I'm confused - so I'm anti-women's equality now?

Question

I've been talking with girls I know who consider themselves feminist.

I used to think I was pretty independent, emancipated and probably even a little feminist. Until I talked to them. Everything that requires a woman to be beautiful, seems evil. Everything that doesn't promote total peace amongst women, seems evil.

So how about this? I like looking at beautiful men, so I'm not going to comment on men wanting to see naked women. And if the women want to make a living that way, then that's their choice and I won't tell them not to. I do think women are equal to men in intellegence and intellect... I just don't see the point of fighting human nature of wanting to look at eachother or show our bodies.

So I guess I never was and never will be a feminist?

Answer 1

If you believe in equal rights that makes you a feminist, at least a passive one.

I know many feminists who have no problem with nudity or with prostitution. But the issue of beauty is a sensitive one, as we place so much emphasis on it. Research has shown that beautiful people (male and female) get hired faster, get promoted faster, get more raises, and succeed in life more often. This generates bitterness and envy among more average looking women, who feel that appearance shouldn't matter at all, at least not when it comes to them.

Read the essays of Camille Paglia. She's a feminist who has scathing things to say about mainstream feminism.

Answer 2

Yes, you do seem confused .... feminists do not disagree with women making a living taking off her clothes if that is what she wants to do. It's about having the choice.

If, as a woman, you don't want equality then that is your choice.  

Answer 3

If you want equality between the genders and feel that men and women are both equal, intelligent, and capable, then I would think you're a feminist.  The rest, what you think about different actions of men and women, falls into what kind of feminist you are.

For example, I see NOTHING wrong with wanting to look beautiful for you man and taking the time (and products) to do it.  There is nothing wrong with looking pretty or acting feminine--these are all personal choices.  I personally love to look good for my man.  If there is a woman who does not want to wear make-up, that is her choice.

Feminism (most sects of it) is about choice.  If you want to look good for your man (or just in general), good for you--that's your choice.  Of course, different sects of feminism disagree on this point, though most of the ones who want to deny beauty and feminine actions are radicals.

Like me, you might be what's called "s*x-Positive".  That means that women should be allowed to make any choice with her body, especially sexually.  There for we are against banning on p**n, support the legalization of s*x workers, see nothing wrong with exotic dancers, etc.  Its the women (and mens) choice in the matter.

Don't let the idea of feminism be ruined for you by a few bad apples.  There are, of course, crazies out there, but there are also a great deal of level-headed, open-minded feminists as well.

Answer 4

Good.

That's the way a logical person thinks. Since you seem to think "logically" it would be impossible for you to ever become a feminist.

Consider yourself lucky for not being born with the "hypocrite gene".

Answer 5

How do you know they're feminists? Because they say they are? They don't sound like it to me. All the feminists I know don't mind looking at handsome men, and the reverse. Just because some prude says she's a feminist, and has a lot of dumb ideas, don't think all feminists think that way.

Answer 6

Good for you for not falling for identity politics.

You can be you without having to subscribe to ideology.

Answer 7

I think that feminists like men and some like looking at their bodies. There is nothing anti-feminist in that. Nor do feminists dislike or hate dressing nicely or wearing makeup. You might want to meet some more adult women to really get to know what a feminist is. Feminists are not the character that some men portray them as...they are normal people who want to be able to live their lives without being assaulted, insulted and paid less than males doing the same work. It is that simple.

So look at the bodies! Enjoy!  

Answer 8

You are discovering the one thing i believe to be the only core truth about what a feminist is:

A few closed minded "feminists" who are arrogant in their beliefs have ruined your perception of what feminism is really about

Answer 9

there is actually a branch or whatever of feminism that says that strippers and p**n actresses are good because they promote the female form and blah blah blah. but i must agree that you have no need to join the "club"! it doesn't matter if someone disagrees with what you believe. no two people will agree on everything everytime if they say they do then they are lying to themselves and each other. be you. think what you think.  if someone cannot agree to disagree then that is THEIR insecurity, and it shouldn't make you question yourself!

Answer 10

I think you're right. It's part of human nature to want to look at each other or show our bodies. It's just part of sexuality and there's not a thing more human than that.

Also I think some feminists have lost sight of the fact is that among other rights woman have had to fight for sits a right to their sexuality. Are we to emerge from prudish patriarchal Victorian values only to fall into a feminist prudery of a modern age?

The only place I think they have a point here is to dislike ideals that are impossible (for most) to achieve. But I am all for striving to be as attractive as possible without otherwise risking health and happiness.

Answer 11

My views are like yours. I don't think it's right for men to say that men are stronger and more powerful than women, but I'm not against women wearing makeup and things like that. If the woman feels more self confident wearing makeup, then whatever. Not everyone who wears makeup is evil. Those women you spoke to were going over the top.  

Answer 12

Your friends are being a little ignorant, it is fine to look at someone and say they are beautiful and all of that but to exploit someone and put women down in the media is wrong. And men are used in this way to.

Feminism is a fight for equal rights amongst the sexes... not to hate all men and ***** moan and yell, that will get us nowhere .

You are a feminist if you believe women have the right to choose what they do with their bodies, if you want women to get equal pay to men and equal rights at work. To have laws to protect against rape and other sexual abuse or verbal abuse. It should be this way for men to, but through the years men have had it easier, remember the times when women would have to stay home pop out some kids not finish  that education they wanted to because 'spinsters' werent considered attractive and if a women got a job or had a good education back in the 1920's they would probably be spinsters.....

Women have progressed we can vote and so on but we have a fair way to go for that equality i long for.

Oh and i think women can work where ever they want even if i dont like it, it isnt our business just as long as it is the women's choice it is FINE :)

Answer 13

Every political philosophy or idea a person holds is developed through discussion and debate.

Sure, you can be a feminist by believing in certain things and never talking about them, but your understanding of your own beliefs, ideas and values can only be strengthened by debate and discussion.

Rather than simply giving up your own ideas because someone disagrees with you, why not debate the points you have raised with the women you met?

It sounds to me as though they gave their views (to which they are entitled) and rather than object, you simply turned away, keeping your views (to which YOU are entitled) to yourself and then decided that because two people disagreed with you, you can't be a certain thing.

In every group there are people who have different ideas about the 'meaning' of something, including religion, politics and even feminism!

If you don't think you are a feminist that's fine, but why give up on your own ideas without at least making a fight for your beliefs?

Best wishes :-)

Answer 14

most ideologies promote freedom and choice. Well as long as you use your "freedom" to make all the "choices" they tell you to make.

     Be true to yourself and those around you that are untruthfull towards themselves will both admire and fear  you.

       I don't know how pleasant a conversation with an ideological zombie would be but kudos on being free.

    From my understanding of feminist ideology and practice(feminism applied in the real world) it might be one of the greatest compliments to give to a person to call them an anti-feminist.

        

  You still sound pretty independent,intelligent and wise.

Look into Libertarian political theory sometime.

    

  

Answer 15

Absolutely.  I had to change my pic of me in a bikini because some female poster on gws called me a s***k.  People like her don't appreciate the female form.  It's my pic and my body to show to the world if I want to.  If men want to look, fine by me.  If I want to look at men, good for me.  Men and women are attracted to each other's bodies.  It's human nature.

Why do you care what people think?  If feminism says that looking at naked bodies is wrong then they can go to h**l.

Answer 16

Although I personally think that many women in p**n are exploited, I agree with you that enjoying looking at the opposite s*x is normal and healthy.  There are some relationships where one partner develops a real problem with p**n; ie. he or she cannot have s*x and actually be in the moment, sans p**n. If you've never experienced this type of heartbreaking situation, it's hard to comprehend because most guys can look at this type of stuff occasionally without any real problems.

As to whether you're a feminist: I'm personally sick of the word, because it takes practically nothing to be classified as "non feminist". I get kicked out of the feminist category because I'm pro-life and I personally tend towards having a more traditional dynamic in my relationship. Anymore, I don't ascribe to any specific label, political party, etc.; it just limits my ability to think for myself. Congratulations on thinking outside of the limits imposed by feminist thought. You are now a thinking human being.

Answer 17

Well, to be perfectly honest I'm confused about why you think these beliefs don't make you a feminist, since you seem to identify as one.

Sounds to me like you're just talking to feminists that you don't identify with.

There is no inherent clash with your live and let live policies and feminism itself.

So according to these people you may never be a feminist. But does letting them tell you how to be a feminist make you who you are?

I've known many feminists who accept and even promote pornography or the beauty industry, and others who are adamently against it. I've known some feminists who believe in traditional gender roles, and others who want to dismantle them.

There is no one right and true way to be a feminist either. You can identify and support some aspects of the movement and disagree with others, and that's perfectly healthy. Good for you for having your own views.

For the record, in my books you're a feminist if you identify as one, not based on what one faction of the movement thinks about your views.

Answer 18

What you are is someone who thinks for themselves and doesn't follow the politically correct agenda.  Good for you!!!

Answer 19

believing in equality does not automatically make you a feminist anymore than running across a field makes you an athlete. Most people believe in equality and also enjoy the beauty of the opposite s*x. Humans are supposed to be attracted to the opposite s*x and hedging your bet by making an extra effort is nothing to be ashamed of.

I live in the SF Bay area and we are chocked full of butt ugly anti-women who goose step in-line with the stereotypical feminist. Feminism is really just a cult and being part of a cult is never good.

Answer 20

I see; right now, as you said you are confused. So, for now let the clouds clear and see where you stand then.

So I guess I never was and never will be a feminist? Well, that's entirely up to you; only you know the answer to that one.  

Truth be told we must all live our lives as we see fit; and work with what works for us.