I'm currently pregnant and looking to find someone, not just anyone, to adopt my child.?

Question

I'm a mother of two little ones already. I've been taking care of my girls on my own for a couple of years now. I'm already struggling as it is with the responsibilities I hold as of now and I know I won't be able to support a third little one. It breaks my heart to consider adoption but it would kill me to abort. I'm trying to find someone who is financially stable, good hearted, and responsible enough to take care of a child. I heard something of an 'open adoption' where I can contact my child later in the years. That would also have to be considered by the individuals who chose to adopt my child because one day I will want to find my little one. Can anyone help me?

Answer 1

I just wanted to say to all the nasty replies re she already has 2 kids she can do it with a third ect ect ect Wouldn't it be worse if the child was born to a parent that didn't love it or wasn't able to provide for it? Don't speak until you've walked a mile in her shoes.

Saying all of that i just wanted to commend you for your courage.  You realise that you wont be able to provide for this child and rather then aborting you are taking the high road and the better option of adopting and to your cousin that's even more special.  At least this way you can keep some form of contact and you know your baby will be loved and well cared for and provided for in the way he/she deserves

Answer 2

Ask your local gp or hospital

Answer 3

There are numerous legal implications to what you want to do, and those implications vary from state to state. You don't want to do anything that may result in losing your other children. You're in a highly emotional state right now, and you may want to change your mind once your child is born. Accordingly, you may want to protect yourself from the legal implications of your own emotions, as well. Above and beyond all else, do NOT respond to anyone on this website, in the newspapers, or "off the street" who wants to adopt your baby. These people haven't been screened, and God only knows what they might do -- you're not giving away a kitten! Look in your yellow pages, and contact an adoption attorney. Remember -- find an ADOPTION attorney -- not just any attorney. Attorneys specialize just like doctors do -- you wouldn't go to a foot doctor to have a tooth removed -- you'd go to a dentist! If you can't afford an attorney, call the Bar Association of the the state you live in, explain your situation, and tell them that you need to be referred to an attorney. They will most likely help you out. My best to you. I hope that you make the right decision, whatever that may be.

Answer 4

Whatever you do PLEASE DO NOT respond to the people here and the ones emailing you begging for your baby. You need to find a reputable local agency. You never know who people are on the Internet. They may sound loving and sincere and have the best references, but how does anyone know what is real on the Internet.

Best of luck to you and your children in whatever you decide.

Answer 5

Congratulations on finding someone you know that will raise this little child lovingly. i think you are a wonderful mother and that you should tell yourself that everyday . Its a brave person who thinks of others before themselves. good luck in life!!

Answer 6

You poor thing! I feel for you, I really do! i would never want to part with my child! see if you can contact an agency who will allow you to choose a couple to adopt your child, so you know that he/she is going to a stable environment...

Answer 7

There are two kinds of open adoption

a.Semi-Open – this is where a few times a year you would get photos and updates on your birthchild.

b.Open Adoption – This is where you would have physical contact with your birthchild. The extend of openness depends sometimes it would only be once or twice a year. In some case the adoptive family and natural family become extended family and attended each others birthdays, spend holidays , vacation together etc.

What you seem to be talking about is just searching for the child years later. In some cases birthparents can not search until their child is 18 years old, and sometimes it goes the other way around as well. You may want to find a way to keep your contact information up to date, even if thats contacting the agency anytime you have moved or even sending your child's new family this information, then if the child ever wants to met or contact you it will be easy as pie.

Also keep in mind open adoption is not legally enforced in most states the child’s parents can discontinue it at anytime.

Most places will allow the birthmother to choose her child’s new family.  Some even pick prior to the child’s birth.  Research the adoption laws in your state, find out how long reclaim period would be if for whatever change you changed your mind, it has and does happen.

Please include any medical information that the child would need, some heritage information as well.

Also I ask about the father simple because a baby can not be placed with out the OK of both biological parents giving up their rights.

Answer 8

Good for you!!! Atleast ur child will be in the family and u know he or she will be taken care of!!! God Bless u!! my mother who is passed away now .. had a child she gave up for adoption for personal reasons... it was hard for her to tell me and my siblings later  after we had grown.. but we did get to meet our sister.... Good luck!

Answer 9

If you can't find anyone, I would be happy to talk to you.  I am in the Marine Corps right now.  I am currently in Iraq.  I'll be home(in the states) in October.  After that I will only be in the military for less than a year.  I have a big family with lots of kids.  I am finacially stable.  I am going to school to be an Optomitrist.  I can't really get into detail about myself right now, but if you would like to talk, you are welcome to contact me!

[e-mail]

Answer 10

Please contact a professional with this matter, not an internet site!!!

Planned Parenthood, an adoption attorney, or agency, and if this is the only option for you, please make sure you receive counseling as well. I wish you luck.

Answer 11

You need to contact an angency or a lawer. The person that will adopt will pay all the fees. I wish I had the money up front to adopt. I have enough to take care of my family but just not the thousands to adopt. I want another child but can no longer have one. I hope you find a loving home for your child. It will be a long and hard journey. My son is my world and I thank God everyday that I was able to have one child. I hope one day he will bless me with another, one way or another.

Answer 12

I would suggest working with foster care. Stay away from agency's, they don't have your interest nor the child's in mind. They just want to make money off the desperate people that cant have children of their own and their attorney's will make sure you will never see your child again.

Answer 13

Dear Angie,

I am a First Mother of an "open" adoption that was closed by the APs as soon as it was finalized. These were people I had thoroughly trusted as we were "friends". Please know that no matter what you have heard, "open" adoption is NOT enforceable anywhere.

This is a choice you have to make for yourself but I URGE you educate yourself THOROUGHY about adoption, its issues and effects on all parties (You, YOUR CHILDREN, and any potential family you may choose for your baby.) and to consider ALL of your options before making a final decision.

Have you considered temporary guardianship with a friend or family member? What about the baby's father and his family? Is it possible to have an arrangement with them to help you? Is there an organization that matches single mothers to assist each other in your area? Mentor Mothers, Single Parent Programs, DSS, WIC, The Natural Family Preservation Society, there are tons of resources to help you if you decide adoption is not for you. I would give you more specific resources if I knew where you are.

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

http://www.ifsinc.org/familypres/familyp...

https://apps.chfs.ky.gov/pandp_process/F...

Run a Google search on assistance programs for single mothers and natural family preservation organizations.

I am not trying to talk you out of adoption - it may be the best thing for you, just make sure that you have looked at ALL your possibilities - especially the negatives of every case and see if it is something you and your children can bear.

I am so sorry that you are in this situation and hope that you find the solution that is right for you. I wish you and your family the best of luck and a happy and healthy future.

Please e-mail me privately if you have any questions about the what the adoption process is like as a First Mother.

Answer 14

hi... i was in your shoes..

my parents wanted me to place my child for adoption because they felt becoming a parent so young would ruin my life.  they later changed their mindset, and i kept my child.

i've also gone on to earn my BA, a masters and will have an earned doctorate in 2009.  

my point, and the point others are trying to make here is that there is a way to provide for your child. also, if you are interested in adoption, don't allow your current situation to be your reason.  situations change, people grow up, yet adoption is permanent.

also, please do not make an adoption plan with anyone on YA who wants your kid.  these people tell every young woman like yourself who posts how much they want a child and would LOVE to adopt.  seriously, that's freaky to me.  and an indication that some of these people are not wrapped too tight.  regardless of your decision, please make sure that you go through the proper channels, EDUCATE yourself on adoption loss, and realize that open adoption is NOT LEGALLY ENFORCEABLE. that means, the aparents can close it and you will not be able to have any contact.

you have a lot of work to do before this child is born. i would suggest speaking with a non-biased counselor about your choice, and get as much education an adoption (especially how firstmothers are treated and the primal loss experienced by adopted children) before making this decision.

Answer 15

I just want to say that I think what you are doing is a wonderful, selfless thing.  Your cousin will be blessed with a wonderful bundle of joy and you will get to see your child grow up.  Since you are blessing your cousin with the wonderful gift of a baby the adoption process will be easy. You will just have to go to a lawyers office and have the papers drawn up.  It should be a simple process.  

I know this was a hard decision for you and I commend you on your courage and strength be be able to put the welfare of your child first.  I wish there were more people like you.

Answer 16

I am going to answer this as if you have already made up your mind to place your child.  I'm sure you've had enough lectures...

IF you are going to place your child for adoption, I would first look into state laws, because they vary, a lot.  There are laws on how long you would have after the baby is born to change your mind, varying from 0 days from signing to I think 6 months.  

Another law you should consider is legally binding open adoption agreements.  Some states recognize them and will hold them up, while others don't.  You could think you are entering an open adoption and have it closed after they drive away if you don't protect that.

After you look into the laws, determine which state you want to work with (and find out how they work with your state), then look into websites that are expectant-mother-friendly, where you can browse profiles of families without them knowing you exist, until you are ready to let them know you do. If you sign up with an agency right away, you may feel pushed into doing something you don't want, or into a family you aren't sure about.

If you find a family, just always be honest with them, and especially yourself.  You can back out at any time, prior to your rights being terminated (post-birth).

Good luck, on whatever you decide.

Answer 17

Look in your phone book or on-line for a crises hot line, or a free counseling service in your area. You need to talk to someone, that will help you decide, the best path to take. With good advice and support you might change your mind. Look into all options, before you make your final decision.

Many people come to this forum for help, they are in crises. We might not agree with their views or their decisions, but  fair, intelligent, answers would be so refreshing.

Answer 18

Are you tripping or what ?

Any church, or even the local branch of the DHHR ( Welfare Agency ) would be more than happy to help place your child in a family that would want him/her, but instead you come onto Yahoo's Q&A, which makes me think you are either trolling, or setting up a question so as to gain some easy points for either yourself of someone else you know, as only an idiot would do something like that.

Answer 19

i am a mother of 4, and was thinking of adopt a child, if you like to talk, please email me at [e-mail],  

thank you

Answer 20

I just wanted to say that the decision you made is from a good place...your heart. Some people judge without thought of being in your shoes. I know you want better for your child & I know how difficult it is to be on your own with 2 little ones. God bless you at this difficult time, and I pray all works out for you and your cousin &  the new baby!

Answer 21

There are a lot of organizations out there that allow you to choose what family you place your child with. My friend put her little one up for adoption even though it was very hard for her to do so. She was able to look through profiles, meet with prospective parents, ask any questions she wanted and choose the one she thought was best for her baby. An open adoption will sometimes allow you to visit your child, but mostly it means you can write letters and receive pictures.

You could check websites like www.adoption.com for more information regarding open adoptions and agencies that help you choose the family.

Answer 22

Try going to the police station or hospital. They can give you information on that. You're a very responsible parent =]. Good Luck.

Answer 23

i know how you feel, i was on birth control and got pregnate with all 3 of mine and raised them till they were 6& 7 on my own!!!!   if i could i would adopt your child,  we could just get a lawyer and do it!!!!   and the child would always know they were adopted and why!!!   i am proud of you for choosing life for your child rather than killing it!!!!!    and giving a child up is a big decision and takes alot of love and heart!!!   my heart goes out to you!!!   best of luck and may God Bless you and your children!!!!

Answer 24

I am a Social Worker and I have a lot of information on this topic that could help you and am more willing to help in any way.

My email is [e-mail], please feel free to contact me anytime.

There is NO reason I should get a low rating, what is wrong with people? This is what I do for a living and I am trying to help her find resources in her area, what in the world is wrong with that? When she goes to an agency she is going to talk to someone who has the SAME degree as me and I am trying to help her find someone in her area to help her make the right decisions. Why in the world I have a low rating is beyond me. This is what happens when you try to help people I guess...

Answer 25

The best advice I can give is to go to a pregnancy help center.  They will have the tips on where to go to get started and some even do adoption.  They can give you advice on how to find a good agency to go with.  NOT ALL AGENCIES ARE BAD!  Just be sure to do the homework on them.

Answer 26

Here's a leaflet from mothers who have walked in your shoes:

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

I'm so sorry you feel this is your only option.  I missed my mother and siblings my whole life, despite having an amazing adoptive family.  Please bear in mind that adoptions that start out as 'open' are slammed shut in the majority of cases and open adoption is often used as a lure to reel you in.  Be careful - particularly of people on the internet.

I'm so so sorry, if you were in the UK I volunteer with an organization that would help keep you all together.  Families should not be separated this way.  I'm so sorry, if I could help I would.

Take care.

Answer 27

think very carefully before you decide what you are doing. Is there anyone or any organisation that can help you with bring up the child.

Blessing

Answer 28

I have 1 daughter, she is a year old, and we really want another baby, but i cant have anymore kids.. So if there is anyway you can contact me. [e-mail] and maybe we can talk and figure something out?

We are financially stable. we are loving parents. and love kids!

Answer 29

My dear i perfectly understand what you going thru, been there and done it. I jus took over the custody of a child a geougous baby which his mother was unable to support him in many ways.Its been a blessing for my husband and i. All we did was requested mother to sign over parental right she comes and see him when ever she can,we have an open door for her. Its very healthy for all members involve specially for the child to be happy. Do you know what are you having cause we are looking forward to welcome a baby girl to our family.Dont fear God will guide you to the right person and  dont feel bad because your just being fair to you and your coming baby.Be proud you can make this brave decision and that you still would like to be part of this baby life.

Answer 30

You ALREADY have two other children and you want to give your third away!!! I've never heard of such a thing. THAT IS SO SCREWED UP! Usually this situation happens with new mom's. If your for real and not making all this up - then your frikin mean!

Answer 31

well i say think hard before you do that and also think about what your other two are going to think about you because they might be small but they realize stuff like that.and if you have 2 children already,why are you looking forward to give your baby to adoption?i mean,the other 2 of yours can help you.im 14 but take my advise and the advises from people who say the same thing as i do.