I'm engaged, but can't stop thinking about my ex (the love of my life)

Question

I've been with my fiance for over two years. We have been through a lot of ups and downs. We haven't set a date for the wedding yet, which is a good thing right now..my ex, (who's in the marines) whom I also consider to be the love of my life, keeps coming back into my life. Once in awhile, we talk online and he is home on leave right now, and we spent an afternoon together ( I didn't cheat) and it felt right, old feelings kept coming back, and everyone tells me that we seem more compatible, and seem to click more than my fiance and I do. And now all I can think about is my ex! And he feels the same way towards me, we talked about it. He gets out of the Marines in a year and a half. These feelings are taking over, and I don't know what to do. It's almost like we are destined to be together.. Any advice??

Answer 1

If the Marine is the "Love of you life" then why did you even say yes to your fiances proposal?  It would be unfair to your fiance to marry him when your heart truly belongs with someone else. I can't tell you what to do, but it sounds like you want to get out of your current relationship and be with your marine. Follow your heart and trust your instincts. That is the best advice I can give you.

Answer 2

you have said it already, your ex is THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. what more is there to ask?? Like i don't know you so there are 2 options. First of all if you like him and he likes you and you don't care about anything else, then tell your fiance that you can't marry him and stuff. It's simple. And the second option is unless you feel insecure when you are with your ex cos he is not always around, then you will have to think about it and talk to him.

Answer 3

My advice to you is, Don't get married, and Listen to your heart!

Answer 4

Do not get married.  Your fiance deserves to be married to someone who actually wants to be married to him.  Don't put yourself and him through all that pain.  If you have doubts, you are making a huge mistake.  You can't easily undo things like that.  How old are you anyway?  You said you didn't cheat, but your fiance may have a different opinion if he knew how you felt about the other guy.  How would you feel if that was you?  

Answer 5

I see two issues here:

One--you should have never accepted a proposal from someone when you have feelings for another.  I know the sparkle from diamonds are hard to ignore but you should have said no.

Two--you are in love with someone that is not commited to you.  You should be in love with someone that is in your life...not someone that keeps coming back into your life.  That isn't fair and he's using you.

Answer 6

if your still in love with ur ex then y r u engaged? don't fool ur self in marrying this guy because u don't really love him...if you feel yall r destined to be together then be together....don't drag this other guy along.

Answer 7

DO NOT SET A DATE!...leave things how they are until you figure out what you want to do..the same thing sort of happened to me..i was really in love with this guy but i refused to get close to him because he was leaving for the military and i dont think that i could have been without him so i got with my fiance now and we have a daughter and are engaged and im happy now but when we were first together my ex (the one talked about in the above) came home for good and i had to make a choice on who i wanted to be with...at the time i was pregnant with my fiance's daughter and i personally had to choose my fiance ( now i know that i did the right thing) but you need to KNOW who you want and why you want them...it sounds to me like your pulling for the marines guy

Answer 8

Dont get married!!!!!!!! You wont be happy! If your ex is for you then it will happen....take it slow though dont rush and wait until you are out of one relationship to start another! I am going through the same thing only the guy is also in a realtionship. You have to understand that maybe the ex is there only to get you out of this current relationship and he might not be the one for you either. Whatever you do take it slow and be sure YOU are happy and YOU dont settle!

Answer 9

You need to do what's in your heart!!  You need to be happy!!

Answer 10

DO NOT GET MARRIED!  If your in love with someone else then you should definalty not even be in another relationship!  If it felt right with your ex then you need to pursue that.  Good Luck!

Answer 11

Is there a way that you can emotionally break it off with the both of them for at least 2 years, be by yourself, date others, and find those qualities that you love about the both of them in another single individual?

Answer 12

You need to think about your fiance and tell him about it and end it with him. Don't be pressured by the whole I am engaged thing. Feelings are very strong and they will eventually take over. You are in a very good spot right now. Atleast you know your fiance is not the one for you now, irrespective of your ex. Your ex is just a character and it could happen with anyone else too. It will hurt your fiance but atleast he won't have to face an even worse situation. Just talk and no matter what he says don't get convinced. Do the right thing.

Answer 13

Whether you end up with your Ex or not, you don't have feelings that are that strong for the man you are currently engaged to. It is honorable that you didn't cheat on him. Good for you! I don't think you belong in the relationship with your fiance. It isn't fair to you or to him to "settle." End it before the wedding, not after you are married and have kids. Good luck.. I wish you the best.

Answer 14

You are being totally unfair to your fiance, he is willing to commit his life to you, and give his heart to you, and you can't do the same.  You need to have a serious talk with your fiance about your relationship. He needs to be in the know.  

Answer 15

If you are having second thoughts you aren't ready to get married to your fiance. And if you have these deep feelings for your Ex, why did you break up? I think you should get get back together with your ex if you to still have these feeling for each other.

Answer 16

Hold off on getting married for now.

Don't progess wedding plans any further because things can get complicated.

If you really feel that strongly about you ex tell you fiance you need to time just to think.

And during the duration of your time apart .try and figure out how you feel about your fiance as opposed to your ex..but does your ex really feel the same way about you? Would you marry your ex or would he want to be with you as much as you want to be with him?

good luck

Answer 17

you shouldn't even consider getting married to your FI if he's not "the love of your life."! it's not fair to him. he deserves a lot better than this. if you really think you can make it with the marine (which, obviously you can't or you would be together right now), then cut this guy loose so he can find the woman he deserves!

no one is "destined" to be with someone else, we all have choices to make, and giving it up to fate is just a poor excuse you are using because you know you are treating your FI like c**p. woman up and do the right thing for your FI.  

Answer 18

it sounds like you'd rather be with your ex than your fiance.... you should do taht then.... don't marry someone you dont' want to be with!

Answer 19

In fairness to your current you need to resolve that issue before moving forward with your ex.  You owe that to your fiance.  Putting the ex aside, it sounds like you are not committed or ready to marry your fiance.  Once you get that worked out and you decide not to marry then pursue your feelings on the ex.  Also he's an ex for a reason.  Is the issue that broke you two up not an issue anymore?

Answer 20

If you have feeling for anyone else be fair to your fiance, call off the wedding and let him go.  dont hold him there "just incase".  He deserves someonet hat really love him and want to be with him and no one else!  

Answer 21

Break off the engagement. Not for your ex, but because you're not in love with your fiancee. Now, about the ex. It's hard to have a relationship with someone in the military. Take the time off (1 year and a half) to be single. Talk to your ex, enjoy each others company when you can, and maybe you two are destined to be together. But, all in all, break off this engagement or you will be miserable the rest of your life.

Answer 22

sounds like you should be with your ex. just like in the movie sweet home alabama. tell him that you already gave your heart away and you never got it back. talk to your ex and see if he feels like you do and if he does, then marry him.

good luck:D

Answer 23

I'd say break off the engagement and figure out what you want without being tied to anyone.  You can't be planning on getting married to spend the rest of your life with someone if your heart isn't 100 percent in it, and you even have thoughts and feelings for someone who's been coming and going in your life.  Whether or not it's the marine, or someone else who comes along, you're not committed to the one you're engaged to and you need to give yourself some space and be fair to your fiance.