I'm dating a rapist...or am I??????

Question

I met this guy two weeks ago, we've been talking a lot. He seems to be good person and a person I could be interested in. EXCEPT, he was charged with statutory rape when he was 17 with a female that was 14 (she told him he was 18). He didn't fail to tell me, although I would have found out anyway through public records. Everything, he said was true. He was 17, but charged as an adult.

For those who don't know what statutory rape is, In accordance with the FBI definition, statutory rape is characterized as NON-FORCIBLE sexual intercourse with a person who is younger than the statutory age of consent. The actual ages for these laws vary greatly from state-to-state, as do the punishments for offenders.

Now, we all know that people tend to lie about their age. I've done it!! People don't look there age, carries an older sibling identification, going to older bars for people over 21. How do you find out the truth? How do you protect yourself?

I can't see myself holding a future with this guy, he has a record that will follow him and affect his job history for the rest of his life. Should I hold him accountable for his action, even though it's really wasn't his fault and he's now 25.

It's best to say, be soluvent and wait til you're married....now a days.

Answer 1

You said it yourself. "I can't see myself holding a future with this guy"

Dump him now and get it over with.

Answer 2

I don't see it as an issue. He didn't know she was underage so he didn't know he was doing anything wrong. The only way he could have been caught was from her reporting it so she purposefully decieved him to get him into trouble. Even if that's not the case he was still unaware, some 14 yr olds really do look 18! He could hardly ask for identification!

Answer 3

No, you're not! He was deceived, he is an innocent man and a gem for telling you upfront about it!  

Answer 4

You would of looked through his public records? You stalker!

Answer 5

you can carry on if you feel that he is a changed person. if not just forget him and move on

Answer 6

If it was consentual s*x and the girl really did lie to him about her age, then I don't think you should hold it against him too much. I mean, he is going to have to deal with that mistake on his own and it doesn't really involve you. It's something I am sure he would never do again, an innocent mistake. And it was a long time ago!!! Didn't you ever do anything stupid when you were 17?

Answer 7

By reading from above to bottom of what you have written, I get to one conclusion only, you do care about this person and you really want ( from deep of your heart) to believe he's innocent,

If this is really want you believe then just stick on it.

He might have this bad history in his life, bad the important is what is he right now for you, how is he in your eyes?

The decision is all yours, if you want to blame him, go ahead and dump him, but if you decide to undrestant him, then just forget about the history and try to live the moment and injoy the time you two are shearing together.

Good luck

Answer 8

We all make mistakes, but only some of us get caught.....

I was no longer a virgin by the time I turned 13, and so I suppose I am as guilty as the young boy who broke my virgin because I wanted it.....

Now who is to say that she was in fact a virgin when he slept with her?

Chances are 99% that she was not, and that she wanted it...

Besides, she also lied about her age at the time....

No, I think you should keep this guy and be his girl.

You may indeed be his only chance to normality.

Do not keep punishing him for ever,.......

Answer 9

"I can't see myself holding a future with this guy, he has a record that will follow him and affect his job history for the rest of his life."

You answered your own question. Why spend anymore time with him?

Answer 10

There are a lot of young people that have been tagged with the stigma of being a rapist in this type of case. I think it's unfortunate when it really is a case of two young people that have made bad decisions. If I were a young man in these times, I'd get me a photocopier and ask for ID, photocopy it and keep it on file for anyone I dated.

Should you hold him accountable? I think the state has already done that. It happened before you were together and was a mistake of teenagers.

His past will affect your future, chances are he will be listed on s*x offenders websites and a lot of them are harassed. As far as jobs go, I think if he explains the circumstances, most employers would accept it for just what it was, a mistake of two teens. If you dont feel you can handle the problems his arrest record could potentially produce, you need to leave him.

Answer 11

Don't ever hold it against him. I was like 20 years old, and all my college mates though I was 31. Things like this will happen. If you can't stand with him in this situation, then I guess you don't really, as in really love him.

Make your choice, the sooner the better. Break it down to him softly if you decide not to go on.

Hope you choose right. :)

Just a friend trying to help...

Answer 12

Excuse me, but the crime he was charged with WAS his fault - are you trying to blame a child for his inability to keep it in his pants?? If so, then that's totally unfair on the child. The fact that the child lied about her age is neither here nor there - he should have realised and left her alone. There are subtle signs that a person is not the claimed age - s/he might act in a way that makes another think that s/he is telling lies. there is a saying in the north of England (where I'm from). It goes; "When in doubt, do nowt". This applies to this situation. It means that, if anyone has ANY doubt as to whether a person is being honest with them, they should do nothing about it. So, if your friend wasn't sure of the girl's actual age, he should have sent her away. This is why he was charged with the crime he was charged with.

So my answer is yes, you should hold him accountable for his actions. How this affects your relationship, however, is a matter for your conscience.

Answer 13

Is this about him or about u? If its about him, its alright. He did something when he was 17 maybe for whatever reason. People change, they mature.

But if its about u, stay away as there is no point in being with some one whom u have a doubt against and u dont trust.

All the best for a better future.

Answer 14

get over him.  this loser did smthng cos he cudn't control his sexual desire and there is no guarantee that he will b faithful to you. and other reasons like job and everythng so better sideline him get someone better as a human being