I'm dating a married man, Can someone help?

Question

ok, i met this man through work. When i first saw him i didn't think anything of him. I went to dinner with him that night and a couple of other people that went to the show, he didn't have a wedding band so i assumed he wasn't married but i still didn't think anything of it. the next day i had to call him to coordinate somethings for the show and he afford to take me to lunch, i went to lunch with him and a mutual client of ours, that's when i found out that he was married with 2 kids. That same day him and our mutual client went to the shower and they afford to take me to dinner again. (our client is a very good friend of both) so i didn't hesitate to say yes. Saturday 2 days after i met him i caught myself texting him with Good morning, but it didn't hit me at the moment that i was starting to get interested in him, that day he went to the show again and ask to take me to dinner but this time it was just going to be us 2, i made the huge mistake of going. We talked about each other a lot and we stayed talking til like 2 inmorningn that day, i thought to myselfdoesn'tt he have a wife to be with so i asked him, your wifedoesn'tt mind you being out so late without her and his answer was just no. sunday i went to the show again cause i had to coordinate everything and he texted me telling me that he was sorry but hewasn'tt going to be able to make it but if there was anyway that i can have breakfast with him on Monday. i told him it was ok, we went to breakfast on monday and he told me that he was really confused because he had feelings for me, my reaction was suprise but i didnt want to tell him that i somewhat felt the same way. later on that day i found out from other sources that him and his wife werent doing too good and they havent slept in the same bed for 3 months, 2 days later he left his house to be with me. We started seeing each other and unfornately i feel in love with him. i know that he feels really strong for me but he has yet to start the process of a divorce he tells me that he doesnt want to lose his kids and that he his scared that she might take them away from her. he is in a really tough situation and i try my best to understand. but i dont know what else to do, i do love him and i know that he cares about me a lot but sometime i question if he loves me cause if he really wanted to be with me, he would get a divorce and fight for his kids.

Can someone please give me some advice?

the situation is really complicate and i always pictured love being a fairy tale but it has been a total nightmare for me.

Answer 1

The situation isn't complicated at all!

You're involved with a married man who has no intention of leaving his wife.  

You're giving him his cake and he's eating it ~ if he were so into you, he would have ponied up and left his wife before he started indulging himself with you...so, ya...divorce and fighting for the kids MIGHT show some saving grace semblance of self respect...then I have to ask, where's yours?????

There are no fairy tale romances, princess, especially when it comes to "falling in love" with someone who's married.

I think you already know what you have to do.  The question is, will you????????????

Answer 2

Love it not a fairy tale. It is not a chick flick love story either. The reality is that love is a series of choices. It says a lot about your moral character that you let it get this far. I never allowed myself to "fall in love" with anyone that was married, or had kids, or had major baggage. I wanted a guy that was single and going for a degree. If you didn't have that going for you then sorry I'm not interested no matter how great you might be.

You have the power to respect yourself. It doesn't matter if him and his wife are in the middle of a divorce, or just separated, or just not communicating. It is none of your business and you should stay away. It is very easy. Stop talking to him, stop thinking about him and get busy with something else. You can talk yourself into anything. Talk yourself into respecting yourself.  

Answer 3

The moment you found out he was married you should have cut all ties.  Tell him to hit the road and not contact you until he is divorced and his life is in a different place.

Answer 4

If he's a good father he wouldn't lose his kids because he's leaving his wife. I think he's fooling you. Tell him if he wants to be with you he needs to file the appropriate papers.

Answer 5

Wow, this is way too long and rambling for me to read.  I don't have to read it, though, to ask you

WHY are you dating a married man?  This is a recipe for disaster!

His marriage is none of your business!  Stay out of it!

Answer 6

The answer is quite simple.  GET OUT NOW!!!  This situation happens all the time.  He will never leave his wife.  END IT NOW!!!

Answer 7

Never date a married man!!!!!!!! They rarely leave their spouses and usually - once a cheater  - always a cheater.  

Answer 8

HOMEWRECKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

your twisted fairy tale turned into a nightmare didn't it?  that's what the ***** you get for messing with a married man.  i read that you "didn't know he was married" but you also said "you didn't think anything of it" at the time - and THEN you wrote that you just started texting him, AFTER you found out he was married.

people like you don't deserve help.  i'm hoping you are treated with the same respect you give yourself and his wife.

Answer 10

hope you enjoy telling his children why he isn't around for them and where

he is living...

why but the cow when you get the milk for free...

cheated with you, will cheat on you...

hope Karma comes and bites you on your cheating a**

Answer 11

Are you nuts?

End it with him now! He is married and will never leave his family for you.

How could you even look yourself in the mirror knowing you broke up a marriage?

ADD: Hi Val!! Thanks!!!

Answer 12

I dont even have to read your entire story trying to justify your homewrecking actions.

Stop this right now...who cares if he is not happy...this is a fmaily you are messing with...kids....their life...there security..\

Stop being selfish...leave and find someone with no baggage.

Answer 13

I think he's using you. The marriage may infact be over, however it seems (from the details posted) that he used you as his escape from the marriage.

I highly doubt your relationship with this man will last.. statistics prove I;m probably right.

My suggestion is move on now.. before you get even more hurt in the long run. You deserve better than a sneaky, deceitful, moral lacking sad excuse for a "man" .. don't you?

Answer 14

I wish I could be compassionate toward you but I can't.  If you are having an affair with a married man, I think you're a sorry excuse for a woman, a pig and a TOTAL loser.   Get out of that relationship and get your life back.

God loves you and I'm trying.

God bless you.

Answer 15

I THINK YOU ARE BEING NIAVE.  YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE STARTED THIS AFFAIR WITH HIM.  WOULD YOU LIKE BEING IN HIS WIFE'S PLACE.  WHAT ABOUT HIS KIDS YOU HELPED WRECK HIS HOME.  DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH IT HURTS TO FIND OUT YOUR HUSBAND IS A LYING CHEATING SNAKE, AND THE WOMAN HE IS SEEING IS ALWAYS LABLED A s**t, w***e, B-TCH  WHY DO YOU THINK ITS OKAY BECAUSE YOU HEARD THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE HIS MARRIAGE WAS SUFFERING.  IF YOU WANTED TO HAVE SOME SORT OF RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM YOU COULD HAVE WAITED UNTIL HE HAD MOVED  AWAY FROM THE WIFE AND KIDS AND STARTED THE DIVORCE PROCESS.  MOST OF THESE SITUATIONS NEVER WORK OUT WITHOUT OTHERS GETTING HURT.  MAYBE YOU DIDNT THINK YOU COULD GET A SINGLE MAN SO WHY NOT GO FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S HUSBAND.  I HAVE NO SYMPATHY OR RESPECT FOR YOU.  THE TWO OF YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU DESERVE.

Answer 16

Just imagine if you where the wife in this situation.

All the things he told her. All the memories they shared.

If he truly wanted to be with you, he would of moved out, got an divorce and agreed on settlement for children's care.

She can not take the kids away IF he has done nothing wrong to endanger them.

She is more opt to be upset in the divorce BECAUSE he decided to commit adultry with you.

Not only is he cheating on his wife. He is also cheating on you with his own wife.  Quite ironic and sounds like a player who if can't have one girl, at least he will still have the other routin.

What about 5 years from now he got tired of you?  I imagine he didn't think about leaving her when he married her. So what makes you think he won't do the same to you?

I believe Karma comes around and goes around.

That should solve the issue.

Answer 17

Even if he weren't married, it wouldn't be the fairytale you imagined it.  It is what is.  He's married and may or may not get a divorce.  You can have a perfectly loving and fulfilling relationship with this man, if you resign yourself to the kind of life led by a mistress.  You have little control over situations, if you decide to have children you will essentially be alone and society is against you.  Stronger women have failed before you.  Good luck.

ADD:  I just read all the answers.  See what I mean about society being against you?  Contrary to convential wisdom, many men DO leave their wives for the other woman (mine left me), men past the age of 17 are not just "using you for the s*x", and even though he's married he doesn't belong to anyone.  Marriage has very little to do with love.  Calling you a homewrecker is giving you too much power.  What wrecked their home has everything to do with the way they treat each other and nothing to do with the new girl in town.

Answer 18

He will NEVER leave his wife for you.

You are nothing but a piece of a*s on the side for him.

Women like you are nothing but homewrecking whores who have no respect for another woman's marriage.

Answer 19

Quote " he cares about me a lot but sometime i question if he loves me cause if he really wanted to be with me, he would get a divorce and fight for his kids "

It's not a question of love but more of security. Besides, why would he leave when he has best of both worlds. And two, why would you want someone like that as a partner ? He made a promise in front of god, his friends and family to be faithful for the rest of his life so he's word - promises are pretty much shot to h**l. Wouldn't you be scared of him cheating on you if the two of you were together ? I would not put my trust in this kind of a man. Stop making excuses for his actions and stop deluding yourself that he loves you. He loves himself too much and the man knows exactly what he is doing. Selfish B$%?RD

Answer 20

WAY TO GO GOOD FOR YOU..  YOU ARE WHAT IS CALLED A HOME WREAKER, s***k AND WHATEVER ELSE PPL CAN THINK OF... YOU ARE BEING USED FOR s*x THATS IT YOU ARE HIS s*x TOY SO CUT OFF ALL CONTACT AND CALL HIS WIFE AND TELL HER THAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING HER HUSBAND AND SHE MIGHT WANT TO GET TESTED STD BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHO ELSE HE HAS HAD s*x WITH

Answer 21

he's not in love with u, he wants ur v****a

Answer 22

His wife would have the best advice for you on the subject give her a ring

Answer 23

I agree with BLACK SNAKE....give his wife a jingle, see what she thinks about all of this, after all, whose husband is this we are talking about?  Oh that's right, HERS!

CONGRATULATIONS Mrs D!!!

Answer 24

Yea you fell in love with the wrong man. Once you found out he's married you should have given him the boot, if he wanted you so bad he would get the divorce finalised. He's playing ya. His wife seems to be the smart one in this situation. Save yourself the heart ache and leave him.  

Answer 25

Advice? He is married. Plain and simple. Married, married MARRIED!!!! how much clearer can you get than that? And he has kids. Kids that would resent you for breaking up their family. And yes if he really loved you then he would not be with her. But I am sure his wife is saying if he really loved her he would not be with you. Only difference is she has more of a right. You may hear one side of the marriage crisis but maybe her side is he keeps cheating on her. ANd she doesn't want to have s*x with who he is having s*x with. Think about that.