I'm dating a rapist...or Am I? Should I pardon him???

Question

met this guy two weeks ago, we've been talking a lot. He seems to be good person and a person I could be interested in. EXCEPT, he was charged with statutory rape when he was 17 with a female that was 14 (she told him he was 18). He didn't fail to tell me, although I would have found out anyway through public records. Everything, he said was true. He was 17, but charged as an adult.

For those who don't know what statutory rape is, In accordance with the FBI definition, statutory rape is characterized as NON-FORCIBLE sexual intercourse with a person who is younger than the statutory age of consent. The actual ages for these laws vary greatly from state-to-state, as do the punishments for offenders.

Now, we all know that people tend to lie about their age. I've done it!! People don't look there age, carries an older sibling identification, going to older bars for people over 21. How do you find out the truth? How do you protect yourself?

I can't see myself holding a future with this guy, he has a record that will follow him and affect his job history for the rest of his life. Should I hold him accountable for his action, even though it's really wasn't his fault and he's now 25.

It's best to say, be soluvent and wait til you're married....now a days.

Additional Details

I'm sorry...but I just had to respond to Jonny's answer. I am far from a stalker for going through public records. I've learn from experience, not everyone is open about their past. Especially, if their a murderer, a thief, or a s*x offender, etc... It's better to know now, you don't want certain type of people around your children or your home. You might come home one day and everything's gone, find yourself in a abusive relationship, or someone abusing your child. Not saying people don't change, but you can't settle down with someone who can't make a living and you spend most of your life supporting them.

Answer 1

I think you are thinking way too much about someone you've only been dating for two weeks.  I also do not think he is a criminal.  I do however think that you should stop making excuses by saying she lied about her age, what the h**l did you expect him to tell you.  You do not know the story so do not try to defend it.  He made a mistake when he was younger end of story.  If you want to stay with him then by all means do it.

Answer 2

In general a person charged with a statutory rape is not in the same category (nor is of the same mindset criminally) as a conventional "rapist" (a violent, forced sexual assault) though there have been cases where those distinctions have been blurred. In fact, in some states pursuing a 17 year old on a statutory charge would not pass muster with the District Attorney; That it DOES in your area is more indicative of the political climate where you live than anything else. I don't make light of what he did; it demonstrates poor judgment. But everyone has made some judgment errors, especially when they're 17. There are records, then there are records. His situation, while unfortunate, isn't aberrant. I can easily imagine any number of guys finding themselves in a similar predicament. On the other hand, I cannot identify in any way with a rapist. See the difference? If you're inclined to hold that against him, it's certainly your choice, only do him a favor, and just stay out of his life altogether, because he doesn't deserve that. They say, "you're only as sick as your secrets..." If that's true, this guy's going to be just fine.

Answer 3

I think only you can decide if you can pardon him for things that happened in the past. But you say you can't see yourself with him in the future so really what is the point of worrying about it then? Maybe just remain friends with him.

Answer 4

I personally don't think he should pay for the rest of his life for that one mistake.  It wasn't really his fault.  He thought she was 18 so he didn't even know he was doing anything wrong at the time.  Also he was only 17 and has done nothing wrong in the last 8 years.  And you did say he was honest with you.  

Answer 5

  I think he is a decent guy. I think it is rediculous he got charged. It could happen to anyone. If he is a nice guy then go with him. He is extrordinarily honest to tell you that so he seems decent. In any case he won't rape you so why worry?

Answer 6

i commend your initiative...

its too late for this guy, the damage is done...

i'd move on