I'm confused, upset and don't know what to do anymore. Need you help!?

Question

I am 14 years old and to be honest I have never had a good life.

I have ben bullied my whole life... literally and recently my mum and dad have been having problems but i didn't think it would go as far as divorce.

My mum is moving out and i want to live with them both but if i go with my mum i wont be able to see my dad but if i go with my dad i wont be able to see my mum.

What do I do? Because If i go with my mum then i will loose the best mates i have ever had but if i go with my dad i wont have the better lifestyle but may still be able to see my friends.

What do I do because this is really upsetting me!

Please help me!

Answer 1

That's hard, sorry to hear it. I think you need your friends more than ever now. Why can't you see mum if you live with dad? It shouldn't be a problem to see both and neither should stop you seeing the other.

Think about what is best practically and emotionally for you. Good luck

Answer 2

awwwww bless you poor baby :( i personally would go with your mum and if you got a pc get all ur m8s to set up a msn or yahoo and stay incotact with them then invite them to come and see you :)

if you need a true freind to chat to when your upset im here for you and i dnt like seeing people upset

have a huge cuddle from me :)

go with your mum :)  

Answer 3

You poor thing.

Many times adults forget, in the mire of their own arguments, that the lives of others are being affected.  It isnt because they dont love you but because they are so engrossed in their own problems that they fail to see the affect of their actions on others.

You HAVE to have your voice.  You have to say to both of them that the way they are behaving is affecting you, that their actions are making you choose and you never wanted to do that.  You didnt ask to be born and you didnt sign up to the 'which one do you want' camp either.

The only thing I can suggest to you is that you spend the weekdays with the one who is nearest to your school and will create the least change in your daily routine in that respect.

Then go and stay with the other parent at weekends.

If it is the case that one of the parents is moving away to some distance, then if you wish to stay in your present school, stay with that parent and visit the other parent during the holidays.

This is so difficult for you and there is actually no easy answer I'm afraid.  But your voice needs to be heard. If they wont listen to you together, then talk to them separately, and if that doesnt work, is there a family member, an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent who can speak on your behalf?

Try some of these suggestions and see how you get on.  You too have to decide now what it is you want.

Good luck.

Answer 4

arrange a surprise for them both.....u ask ur dad or talk to him ..about giving ur mom a gift ......and Tell dad how much mom loves u .....and the same way tell ur mom....... and ask her that dad is sorry for what he had done ........and tell ur mom to arrange dinner for him...............and there will be a very happy ending ..............really u should try this.............just tell them

Answer 5

hey hun i think it is very unfair that they have actually put you in this position i always said i would go wiv my mum unless she ran off n left me or summat can always keep in touch wiv your friends and they can always come c ya but at end of day it wat you want

Answer 6

If it's a difference between lifestyles and your good mates.. the answer should be obvious I think.  I think you can still have a good lifestyle, because you could work some sort of schedule or arrangement between your two parents and live with one for an amount of time then switch off to the other one.  But if you were to move away, you'll probably lose your friends.

Answer 7

Life can be cruel.   It would be wrong to give glib answers

But sadly you cannot go with them both.

The court will make a decision (but take your wishes into account)

Go with their decision then neither parent can blame you.

But you are old enough to visit the other one

You will be in my prayers

Answer 8

i feel realy sorry for u and for a start ur parents should not be putting u through this situation,i would stay were u are settled and were u friends are u may need them more now to support u with what u are going through maybe u need to sit down with both ur parents and tell them how u feel about it  

Answer 9

Stay with friends there are worth more than life style.  

Answer 10

Well this is what i say-

To the bullies tell them to shove it

And to your parents i'd actually go with your mother and come back to your dad for a while in the holidays instant message your Friends and just make of it i suppose you cant turn back time,

Good Luck,

Andrew  

Answer 11

Talk to your parents and also your friends.  Your parents may not want to be with each other, but I'm sure they want what is best for you and maybe jointly they will work round helping you.

Answer 12

live independently.

Answer 13

Lossa. This is not a great time for you. You need your friends around you. A space to think and study. You are reaching an age were life will throw you lots of decisions. Your dad will know all you tell him and tell him the truth. You have schooling and friends to consider it is not about dad or mum. Its not about lifestyle. Your decision is yours. It will affect you even later in life when you have your own family. Let them know you and tell them you need them. They will make the effort i'm sure of it. Dads love their daughters and know they need their mums.

Answer 14

If you're 14, how come you wont be able to see the one you dont live with? Will you have to move miles away? Surely you get SOME say in the custody hearing, if they have asked your opinion and let you have a choice, give it to them straight. The divorce is not your fault and nothing to do with you, and you wont let them take one of your parents away and be used like this by them in their fights between each other. You may have been bullied but I'm guessing you now see yourself as a perpetual victim and you seem totally unable to stand up for yourself. You could stop all this c**p right now you know, if you address that aspect of YOUR personality and own it as your

problem to solve rather than seeing it as being inflicted on you and you have no control over it. You DO have control. Even if you dont feel like it inside, ACT like you are confident, expect to be listened to and taken seriously, and dont go quietly into the fate other people try and land you with! Remind these two that they are your parents and are meant to care enough that your welfare shouldnt get completely upstaged by their issues. If they wont have it, look into going into care if nothing more than to give them a shock out of their selfish current behaviour. Trying to make you choose like that is nothing but child cruelty.