I'm disgusted from my father, how do I get over this?

Question

I don't know where it all starts. I remember when I was a kid, like 4-5-6 years old, if me or my brother did something wrong, my dad would tell us to stay on our knees with raised hands facing the wardrobe. I know it sounds terrifying, but that was like almost 20 years ago, and my country is a bit underdeveloped. Then when I was around 13-14 years old, my dad was helping me with maths every evening, and whenever I didn't understand something he would get really frustrated and hit me on my head with his hand and I would start crying. I also remember around that time, I didn't want to eat meat coz it made me gag, and my dad used to yell at me and tell me I would not leave the kitchen until i eat the meat in my plate. He used to hit my brother with his belt, but he has never done this to me, maybe because I am a girl. I have always been afraid of him though, and greatly respecting him because of this. He is different now, never opens a word about these things, and he is very loving and financially supportive.

I'm not sure but I think my memories might be the reason I am disgusted. I live alone now, but he came to visit me for 3 months and it became even more apparent to me. My father showers only twice per week. Burbs and farts even on the street. He never uses his hand when he sneezes and when he does it in the car or in the room it starts smelling like saliva or something. He eats like a pig, really fast and loud, facing his plate horizontally while food falls from his mouth. When he is done he starts picking food stuck between his teeth with his fingers. I get really disgusted when I wash the dishes or forks he has eaten with. I feel he can't do anything without my mother, he doesn't know how to turn on the washing machine and doesn't even wanna learn because it is easier when she does it, or when I did in the past 3 months.

I know some people would really laugh at that, and I guess it is funny, but I really don't wanna feel this way. I can't confront him with it because he would get extremely offended and I find it hard to talk to him about serious matters anyway. I just want to love him for the reason that he is my father, but from the inside those things really bother me.

Answer 1

He hit you because he wanted you to be good, you have to agree to that. regarding his behaviour, you have to personally interact with him and tell him about that. You may talk to him when he's relaxed or leave him letters to show that you care. Never talk rude and stay calm when he eats. You can give him books on eating manners. And tell him that if he cares for you, then he should change. Again, be polite and stay calm. Make up your mind to face harsh opposotion from his side. Stay calm. Tell him that if he doesn't bath his colleagues will call him a skunk. And what's the result? You alone know, I don't.

Answer 2

you have to talk to him really

Answer 3

yea memories like that arent easy to get over.....and the person he is now is not so good......try to help him, he IS  your father....and if he gets offended, well....that's just his problem

Answer 4

Try forgetting about your dad.

Move away for a while, then come back, and he will seem like a new person to you.

This might show him that he was wrong to hurt you and your brother throughout the years.

This situation is one that is hard to forget.

If not, go to a counsellor.

Answer 5

They are who they are.  We can’t chose our family, or our parents – If that was the case ½ of us would be exchanging them for one reason or another.

I agree, you have bad memories, but you also are not impressed with the person your father is now.   I can’t blame you, he would be embarrassing and annoying.  

– Still, for yourself, you are going to have to find a way to come to terms with him.  You don’t have to like him for what he did/and how he is now. – But you need to love him for the fact;  without him, there would be no you.  And because of him, you are here and able to enjoy the joys that life has offered you.  

Try reminding yourself of that each time you get disgusted by him- maybe it will help

Answer 6

i believe that you dont have to love anyone if you dont want to, even family.....and nothings forcing you(from what i read) to stay in contact with him!

if i was you i would move far away, change my phone number, and change my name......end of story(with your father in your life that is)

add on: i wouldn't confront him like other people are telling you too.....because you never know if he might snap, and try to kill you!   if you are going to confront him, make sure your at least have a gun, knife, or a group of friends with you!

Answer 7

My dad is somewhat similar to yours. He used to hit me...so, it is hard to be confortable with him. The only thing i can tell you is Dont try to hide of those feelings....the only thing you're doing is making the feeling stronger. Try to get counseling....it helps a lot....

Answer 8

Fiat thing you and your brother should really stand up for them self I dont care where you live but even if you lived under his roaf he didnt have the right to treat you like that (thats from where your feelings come)

Listen he reminds me of my own Father seriously he is just  using you tell him to learn how to use the washing machine and to change his eating habbits he wanted you to be perfect but he didnt seen his faults treat  him the same way you was treaten by him dont be Naive its not love youre just affraid of him offended tell him who the **** cares  did he care that he hurted you after all you have the right to be offended also!!!

Listen My father is the same and whenever I stand up to him he also sais that he will throw me out and he also yeld at me so I sometime do tell him what a ****** he is of course Its only thnx to my mom that I didnt kill him yet cause he is disquisting and Idiot to boot

Girl be resonable you dontlive under his roaf he dosent Pay for you SO why the h**l are you doing his loundry just tell the ****** to leave also do not trouble yourself with feelings of guilt he is using you Girl do not ALLOW that its finnaly time to say to him who he really is and you know youre on your own so dont waste your time ! with him tell him that you have other things to do than being humiliated by him if necceasery take your brother into your own custody and take care of him himself  if you need to have a family member living in your own house let it be your younger brother who suffered so much humiliation ! and throw the b*****d from your house now !

Answer 9

Our parents raise us the way their parents raised them.  From the sound of it your father grew up in an ignorant, uncouth family, where good manners and personal hygine were not very important, but respect and obeydience towards adults was.  He may now be sorry for what happended when you were young, and maybe you became a better person, having ristrictions and rules to follow, but thankfully you did not turn out like him I hope.  Here is a thing, we may love someone, but we don't necessarily have to like them.  They may not like somethings with us.  Parents, love their kids, even when they know their bad points.  So you too should try and take both bad and good points and love your father despite all that.  We should try changing ourself and our persepective instead of the person in front of us.  You can gently correct your father, when he does somthing that offendes you or in a light laughing manner.  Although accept him as he  is and rember all the loving and forgiving he gave you when you were young.  Usually we rember all the time we were punished and scolded more than we rember the times, they sat with us when we were sick, or took care of us when we were wee babies, our education, our everyday needs etc.  It is easier to rember the negetives cause they stick out.  So try to rember the positive and you will find that those bad parts don't really matter cause of his love for you and yours for him.