wanted to have s*x then I think calling off the wedding might be the best bet, but if you are unsure then you need to explain this to him and tell him you ar eno longer comfortable with these parties.  if he agrees then all is probably ok.  if he makes a big deal then walk.

Answer 20

I thought it meant that a woman is with one guy, then his friend, then his other friend, ect. and passed around.    Maybe your fiance doesn't know the meaning of the word, and honestly thinks it means lapdance.  Maybe his friend is pressuring him to have one last night with another woman before he is married.  (how much do you know about his friend, do you trust him?  more importantly - do you trust your fiance?)  Did you ask him if he plans on doing it?  And what does he think about you doing it as well?

Answer 21

well if he asked "do you want to run a train?" I might be a bit pissed, But he asked..."Do you STILL want to run the train" That means it was already talked about..your hubby 2 b knows what was going to happen, and talked about it, just someone has to get it started...Tell him it's over, for even considering it...See Nothing good come of strippers...Why do you think they do what they do..Beacuse they are trash!

Answer 22

The real term is "pulling a train" and Brittani U is correct.  Only "multiple guys having s*x with the same girl one after another" is not exactly how it's usually expressed.  Her definition was cleaned up... a LOT.