I'm dating a rapist... Should I pursue this relationship??!! Serious Answers, please!?

Question

I met this guy two weeks ago, we've been talking a lot. He seems to be good person and a person I could be interested in. EXCEPT, he was charged with statutory rape when he was 17, with a female that was 14 (she told him she was 18). He didn't fail to tell me, although I would have found out anyway through public records. Everything, he said was true. He was 17, but charged as an adult.

For those who don't know what statutory rape is, In accordance with the FBI definition, statutory rape is characterized as NON-FORCIBLE sexual intercourse with a person who is younger than the statutory age of consent. The actual ages for these laws vary greatly from state-to-state, as do the punishments for offenders.

Now, we all know that people tend to lie about their age. I've done it!! People don't look there age, they carry an older sibling identification, go to older bars for people over 21. How do you find out the truth? How do you protect yourself?

I can't see myself holding a future with this guy, he has a record that will follow him and affect his job history for the rest of his life. Should I hold him accountable for his action, even though it's really wasn't his fault and he's now 25.

It's best to say, be soluvent and wait til you're married....now a days.

I'm sorry...but I just had to respond to Jonny's answer. I am far from a stalker for going through public records. I've learn from experience, not everyone is open about their past. Especially, if their a murderer, a thief, or a s*x offender, etc... It's better to know now, you don't want certain type of people around your children or your home. You might come home one day and everything's gone, find yourself in a abusive relationship, or someone abusing your child. Not saying people don't change, but you can't settle down with someone who can't make a living and you spend most of your life supporting them.

Answer 1

I have answered this question 3 times before.. seriously..exact same! Do what you want!

Answer 2

That's a hard 1, the way the court system is now-a-day's the court system is tough, if he was 17 and the girl lied about her age, it's kinda like her word against his... it's really up to you if you want to stay in the relationship... Go with your instincts... Good Luck.

Answer 3

stop it

Answer 4

You shouldn't be dating such a cruel loser.

Do you even know how bad that is ??

And if you can't see a future with him, why are you with him now?

Leave him... You are wasting time !!

Please answer mine:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 5

You're already holding him accountable for his actions without realizing it. Your concern is job history and making a living. Does he have a present job ?  And it really WAS his fault that he made that mistake at 17. That one mistake doesn't make him a bad person though.You said he seemed to be a good person and he WAS honest with you.  You only met him 2 weeks ago....give the relationship some present thought and time. If we continually look down the road for the future...we miss out a lot on what's happening now.

Answer 6

If that what's you think your future will be with him, then you should leave him. But thinking about him that way simply means you don't accept him as what or who he is. Loving a person is accepting all he got and foreseeing what may happen for accepting that person and be ready for that.

Answer 7

His honesty shows he isn't a total creep but ask yourself 'do i feel comfortable to have a relationship with this person even tho i know what they have done?' and base your decision on that.

Answer 8

You should value his honesty, it may suggest he isnt as bad as you may think

Answer 9

We all make mistakes, give him a chance.  

Answer 10

Has he gotten in any other kind of trouble with the law since? Does he treat you well and with respect? Do you care for him alot and does he care for you alot? Are you in love with him and each other? These are ALL questions to ask YOURSELF and your answers will steer you in the right direction.  Good luck.

Answer 11

Its in the past.Forget about it

Answer 12

The girl he was with was 14.. he was 17.. and it was not rape. Statutory rape like you said is non-forcible. He did not force the girl into anything and it was only a 3 year age difference. He was open and honest with you about the situation.. I'd say it sounds good to go so far! The question is are YOU willing to tough out the bad times with him... like you said that record will haunt him for the rest of his life! Jobs, relationships (friends as well as girlfriends), family, every aspect of his life will be affected by this. Can you deal with that? If you can't see yourself holding a future with him then don't waste his or your time. Most importantly.. be friends before it goes to the next level. It's always good to get to know someone as well as you possibly can before starting a relationship. Especially in a situation like this where the person has a criminal record.   Good luck and be careful!  

Answer 13

Well, if he had the other girl's complete consent and she was just underage, I can't see any harm in it, especially if he was honest and open with you.

However, if you can't see a future in the relationship, why are you in it?

Answer 14

If you cannot see a future with this guy,then break it off now,why even bother?

If what he said was true and he was 17,she was 14, then it is his and her's parents who are to blame.They were horny children.However it is hard to believe he got jail time for that,never the less, if he has stayed out of trouble since then,I can say he learned from an immature mistake and should not be punished the rest of his life for it,as you quoted from the F.B.I.,it wasn't forced.

Answer 15

total candor on his part means he's mature enough to accept that you may reject him due to his past.

in your case, it would be immature of you to reject him for being totally honest with you.

just because he's officially charged with statutory rape (s*x with a minor) doesn't mean he's a textbook rapist (forcible, non-consensual s*x).

that being said, it seems you've already decided that you can't see yourself "holding a future with this guy, he has a record that will follow him and affect his job history for the rest of his life."

maybe you should ask yourself, would your decision still be the same if your crystal ball shows him 15 years down the road, running his own business and making a decent living for his wife & kids?

whoever marries him for the good in him will probably be the reason for his success.

good luck

Answer 16

If you cant see a future with him, dont waste your time. But if you can and can deal with his future job situations I dont think that there is anything wrong with him....Her parents probably told on him beacuse they found out that they had s*x, and did not like that. In a lot of states you have to be eaither 17 or 18 inorder to have s*x.  In his state it is prob 17 thats why they tried him as an adult. So when people look at his record in that state they most likely will understand, if they are smart enough to look it up and find out exactly what happend and why. But yeah anyways i'm sure he'll have some hard times in front of him and you will to, but like i said if you dont see a future with him dont waste your time and dont make things harder for both of you when you decide to break-up later. And yes, it is a lot better to wait till your married, my husband had s*x with a girlfriend of his back in the day a few times. and it still grosses me out to this day. i dont let him know that, but it does. Its nice to be sexual with the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with your right.  

Answer 17

yer date him for a while see how it goes.  

Answer 18

wow, you have really thought this through well~

to me, the key is that you "can't see myself holding a future with this guy" ~~ a relationship without future is not worth pursuing for... bc no matter who end up breaking off the relationship, both parties will feel miserable about it. as the feelings aren't too deep, it's better to decide whether or not to be just frds with him.

tell him that you really value his honesty, but do lead him on to think that you too can become more than frds.  

Answer 19

I would say you should carry on with the relationship for some more time. Nobody's perfect. I guess it was a chance that he had taken and one thing you have to consider is that he did not try to hide anything from you.

I would say you should carry on with him.

Answer 20

forget it are you going to ruin it with a guy cause of mistakes he made when i was 16 i stole from stores but i never knew know when you younger you make disions cause its cool and being like every other teenager when he was he made a mistake not like he killed someone

Answer 21

if you like the guy i doubt you should be calling him a rapist, he didn't force the girl, if anything, she was the one at fault.  i really don't like the law about statutory rape, i understand where its coming from though i don't think it should be labelled as rape, it should be renamed something more fitting, it's not like he forced the girl or anything, but i do find it hard to believe that he thought she was 18.

you can't really say that it wasn't his fault at all, he was a willing particpant, but i am curious as to how they were both caught out, it sounds as though she was the one how dobbed him in, after a break up perhaps? or was it her parents?

there's really no sure fire way to protect yourself from everything bad, sometimes its necessary to experience some bad things, otherwise how else are we supposed to get stronger.  Sometimes you have no choice but to put your trust in someone even if your not 100% sure something will work out.

here is something i've always been curious about, if they were both underage then why wasn't she charged as well? it can't be one rule for men and then another for women, that just throws equality out of the window.

This is just my opinion, but it seems as though you try to peotect youself too much, you say that even though he told you his past you would have found out through public records anyway.  I think this is taking it a little too far, its sounds like a betrayal of trust of sorts, if you wanted to know stuff about the people you are with, the you should ask that person and get the whole story, rather than making your judgment froma piece of paper without having the whole story.

Answer 22

I think you answered your own question by coming on here - and almost beckoning an answer to "have permission" to date this guy.

The question is: Are YOU comfortable dating someone with this past? Statutory rape isn't as bad as "a regular rape" (if you can even call it that), but this guy is obviously going to have this on his record for the rest of His life. Is that going to be ok with you? What will your family/friends think? Do you care for their opinion?

If you're not sitting well with this already, you're going to have a lot of doubt when you get into the relationship. Take a good hard look at yourself morally and decide from there. We can't decide what is right or wrong for you.

Answer 23

if u dont see a future together with this guy.....stop contacts with him...easy

Answer 24

I think you should decide what to do but If i were in your shoes I never do thisss

because..you can know what age people are with their manner

you can guess easily

it's lie

Answer 25

she told she was 18 and this makes it better?i dont think so.

dont risk yourself,dont see him again.

Answer 26

stop asking this question

Answer 27

This is a tough one,

he didn't lie to you so that is a very good sign.

And he was just a kid, so i think you should give him a chance.

Answer 28

I really think he has nothing to hide from you. He told you right away. So it seems he being open & honest about the situation. You have no reason Not to believe him & that he didn't know she was 14. Lots of girls lie about there age! Esp. to older cuter guys. Statuatory rape is not the sameI don't think it makes him a "rapist". You should give him the benefit of the doubt. It sucks that he will have a record...but if you really care about him don't let that get in the way. I know lots of girls who started having s*x at 14 (yes it's wrong & they are too young) but I mean to say it happens a Lot! He was just unlucky enough to be charged.  

Answer 29

Your obviously interested in this guy or you wouldnt be asking this question. People make mistakes, and people can change.. its upto you wether you can forget about his past and accept him for who he is now, hes probarbly learnt from his experience. He says she told him she was 18 but im sure someone would be able to tell the difference between a 14 year old and an 18 year old.. its all down to what you feel is he right thing to do in your heart.

good luck x

Answer 30

I think you should give the guy a chance. I mean that happend along time ago right>? what would you do if it happend to you>? would you like it if some one judge you>? So if hes honest enough to tell you about it instead of waiting 3 to 6 months down the road I think you can give him a half *** chance. Remember if it doesnt work out you can always tell him up front. As long has he repents and valves never to do it again and hes gone thru some kind of chance and classes you shouldnt have anything to worry about. Good Luck!