I'm dating a Vietnamese girl. Can someone tell me about the Vietnamese culture and values that can help me

Question

understand her better ?

She was brought up very poor as a child but now has a advanced university degree and professional job in North America. I was born in North America.

Answer 1

Nothing i can add,only to say you have had some brilliant answers and where a joy to read.---Maybe its time i wasent single.As rick m's wife got any sisters ha ha.

Answer 2

I like most of the posts I have read and recognize a few of the posters. As they have pointed out, the family unit is supreme. What they didn't point out is, should you and your lady friend decide to marry and have children (the children thing is NOT an option) then you become the "supreme leader" of your own family. (at least my wife let's me think I'm the boss lol)

Money is important in Viet culture, as it is important in every culture. My wife and I were fortunate to buy a couple of farm properties for very short money. We "partner" with her (very large) family, letting her brothers and sisters work the land for a percentage of the profits. It's an ideal solution for us. If her family needs cash for an emergency, we loan it to them against future earnings. Family is family, but money is money.

One last thing, concerning her parents (I am an only child and an orphan). My wife and I were both divorced when we met. She had a little girl. Her father was a member of the VC during the war. I'm a former Marine (not Viet era). To say things were a bit cool at first would be quite accurate. In the eight years that I have known my wife, I have come to love her parents as my own. Her father often tells her that she is his favorite because Buddha blessed him with such a good son-in-law. Her mother is a saint. We are expecting another child soon and I tell her mother that it is because of her babysitting that we had even a few moments alone together. I say it jokingly as if to blame her for our baby and she just laughs and says she's always ready to watch the kids lol.

Anyway, you're only dating, but asking questions to make your relationship better. That's a good thing. It shows your serious and mature. Viet culture is different than American culture but if things work out to the point that you consider marriage, a Viet wife is about as good as it gets:-)

Answer 3

well first off its all about what the parents say. what they say goes. so in general never, and let me repeat the never, disrespect the parents. you will not be liked and the family stare down will drive you crazy.

if you meet the parentals, a very good way to start off is to cross your arms and bow your head down.

and if her parents tell her to do something she is expected to do it..

and i would love to answer this question further since i am vietnamese and all but your question isnt too specific.

anyways hope it helps on learing some more about the parental culture of vietnam

Answer 4

The most notable things are the importance of the family and respect for people who are older than you are. Society is seen as an extension of the family and family expressions are used when meeting or greeting people outside of the family. For example, if you are introduced to a man a little older that you are you address him as "Anh" or older brother. If you meet a very old lady, you address her as "Ba" or grandmother.

Children are rarely rebellious and usually do and act as their parents or teachers would wish, even once they are adults. Dead relatives are honored and remembered on the anniversary of their death each year.  

This is a very quick overview, of course there is much more depth to the culture than just these few points, but they are among the most important perhaps. I have been married to a Vietnamese lady for 6 years and have lived in the country for 2, so I am still learning on a daily basis, but I must say that the more I learn and understand, the more I like the culture and I find very many aspects of it to be favourable when compared to my own (British). Good luck!

I have now read Travellers comments and would add a footnote - if considering marriage it is essential that you both understand fully and agree what obligations you are undertaking before you proceed. I have not experienced similar problems and whilst my wife and I contribute to the upkeep of her aging mother, so do her brothers and sisters.

There are many poor families who would sacrifice a pretty daughter to marriage to a foreigner if they think it will benefit them - and many daughters who are prepared to do so. Explore motives - any older man who can't get a girlfriend in his own country, has to do some serious soul searching if he believes a beatiful young VN girl considers him to be Mr Wonderful.

Answer 5

Vietnamese are all about family, and a typical Vietnamese family is very close.  They are also very loyal.  If you've earned their trust and respect, they'll give you the shirts off their backs.  One thing for you to keep in mind is the need to be flexible, be open to new ideas, new concepts and different ways of doing things.  Some of the things they do may seem strange, but hey, it's not strange to them.  Don't write anything off as weird or dumb or stupid.  These may turn out to be important to them and you may score big for having paid attention.  If you want to earn points with your girlfriend, get in the good graces of her family, especially the PARENTS.  Don't worry too much, go with the flow, Vietnamese are good people.  I should know, I'm one :-).  Good luck!

Answer 6

Respect her family and respect her, some families are very traditional..meaning don't hold her hands, give her a kiss or all lovey dovey infront of her parents. When they're all speaking Vietnamese in front of you, yes they're talking about you, so be nice, polite and always be helpful.

It would also be nice if you learn a few nice vietnamese words to say to the parents showing you're willing to learn the culture. Lastly never mentioned Uncle Ho as a dinner conversation!

Good luck!

Answer 7

I don't know where "traveler" traveled to but not all Vietnamese people are the same. I grew up in a family where all of us are independent. When you marry a Vietnamese woman, you don't marry her entire family. When a Vietnamese woman marries to a Vietnamese man, she marries to his whole family. it's not about financially, but other obligations such as taking care of his elder parents as if your own.

My ex never had to do anything with my family. We're self sufficient and all well educated. We don't need anyone to support us. Matter of fact, some of us are more educated than the men we're married. It's annoying to me to hear those stereo types that when you marry an Asian woman, you marry to her whole family. It all depends on what kind of a woman you meet. If you're educated and have something to offer, find a woman who has a similar education or able to take care of herself. You won't have to marry her whole family.

My parents never asked for a dime from us let alone asking from their son-in-law. They have money and able to take care of themselves. One thing about us is that you must respect your wife's parents. Otherwise, the marriage will not last.

You mentioned she was brought up as a poor child. What has anything to do with anything? That's a stupid comment. She is capable of getting a good job and putting herself through school. Don't be ignorant about her childhood. Being poor with dignity and integrity are more important than being rich and ignorant. Understand her is to love her and treat her with respect. That's all you need to know.

Non redneck. Maybe you should change your moniker to redneck 'cause you sound like a redneck.

Answer 8

I like your question!

Here is my answer. You know, Vietnam like any countries in the world has the same culture in love. When you love someone, vietnamese you must sincerly, true heart. Especially, you must have concern with your girlfriend family, you should do that. Because, Vietnam is a nation which family very important to each person. When you show your kindness to her family, Mom and Dad, she know that you respect her.

Wish you have a great love with her!!!

Answer 9

Look up Vietnamese New Year

Get helluh good grades (B+ average or higher)

And never dis her parents, you do she'll snap like a twig

Answer 10

the first and most significant thing to know about a Viet or South East Asian girl,  Is that when you date or marry her you are dating and marrying her entire family.  The can be a blessing or a curse and most times its a curse.  As a westerner you are suddenly expected to pay for all family medical bills, replace telephones and motor bikes that go missing all to frequently etc.  In other words they will bleed you dry.  Now there are exceptions but I just watched a 7 year marriage go down in flames and its obvious that the family and the wife realized that he was running out of money and are now looking for greener pastures.  All the properties etc are in the family name and he is out of luck funds friends and has no recourse.  

There are hundreds of books about this in Thailand and Vietnam.  Unfortunately, love is blind and no one ever thinks that it will happen to them.  All to often it does.  

Hope that your girl is a saint.  She very well may be.  Try not to look through Rose colored glasses.

Answer 11

You know this is a hard question to answer and  I am not sure how to answer it.  I have been married to a Lovely Vietnamese Lady for the last 13 years and learn a little about their culture every day.  If you have found someone you wish to be with I'd sure not mess around and lose her.

Vietnamese Ladies are very devoted to their husband and family.  That sure helps make a happy marriage.  You will become a real part of the family too.  Sure makes me happy.

Good Luck on your decision.  Cheers C

Answer 12

One of my female Vietnamese co-workers told me that the two main things a Vietnamese woman looks for are

1) A handsome man

2) A man with a big wallet

So her statement basically means that Vietnamese women are gold-diggers (hey, at least she was honest). I would evaluate what she is dating you for.

She expects you to be her slave and buy her everything, big house, SUV, jewelry. I have seen this behavior in a lot of Vietnamese women in the USA. Though it's hard to say if this is their native culture or just the influence of the west.

Based on my interaction with them, they can be very physically violent.  I know several Vietnamese women that hit their husbands (some in public). These men can't do anything, because it's a crime in the USA to defend yourself if you're a man and a woman attacks you.

Answer 13

Some of the answers are laughable like Traveler's ignorant assumption.  Even among Vietnamese ourselves, values are different.  So find out from her. Be observant, respectful, and courtesy.  Family tie is strong in the Vietnamese culture.  You have to know your place in a Vietnamese family--older comes first (but this tradition is getting faded out, esp. within the Vietnamese in foreign countries).  My daughter talks to me like she is my little mommy and this is certainly not allowed if we were in Vietnam.  There is one thing that I can think of about us Vietnamese is that we like to meddle in other people's business; unlike the Americans who like to leave it alone.  So, her family will have something to say about you per se.  But if you are genuine, they will love you like their own.  You will be ok since you care enough to find out something about her already. Just be respectful and show your manners and you will earn some points there.  Vietnamese people are all about respectful and well manners.  Gold diggers come in all races, not just Vietnamese.  Those men who happened to run into them must have found themselves in all the wrong places :) Cheers

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vietnamese_...