I'm confused, why is it so wrong to come home late at night when you are in a relationship?

Question

I never did understand why people who are in relationships and are living together have such a fit if one or the other goes out and comes late at night. If I wanted to cheat, ima cheat regardless, day or night....why does coming home during the wee hours of the night of to constitute that way of thinking?

Also, I do so many men out there say that it is not good for a woman to be out late in the night. I am a night owl, damnit, if I wanna go out to see a late movie by myself are go for a long drive or to a bar to drown my sorrows with liquor then ima do it, why do I have to be a w***e if I am out late at night? Please, help me understand..thanks guys

Answer 1

This goes back to the old fashion ways of viewing courtship and how a woman should conduct herself. Back in the old days, the only women that where out late at night where the "ladies of the night" or women looking for someone to pay their rent. So mothers and fathers would speak ill of a daughter that wanted to stay out late at night kicking her heals up in the local "Juke Joints" as my grandparents used to call them.

Now, the issue with a partner coming home late at night or early in the morning date back to the same error. If a man came home at 3am after being up in the clubs, smelling like moonshine with lipstick on his collar, what's the first thing his wife is going the think? Same thing with a woman. Once you've found your "soul mate" there is no need for you to be out late at night, because you found what you where looking for back at home. Most people who're in the clubs and bars past midnight are looking to hook up with someone, or establish a connection with someone that they may later “get with” in a time of need (If you understand what I'm saying). If my boyfriend came creeping into bed at 3am, I would tell him to take his stuff and go back where he came from. And I'm sure he would do the same to me. It's just a respect thing. It has noting to do with cheating. Because like you said, he/she is going to cheat regardless of what limitations you put on them. But respect me enough to come home at a decent hour. And there are a lot of people that feel that way.

If your relationship is open enough where your man can come home and lay in the bed with you past 3 after being with god knows who, then I would suggest your re-evaluate the relationship the two of you have (unless it’s an open one). Even then you put yourself at risk of allowing him to possibly bring something home to you that a shot of penicillin can’t cure. Or if he’s cool with you being in the bars past a certain time, then that’s on you guys. But I know for me personally, in my relationship, if we do go out, he calls me, or I call him. I let him know where I’m at, what we’re planning to do next, and I make sure I make it home no latter than 1am. Because really after 12:30, the DJ’s played all the songs he/she was going to play for that night (Now his/her mp3’s are on repeat), everyone is pretty much feeling good, and have made up their mind who they’re going home with, and the club (most clubs and bars) start to clear out about 1:30 to 2:00am. So for me, I’m home no later than 1:30am. And my man does the same for me out of respect for one another. But I guess once you get little older you’ll understand. And if you are drinking your sorrows down with liquor then I suggest you get some help. Drinking your problems down does nothing but create more problems and makes matters worse.

Answer 2

You are simply more likely to meet someone out late, thats all.  It sounds like you and hubby have some trust issues to work out.

As far as women being out late at night, this is when more crimes against women (and in general) occur.

I think you better check why you got married in the first place if you truly want to understand.  Your marriage problems are not a societal issue...but an issue within yourself and your husband.

Answer 3

Because nothing good happens at night to a gal by herself. Sorry - it's reality. Especially getting drunk alone.

It's OK to be a night owl, but you just need to make sure you are careful when you go out. There are some nuts out there that would be more than happy to take advantage of a woman drinking or watching a movie alone.

Also, my ex husband used to go out every Friday and not come home until four in the morning. Would you be cool with that if you were in a relationship?

Answer 4

I don;t understand either.  It it a society thing that is assumed you are cheating.  Do what you want and if your man does not trust you then you shouldn't be together anyway.

Answer 5

Well your parents thinks it is because theyre afraid you and this guy like could be doing it together thats what they think idk why

Answer 6

Jealous people can't live with the idea that you are coming late at night, you could be doing something...that you shouldn't be doing, so as a favor to them, you don't come that late without telling them what's going on.

Also,returning at 3 am leaves them 6 hours of worry...why if something happened to her??

It's not good for anyone, the world is a dangerous place, and at night there is less vision and less people, so you can get kill, robbed,kidnapped, hit by a car, raped, insulted, punched, sacrificed, etc.

It's not only cuz you can be a "whor!"...it's also a big worry...sucks, but there are bad people out there...or just and accident..

Answer 7

The big reason I would say it is wrong is because you say it is. If you want to question this idea, think about this idea, and express this idea that this is wrong then you may be feeling some guilt or remorse for your actions. If your intentions were really as innocent as you say or if you had real business being out at that time (for instance you work the graveyard shift at the local grocery store so you can be home during the daytime with your children, your BF/spouse knows this and appreciates your contribution) then you wouldn't be feeling like you have to defend your "right to be out late". And just because you are a night owl does not mean you have to be at a bar or in a theater. You could get a job during those hours if you really are predisposed to being up all night. Then you would be enjoying life during the time you love most AND turning it into a profit making venture instead of one that has the potential to put you into danger or cost you buckets of money. Then your point would truly have some merit. It's the actions you are trying to defend during that time frame that have an impact on why this would seem wrong. Historically speaking, impulse drinking has caused more divorces then saved marriages. Driving at night is more dangerous for obvious reasons and anyone driving at night hours is choosing to put themselves at a higher risk (and in your case for no personal profit that would seem obvious). To the level headed and logical, this seems like a waste. Also, if some one really wants to "drown their sorrows" in a bar, more people are going to be awake during earlier evening hours to give them a ride home if they should become too drunk to drive. Or they can be completely safe with the driving ticket and stay home to drink! Those who love us want us to stay safe. They know our ability to stay safe is higher when we are taking less risks. When we choose to take more risks not only does it worry our loved ones, but it shows them that we are not taking their love for us into consideration by making them worry "needlessly". I would suggest to some one that if they truly just enjoyed being out and about these hours that they at least turn these hours into something more self fulfilling and profitable. There are many night time profit opportunities that do not involve being in a bar, potential drunk drive accidents (more people coming home at 2am are drunk then those driving at 2pm), or risk taking. Their "innocence" would seem a lot less suspect under such circumstances.

Answer 8

People who like "doing whatever they want" should stick to being single.

Im guessing that noone was pointing a gun at your head when you agreed to go out with your boyfriend.

Chances are, there were things you wanted out of the relationship and things you expect of your boyfriend.

Should he flirt with other girls because "you know he is coming home to you anyway"?  There is always a line to be drawn in a relationship....and if it is something you cant handle, the relationship isnt for you.

People get in relationships KNOWING that there is an element of compromise to everything.  You both have to work together to maintain happiness.....it isnt easy, and it isnt meant to be.

The Golden Rule is "treat everyone like you would like to be treated", but in a relationship, it is more like "Treat the person how they want to be treated".  It is YOUR JOB to make your boyfriend happy....and his job to make you happy (even if he doesnt understand your reasons).

If relationships were easy, people wouldnt cheat all the time and everyone would be married!

Answer 9

I think it's just because.  Ya know?

Answer 10

Becuz for a Spouse, too long out late at night leaves open alot of doubts and arouses suspicion.

It happened to me before, so that's why I am saying this.

  Of course every situation is different for ppl living together.

Answer 11

I do believe most men think it's ok for them to do it, but their woman better not do it.  I think it's a respect issue. You are right, if you're going to cheat, you could do it anytime of the day or night, but, it's just not right to stay out half the night and not expect your other half to not be upset.  What if he did it to you all the time........don't even say it wouldn't bother you!

Answer 12

because the guy thinks your doing something other than what your doing.

Answer 13

thats why i hate relationships

a man always tries to take control and once they attempt to control me i dump them.

it doesnt make you a w***e your boyfriend is obviously just insecure and scared that you'll cheat.Tell him that your his and only his and if he cant understand that then the relationship will just get weaker and weaker.

Answer 14

Then you need to find a guy who believes you are his equal in every way....otherwise, you will be stuck with jealous boys who don't treat you how they would like to be treated.

Answer 15

First of all, as you mentioned, your significant other is going to assume you're cheating on him or her if you're out late at night. you said regardless of the time of day, you'd still cheat, but that's not really the case. you're much more likely to cheat if you go out, have a few drinks, and it's late night.

And it's not all about cheating. If your s.o. has to stay home while you are out all night without them, they're going to feel neglected and lonely. what's so wrong with taking them with you?

Answer 16

Each relationship is individual and has its' own way of being.

My opinion: it isn't "wrong" or "right" to stay out late (there are couples who do this occasionally, together or separate), it's simply a matter of what you both agree to and feel comfortable with in your relationship, the boundaries you set and the compromises that you make for each other.

I suggest before moving in together, having a clear idea of each other's lifestyle, to see if you can fit and find a middle ground in which both can be happy and content without imposing over each other, nor attempting to change the person you fell in love with, while still being yourself. Balance is the key.

Answer 17

u are right. u are a night owl and that is fine. people need to lighten up right?

Answer 18

You really need to understand what a relationship is all about.  Why do you have a need to drink alone, go for long drives, see a late movie by yourself, all in the wee hours of the morning?  What would your reaction be if your husband did the same?  It has nothing to do with cheating, it's all about wanting to be alone at night.  What the h**l's with that?

I was married to the same women for 48 years, then she died.

We enjoyed each other's company and we loved and trusted each other very much.  I can't fathom why you believe your behaviour is normal other than you're not happy with your relationship.  If you want to remain in this relationship, you have an obligation to get off your own selfish needs and work out a mutually satisfying lifestyle.

Answer 19

It called not being selfish if you want your relationship to last you have to give a little. Maybe you used to be a night owl when you were single but you not now ,and its also called consideration. Your man doesn't want you out late at a bar drowning your sorrows why not have a little drink in your front room and rent a video & being safe, instead of putting yourself out there as if you are single looking for a mate now that you found one try to understand a man worries when his woman isn't satisfied and feels the selfish need to continue acting single. Decide what is more important your man or the bar.I have been married 30 years just in case you wondered. When men see a woman alone late at nite they think to them selves she must not be happy and her man dont care. That is why he gets mad at you. Consider your self lucky to have found love. Some people never do. So why not give a little and try to understand how this affects your man.