I'm confused???

Question

My husband and I have been preparing to foster-adopt a little boy. We have four kids, (ages 10, 7, 3, and 1), and that is really all we have room for. We wanted to open our hearts and our homes and help a child out. But after reading some of the questions and posts on here about adoption, I'm almost afraid we are doing more harm than good. I don't understand and I'm very confused.

Answer 1

I would like to know more about Silent sally and the lie errrrrrr I mean the story she told about her friend being raped.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 2

Take it from someone who knows, adoption and foster care saves children from a merciless system. I was adopted as an infant and got the health care I needed. We recently foster-adopted my little sister from a very abusive home. We now have two loving parents who care for us more than anything in the world. If four more children have a better place in the world than they would in an orphanage, that's four more people who make the world a better place when they're grown.

Answer 3

I think you should adopt the child....Take the chances and make the life's of kids better....

Answer 4

Please do not let people here discourage you.  Adoption is a personal choice.  No one here has the right to bully anyone into decisions.  If this is what you and your family want to do, then go for it.  

However, if you have any doubts in your mind, please make sure you are comfortable with your decision for the child's sake.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I whole heartedly support foster adoptions, children stuck in the foster care system deserve first priority. ALWAYS! You're reading alot of opinions on the infant, private, domestic adoption industry in America which is different than Foster Care where children have been removed, for reasons, and need secure stable homes.

Answer 6

I really suggest you go someplace else. Don't let people fool you here, if  they supported foster to adopt than I would not been attacked the way I am both here, by email and by thumbs down since that is my job....working with abandoned children. However flawed Romanian's foster care is orphanages. There is a huge problem in YA adoption forum and truthfully anyone looking for real answers should go elsewhere. Try cafemom it has a group called adoption beauty marked and has many adult adoptee's, birth mothers, and Ap. I think you would learn more there.

Answer 7

The posts that challenge adoption are challenging adoption methods in some types of adoptions.  In fact, one of the challenges is about why more people don't choose foster-adoption instead of wanting newborns.  There are so many kids in the foster care system.  But so many of them do not get adopted because they are older and/or may have "baggage."  I don't think you'll find anyone here who has any problems whatsoever with foster-adoption, since adoption really is supposed to be about finding good families for children who have none.  Good luck to you and your family!

Answer 8

you got a good dose of reality, like i did when i first came here. i am an adoptee and thought most had the same attitude i did, grateful and happy i was adopted. y!a has opened my eyes to the other side of all this.

not all stories are clean and rosey. some are hurtful and sad, like almost every other part of life. if you have already fostered then you know what you are getting into. dont let the bad stories stand in the way of what you know is right. my story is good, i had a great life, i met my bio family, they are wonderful. i am not hostile, angy, resentful or plagued by issure others here are. many have good reason to be angry. as i said, there is a dark side to everything.

do what you know is right for you. live your life and enjoy your new son, just take heed of what you have learned here and do your best to not let these things happen.

good luck

Answer 9

i think wanting to adopt a foster child--hence a child who is truly needs a family--is noble and respected.

most on here who have contrary views on adoption are only critical of the current practice of newborn and international adoption for profit.

i wish you well...

Answer 10

I bet your doing some good if you want to adopt. Cause they may never get adopted by anyone, and they need loving people like you

Answer 11

Well, I'm certainly not talking about you, or others who adopt from foster care.

You're doing a good thing.  When you've read here is probably 'negative' about infant/stranger adoption where mothers are often coerced into giving their children to 'better' people.

I do hope you'll read The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier someday though.

Take Care.

Answer 12

adoption/ foster care is very personal thing.  Based on their own experience, some people will be for it and some will be againest.  If you are ready to do it, then try it, do what you think is best for your family and the foster child.  People who have been divorced may never recommend marriage again but but some never give up.  Children need loving homes and some one to call Mom and Dad. Someone to teach them the rules and give them wings to fly

Answer 13

Look no matter what you do some people will not agree. You do what is right for you, take the child, love him or her, give a chance to a child who may not have one otherwise. Don't let dissenters change your own moral values - you know its the right thing in your heart. Giving a good home to a child cant ever be wrong.

Because some people adopt or foster for the wrong reasons some make it out to be a horrible thing. But the reality is that home is not always a nice place and many children truly are better off in foster care with decent people like you and your husband.

Please dont let the dissenters on here get to you - they have their opinion and the right to it. But it does not have to be your opinion. And yours will guide you in the right direction. Listen to your heart. Pray to your God. You will see it is the right thing for you I believe.

Answer 14

let me share what I have experienced since coming here-  I am adopted and we have 2 adopted children- and for me adoption is great- however I am sure that there are some negative adoptions in the world- however, I too, cannot believe the negativity here.  Where would you be doing more harm than good?  If this has been placed in a foster home, or if a birth mom has decided to place this boy for adoption- what could be wrong with that. Would it be better to leave this child in a foster home forever, or would it be better that the child never is given a chance at life? Of course not-  listen to your heart- adoption is wonderful.  You look like you are opening your heart and home to help the child, not fulfill a need within yourself. Go for it!!

Answer 15

you answered your own question...you have four and "that is really all you have room for"

why even ask??? a foster parent can live in a 2br 1 bath house and not 1 time will you ever hear them say "i don't have room!"

you have enough on your plate to worry about right now why bring in any one else??

Foster & adoptive parents are God's gift to the unwanted, the beatten down, the neglected, the abused, and the ones that just werent quite ready for parenting... God Bless you for thinking about it but, maybe you should wait...you will be bringing in a child with issues that you just might not be ready to deal with and what about your own children?? how do they feel about this? This is a very very big step for your WHOLE family. Please think about it. Because if it doesnt work out then the feelings that you have for the child and the child might have for you( is not worth the hurt)