I'm feeling out the beliefs here....care to add yours?

Question

Do you believe......

1)changing the name of a newly adopted infant/child is acceptable? ethical?

2)do you support the denial of adoptees access to their original birth certificate and adoption papers?

3)do you think that adoption fee's should vary depending on race of the child?

4) do you think surrendering parents on average are making informed decisions to surrender their children to adoption

5)do you believe that trauma happens to children just from losing their biological parents?

6)do you think adoption is a way to provide families with children? or provide children with families?

7)do you think that unregulated adoption agencies in the United States is acceptable?

8)do you think that lawyers/dr's/agencies profiting off of adoptions is acceptable?

Answer 1

I answer this with an open heart, and as honestly as I can.  I do this with trepidation and mean no offense, these are just beliefs I have formed, some have changed throughy my YA and adoption class experience but some have not.  Okay enough qualifiying:

1.  I do believe it is okay to change (alter) the child's name.  I think adding one, maybe a new middle name and the surname of you and husband is okay.  We in fact HAVE to change the first names due to safety issues, but are moving first names to middle names and still calling by first names.

2.  I think all adoptees shoudl have access to OBC and adoption papers.  Just not when they are 4,5 & 6.  When they arrive in April we will focus on giving them lvoe and support and teachign love should not hurt.

3.  Adoption fee's should not vary depending on race of child.  Ick.

4.  I think here in Canada surrending parents are making informed choices.  I think actually the numbers are staggeringly high of people choosing to parent here in my province.  The numbers of children who have been taken from parents are high and are the highest number of adoptions.

5.  Trauma for our kids occured more from abuse and neglect and I feel in my bones that abuse was worse than teh abandonment feeling; however, I do see where it is loss when children are given up at birth with no information.  

6.  I think adoption is a differnt ways families are created.  Adoption is driven for us out of a desire to have a family.  We then looked at our options and chose foster care adoption.  We are not altruistic people.  We went in for our own desire to have a family (just as those who get pregnant do) but the child will (hopefully) benefit from our love, as they do not have parents.  If their parents had been able to care for them and not abused them, then they woudl not be our children.  If there were no children for adoption we would have not pursued it.  

7.  Unregulated adoption agencies are icky anywhere.  All of our adoption agencies via. private or public (most are done public through foster care) are regulated.

8.  Adoption agencies should be non-profit, though they will have to pay social workers and such standard wages.  Any agency making money is wrong.  It is like any non-profit, I worked in a women's shelter, we of course were paid a wage, but the agency itself was not a money maker, hence non-profit.

Good questions all, thanks for asking.

Answer 2

1)  It is certainly not preferable.

2)  A thousand times no.

3) See above

4) It depends, but very often not.

5) Sure it does.

6) It ought to be the second option, but has become the first.

7) Slave trade anyone?

8) See above

Answer 3

1.  Depends on the age.  Newborn, certainly.  Old enough to know their name, no.

2. I'm still iffy on this one.  I can certainly see both sides of it and it's a difficult choice to make between the adoptee's right to know and the birthfamily's right to privacy.  There may be some very compelling reasons to keep things private, so I can't say unilaterally one way or the other.  If the birthfamily and adoptee are both willing, then sure.  I'm referring to those very few instances where there are some pretty traumatic circumstances involved.  Medical history should always be available.

3. No.

4. Yes.

5. Can it happen, yes.  Does it happen every single time, probably not.  Everyone's experience is unique and I try to avoid broad answers to unique circumstances.

6. Both.  There's nothing wrong with families who want children.  But the focus should always be what is in the best interests of the child.

7. No.  I would never use an adoption agency that could  not show me state recognized credientials.  I take a rather dim view of the "adoption faciliators".  Just doesn't pass that "gut feeling".

8.  Nobody should be getting rich from adoptions, but for those whose career is to help children and families find one another, I don't expect that they do this for free either!  Agencies and lawyers should not be getting kickbacks or incentives or anything like that!

Answer 4

1) I do think it is acceptable and ethical IF the child is an infant.  If the child were two or older, I'd keep the first name the same.

2) I think adoptees should have the right to their files

3) I don't think fees should vary on race - I actually don't think there should be fees at all!  We are saving the govt. money by adopting anyway!

4) Yes, I don't think most people just do it on a whim.

5) Usually I don't think it's trauma, but it will likely stay with them (a feeling of abandonment)

6) Both

7) Yes, especially if it is family based

8) They need to stay in business, but I personally think it should all be govt. funded

Answer 5

As an adoptee, I am so happy I was raised by my family and not my biological family.  I have met my biological family and desired to do so to find out family health history.  I do wish family health history was not closed records.  As for changing the child's name...if the child is a new-born infant, then yes.  If the child is older, just add the adoptive family's last name at the end.  I also think that biological parents should be offered counseling and support before, during, and after the adoption process

Answer 6

1) Yes, I believe it's acceptable and ethical. I changed my son's name when I brought him home -- not because I wanted to erase his past but because he had a very long, very silly, girly-sounding made up name that I honestly didn't think he would appreciate when he got older.

2) I do NOT support denial of access to OBCs and other papers.

3) I think that charging money for a child is disgusting. I think that one race being "more valued" than another is even MORE disgusting.

4) I would not have known what this question even MEANT six months ago. Now I do and I think there is WAY too much coercion going on. Therefore I don't think most surrendering parents are being properly informed of their rights, etc.

5) Yes.

6) Quite honestly, both. But in order for a family to "gain" a child, it should be a child who would otherwise have no parents, NOT a child taken from a woman who has been coerced to surrender her baby.

7) NO!

8) Absolutely not. Adoption should be nonprofit. Period.

Answer 7

1)  This one I'm not sure on.  If the child is still an infant, I really don't know what to say.  While I named the baby I relinquished only to have her renamed (which hurt me), I can't say that as an adoptive parent, I wouldn't have done the same, had I adopted an infant with a name I didn't like.  For a child who clearly knows their name, then no.

2) No- I don't support the denial of any paperwork to anyone who is an adult, or who has a capable adult there to provide said paperwork (adoptive parents, biological parents, guardians) if the paperwork involves them in any way.

3) NO!  'Nuf said.

4) Yes.  

5) To me, it depends on the age of the child.  I don't agree that it causes lifetime trauma when a child and parent are separated for whatever reason, at birth.  (Not to say that I don't believe that babies do know their mother's voices, heartbeats, etc.- I just don't believe the seperation causes 'trauma'- I believe infants are more resiliant.  At a certain age, I still can't name a number, then yes, I do believe that seperation causes trauma.  That is part of why I don't believe in coercion to parent- when an individual has decided that adoption is the route they'd like to go, but are coerced into parenting, I'd hate to think that the child may be neglected/abused or relinquished later.  I believe that there are times a parent just needs to let their infant go.

6) Yes, both.

7) No.

8) Lawyers profiting, (making more than their usual fees for legal services), no.  Dr.'s profiting in the same way, no.  Agencies, yes- but I do feel there should be limits- just like I don't feel that a grocery store should not be able to charge $20 for a loaf of bread just because people want bread, I don't feel agencies should be able to charge extreme amounts because people want children.  I am okay with a slight profit for the SERVICES they provide, not 'the sale of children'- I think that the two are separate issues. (In this example, think of getting your haircut... $30+ to have someone use a pair of scissors is not reasonable, to me, but they do need to be compensated for their time, their skill that they went to school to learn, the space that they are providing, etc.)

Answer 8

Let me ask a question then i'll come back and answer.

1) in most cases i'd keep the name.  I'm still confused about whether to change a foreign name so the child does not get teased.  IDK

2) i support adoptee's access to everything

3) no

4) thru info on this forum, sadly no

5) yes

6) hadn't thought about it before this forum, to provide children with families.

7) no

8) no

okay... I would have to change number 1) to no and no

Thanks to everyone who answered my questions and helped enlighten me!

Answer 9

1. I used to think it was acceptable until coming on here.  My concern was the kids my wife and i were looking at in foster care had "weird" names that i thought would hinder them later in life i wanted to give them something more "normal"   But i realize now how much that is apart of them even if they are a baby

2. No they should have access to their birth certificate but that opinion has also changed

3. NO

4.  Yes i do think that most make informed decisions and are not pressured in any way  there are all ways exceptions

5.  Yes but think there are was to lessen it

6.  Both

7.NO

8.  Well yes.  They need to make a living and lawyers make way to much money anyway no matter  what they do.  I think the fees are in line with any lawyer you go to for anything the same is for Dr.  

Also i do believe in non profit agencies and believe they are non profit.  The money they make goes to the social workers to make sure  or at least try to make sure that the child is going into a good home and to the running of the business.    I don't be live in for profit adoption agencies

Answer 10

1) infant acceptable but not ethical. Older notacceptable or ethical.

2)No

3)no

4) no

5) yes

6) unfortunately families with children

7) no

8) no

Answer 11

1) Changing the name - Most children should be able to keep their real name, but in some instances a change is ok.

2)no, adoptees should not be denied access to their own information

3)No, fees should not change based on race

4)I don't feel like I should answer this, I don't know enough about what women are told here in the US.  If a mom feels that she was pressured, I believe her. If a mom says that she feels comfortable with her decision to relinquish, I believe her. I can't second guess people who have actually been in that position. But I do think that there should be assistance for women to help them at least try to parent if they want to. Also, contracting before a baby is born may not be fair to moms who are scared and emotional.

5)yes, loss of parents = trauma

6)number one consideration should be to provide children with loving, stable homes.  

7)no, unregulated agencies are not acceptable.

8) I suppose that if lawyers/dr's/agencies are involved, they'll insist on getting paid.  But if you mean, private adoption in the US should give way to all adoptions being handled by the states, I think that's a great idea.  Adoption shouldn't be a 'for profit' business.

Answer 12

1)changing the name of a newly adopted infant/child is acceptable? ethical?

I believe if the name is not totally "out there" then keeping it should not be an issue....  I think it is ethical and acceptable for a newborn MORE so than any child whom has been called by a name...

2)do you support the denial of adoptees access to their original birth certificate and adoption papers?

I support open records of all kinds when a person is of legal age... Until then like any other child I believe the parents should use their best judgement...

3)do you think that adoption fee's should vary depending on race of the child?

No Oppinion as we did not pay for our adoptions in any way shape or form....

4) do you think surrendering parents on average are making informed decisions to surrender their children to adoption

The ones that I personally know who have placed a baby or child or contemplated placing a baby or child have expressed they believed they were making an informed decission... The reunited adoptees I personal know report that their birth families made an informed decision to surrender....  The only exposure I have to anyone feeling they did not make an informed decision have been on the Internet.

5)do you believe that trauma happens to children just from losing their biological parents?  

I believe there is a loss--and I believe that in many cases there is trauma such as for our daughter who was the second child--the first being surrendered at birth--she being removed from her birthmother by the police four years later.... She has Trauma.... Our son who was removed at 6-weeks DOES not have the same kind of trauma as his sister...the other 2 siblings in another adoptive home--do not appear to suffer the same kind of trauma our little girl does....

6)do you think adoption is a way to provide families with children? or provide children with families?

It is away to provide children with families... There would not be adoption if there were no children or babies needing to be adopted.

7)do you think that unregulated adoption agencies in the United States is acceptable?

I have no oppinion here--as I have no relationship with an adoption agency... Only DHS

8)do you think that lawyers/dr's/agencies profiting off of adoptions is acceptable?

Our attorney didn't charge us anything for both adoptions and added our will and family trust to the transaction for no costs!

Answer 13

1)changing the name of a newly adopted infant/child is acceptable? ethical?

If the child already has a name, I believe it should be left as it is.

2)do you support the denial of adoptees access to their original birth certificate and adoption papers?

I believe that as adoptees we have the right to ALL of our original papers and info.

3)do you think that adoption fee's should vary depending on race of the child?

I think adoption fees should be set no matter the age, race or s*x of the child

4) do you think surrendering parents on average are making informed decisions to surrender their children to adoption

Sadly no I do not think that all surendering parents make informed decisions. I think too many of them are talked into giving up their cihldren by someone else.  I think there should be some sort of mandatory information given to parents who give up their children and time to think over the decision

5)do you believe that trauma happens to children just from losing their biological parents?

I believe, from my own experience, that when I child learns that they were given up, they feel alot of negative feelings, including loss, and rejection

6)do you think adoption is a way to provide families with children? or provide children with families?

Both. I think thee are alot of couples who cannot have childen who adopt to build their family and alot of children who need families which they get thru adoption

7)do you think that unregulated adoption agencies in the United States is acceptable?

No I think adoption should have regulations and rules that are stricly followed.

8)do you think that lawyers/dr's/agencies profiting off of adoptions is acceptable?

I think lawyers are in business to make money, but I think it is wrong for them to make excessive fees off of adoption.  I am in the process of adopting my stepdaughter and the lawyer only charged the basic fee for any uncontested matter, plus court filing fee.

Answer 14

1)changing the name of a newly adopted infant/child is acceptable? ethical?

Acceptable yes, ethical, I am not sure. It is the new parents child and all new parents want to name their children.However, if a natural mother requests that they keep the name given, they should respect that. Not all first moms name their babies..In the case of an older child, then no.

2)do you support the denial of adoptees access to their original birth certificate and adoption papers?

Absolutely not!

3)do you think that adoption fee's should vary depending on race of the child?

Absolutely not!

4) do you think surrendering parents on average are making informed decisions to surrender their children to adoption

I can only go on the experience I have had with the 2 first mothers in our family, and yes, they were.

5)do you believe that trauma happens to children just from losing their biological parents?

Not always

6)do you think adoption is a way to provide families with children? or provide children with families?

Both

7)do you think that unregulated adoption agencies in the United States is acceptable?

No

8)do you think that lawyers/dr's/agencies profiting off of adoptions is acceptable?

No

Answer 15

1, if the child is old enough to know their name then I think they should keep that name. In a newborn, I think the ap should be able to give the child a name.

2. Before I came to this site, i never thought much about my bdaughter's birth certificate. I didn't want to be found and knowing my daughter could find me with her bc, to be honest would have scared the c**p out of me. Since I've reunited and been to this site, my views have changed.

3. I think there should be a cap on adoption fees and it shouldn't make any difference what race the child is. That's  obscene.

4. I think that girls now adays are better educated on how to avoid pregnancy, something I wasn't. No s*x ed in school and absolutely no s*x ed from my mom. I think girls/women have more options these days. More places to look for help, I could be wrong.

5. I wish I knew, it certainly makes me feel guilty thinking that my daughter might have known what I did at birth to her. I thought it was a clean break, that is what i was told. I'm glad that places like this exist to educate us.

6. I think adoption is a way to provide a child with a family and I am thankful everyday that a family wanted my baby, even with leg braces. We had no idea that there was anything wrong with our baby, until she told us at age 30.

7. I think that adoption agency's should be regulated.

8. I think if you do a job, you should get compensation. People don't work for free. It would be nice if they weren't greedy though. That's where the regulation comes in.

Answer 16

1. For an infant that was not given a name by it's parents I would consider acceptable and ethical.  For a child older than 2 no, unless there were circumstances.

2.  As I have said before I completely support adoptees access to all of their un altered vital records.

3. No, all children are deserving of a home and family equally and none should be "discounted"

4. On average yes.

5.  Not sure that I believe it happens to all children adopted, I believe that some adoptees believe they have suffered a loss and that's good enough for me.

6. It should be the latter, however, it can be both if profit is taken out of the equation.

7.  No

8.  No -- I would prefer to use that money to raise my child.

Answer 17

Sure!  (Thanks for asking!)

1)changing the name of a newly adopted infant/child is acceptable? YES ethical?  YES, unless the child is older than say a toddler who may have an opinion about it.



2)do you support the denial of adoptees access to their original birth certificate and adoption papers?  NO- any and everyone should be able to obtain anything about themselves that is out there.

3)do you think that adoption fee's should vary depending on race of the child? HECK NO

4) do you think surrendering parents on average are making informed decisions to surrender their children to adoption

INFORMED- yes, but coerced YES to that too.  Everyone knows what adoption is this day and age...  but not everyone knows how to handle an extreme situation like how they can parent a child, or how they can afford to do it...  or WHERE to find the help they may need to parent their child.

5)do you believe that trauma happens to children just from losing their biological parents? YES

6)do you think adoption is a way to provide families with children? YES or provide children with families?  YES

7)do you think that unregulated adoption agencies in the United States is acceptable?  NO they should all be regulated- or overseen by someone other than the those that can profit from adoptions

8)do you think that lawyers/dr's/agencies profiting off of adoptions is acceptable? YES- to an extent- they do provide a service...  but they should not get money strictly to find a baby for someone.

Answer 18

1)changing the name of a newly adopted infant/child is acceptable? ethical?  

**Yes, but it's also nice to incorporate their previous name in some way if desirable

2)do you support the denial of adoptees access to their original birth certificate and adoption papers?

**No, I think they should have access to them

3)do you think that adoption fee's should vary depending on race of the child?

**Maybe...healthy Caucasian children are hard to come by.  Maybe by offering a financial incentive, families would consider adopting children of other races who are just as needy and lovable.  It's a thought.

4) do you think surrendering parents on average are making informed decisions to surrender their children to adoption

**Not really...most are responding to a crisis and are just trying to get through it the best way they can

5)do you believe that trauma happens to children just from losing their biological parents?

**Not unless they're old enough to know what's happening

6)do you think adoption is a way to provide families with children? or provide children with families?

**Both.  It doesn't have to be mutually exclusive.

7)do you think that unregulated adoption agencies in the United States is acceptable?

**NO!  I think that all adoption agencies should be regulated.  Without rules you open the door to all kinds of unethical issues

8)do you think that lawyers/dr's/agencies profiting off of adoptions is acceptable?

**NO.  I think that anyone profiting from adoptions is horrible, really.  These children are not FOR SALE they need a loving, stable home with parents who love them.  Unfortunately, adoptions do require a lot of work from trained social workers, doctors, etc. who need to get paid, but beyond that, making money off placing children is reprehensible.

Answer 19

Since all adoption circumstances are different I can only answer my beliefs based on our adoption experience.

1) Depends. But in our case the bio mom and I agreed on our daughters first and middle name.

2) I do not support the denial of access of adoptee records. Identity is a basic human right.

3) Adoption fees should not vary depending on race.

4) In our case yes.

5) Definitely a loss happens. The degree of loss/trauma varies depending on the truth of the adoption circumstances and the connection with the bio family.

6) A way to provide children with families.

7) Not familiar with agencies. But unregulated agencies are not acceptable.

8) Reasonable fees to facilitate the adoption process are acceptable.

Answer 20

Unfortunately, what one feels they believe in and how they actually treat the situation when it occurs can be two totally different things.  I know, because that is what happened in our case.  Many times you don't know until you are faced with ALL of the facts on the situation.  Here's what I mean...

1) Changing the name - we battled with this decision we adopted our son at 6 months.  His name was "different' and we were afraid it would cause him trouble as he grew older (kids can be cruel).  Yet, we did decide to keep it and chose to nickname him if it became a major issue as he got older.  However, his middle name was one that we had difficulty with because it was tied to neglect and abuse he had received.  We chose to change his middle name at finalization (with the blessing of his bio-grandparents).  Some may consider that unethical, but it was for the child's sake.  

2) I support open records, however, I do worry about how it will affect children who were removed from the home due to abuse or neglect.  I worry about the child's safety even as an adult if they search for abusive bio parents.

3) I do not feel fees should vary depending on the race of a child, but can understand that there may be additional expenses if travel, etc., is involved due to another country being involved.

4) I do believe that many parents who make an adoption plan for their child make informed decisions.  But I also know that there are parents out there who are coerced into relinquishment.  

5) I struggle with the trauma issue.  I think for some, the trauma of loss can be difficult.  However, I also think that in some cases, the loss can be a welcomed change also.  In instances of neglect or abuse, I think the child's relief and sense of security outweigh the loss that they may feel.

6) I think the answer is both - but do feel that it should be all about the child and what is in his/her best interest.

7) Unregulations adoption agencies ANYWHERE is NOT acceptable.

8) Profiting is a difficult question to answer also.  I think that some money has to be involved to insure that the child is placed in a safe & loving home.  I never realized that the agencies were "for profit" until I came here.  However, I can see the need to have some type of profit to continue the work that is being done.  I'm not sure that I agree with calling it "profit" but if they need to make money to continue offering services, I can see that being necessary.

Hope that helps to explain my views on some topics.

Answer 21

1. Probably should respect the first name, ESPECIALLY if the child already well knows the name (a talking age child that can say his/her name and respond to it)  But for brand new infants, to an extent, they are not their first-parent's child anymore, they are the new family's child.. to an extent parents have a right to name their own child.. to an extent..

2. NO

3. don't see why they should.. that sounds discriminatory

4. I'd like to think they are, I'm sure many are, but probably many aren't

5. Every child is different. I don't believe that every child feels the same things that others do.. it's impossible to give a definitive yes or no answer, because I have heard MANY adoptees say they have never felt taumatized, never felt a sense of loss, etc... but obviously, I've heard many that say they have!! (I basically agree with Sarah underneath me on this one)

6. It should be the latter.. But I don't think there's anything wrong with MATCHING UP a person who wants a family with a child that is out there already needing a home, or who's mother is convinced (despite all efforts to offer aid and inform her) that she cannot care for this child.. (I know I'm going to get crucified on this one) I know many here don't believe that these women exist, but they DO.. more than you think..

7. Absolutely not.. Every system needs regulation or corruption is sure to follow

8. Okay, read all the way through this one before getting out the cross and nails....everyone has to earn their bread. If a lawyer's JOB is to deal with adoptions, then that's how he makes his living.. He probably does not have time in his schedule to do this pro-bono and some other work that can support him.. Same with workers at adoption agencies.. so these people need to get paid SOMEHOW to do an honest days work (okay so make sure what they're doing is honest and ethical!!)... maybe it should be on the government payroll.. maybe lawyers aren't needed in adoption.. Not sure, but obviously these things should not be done for prophit.. Paramedics are there to help people, but they get paid for it!! They have to!! That's their bread and butter.. So..basically what I'm saying is that these people need to get paid to do their jobs. But that doesn't  mean they should be "profiting"   But they should be paid for honest services.. PLEASE try hard to understand what I am trying (not very successfully) to say, and not take it the wrong way..

Doctors.. I don't see what they should have to do with adoption.. They deliver the baby.. they provide medical services in the form of keeping everyone healthy..period.. they get paid for these medical services.. I don't see where/how they should have anything to do with adoption.. (I'm saying if they do, they shouldn't)

EDIT For #8.. Read Terry D's response to #8.. THAT'S what I was trying to say LOL... she said it better..

Answer 22

1)changing the name of a newly adopted infant/child is acceptable? ethical?  

No and no.

2)do you support the denial of adoptees access to their original birth certificate and adoption papers?

No.

3)do you think that adoption fee's should vary depending on race of the child?

No.

4) do you think surrendering parents on average are making informed decisions to surrender their children to adoption

No.

5)do you believe that trauma happens to children just from losing their biological parents?

Yes.

6)do you think adoption is a way to provide families with children? or provide children with families?

It used to be, and should still be, a way to provide children with families.  It has become, however, a way of providing families with children.  

7)do you think that unregulated adoption agencies in the United States is acceptable?

No.

8)do you think that lawyers/dr's/agencies profiting off of adoptions is acceptable?

No.

Answer 23

1.  Only if a newborn leaves the hospital with their adopted parents is acceptable and    ethical only if the natural parents haven’t named them.

2.  Definitely not!  Everyone deserves to know their correct information!

3.  No, adoption fees should not vary.  

4.  I only know one and she says she did.  Other than that I have no basis for an informed position.

5.  Yes I do believe trauma happens from losing biological parents.

6.  Both I think it is a symbiotic relationship.

7.  Absolutely not!  That is why change in the systems is so hard to effect.

8.  Same answer as #7… Absolutely not! That is why change in the system is so hard to effect.  It also answers #2 because these people are the reason that there is such resistance to open birth records.

Answer 24

1.  Well, I wanted the name our birthmom gave to our daughter..we both had chosen it independently of talking to one another.  She left choosing a middle name up to us.  I would like to see a combination of names used...one to represent the birth family and another to represent the adoptive family.  A blending of names would acknowledge the nature and the nurture parts of the child.  For an older child, it should be the child's choice.

2.  Adoptees should have access not only to paperwork, but I believe also the families that they are genetically connected with.  I think that if there was a connection, there may be less confusion and anger on the part of the adoptee.  Maybe in some cases, as in Sunny's it may be more so, as she has come to know that in her case she was placed because her biological granparents felt that their daughter needed to accomplish other things before she became a mom.

3.  NO!  NO!  NO!!!  You pay adoption fees (or so us AP's are told) for  the service, the race of the child should have absolutely nothing to do with it!

4.  I honestly don't know.  I know the agency we used provides counseling for the birthmoms, but I am not sure if that "counseling" included "coercion".

5.  Yes.  But I also believe that while that trauma will stay with you forever, you can move to  a place where you can have a happy life and maintain a positive outlook.  Adoption is not the only trauma out there and I am a big believer in not playing the victim card, but take your circumstances and make them work for you in a positive way.

6.  I think  it is both...you need to have adults that WANT to have families.  There are children that have the need because there are irresponsible adults.  Take away the irresponsible adults and you erase the need to for children to have an adoptive family.

7.  NO!

8.  NO!  If this is done for a profit, is the child's best interest really at heart?

Answer 25

1.  I think ADDING to the name is ok, but the original name should be left intact.  And if you're adopting a child who is old enough to know his/her name, but is too young to have input on a name change, then it should stay the same, at least until the child is old enough to have some input.  Remember River Phoenix?  All the kids in his family chose their own names.  I think that's mad cool.

2.  No.  I'm glad I live in Oregon, where I can get all that info before the adoption is final, and store it someplace safe for our kids.

3.  Well, that's a moot point for me, because I think people should ONLY adopt through foster care or from family members who are willing to relinquish (without any prompting).  I don't really think money should be involved.

4.  Hmmmm...that's a tough one.  I think that most do have information at their disposal.  How much information, what type of information, and how that information is skewed is debatable, and probably different for everyone.  In my family, I would have been encouraged to keep my child, no matter what my circumstances.  But others are encouraged to have an abortion or give the child up.  I think women who are dealing with crisis pregnancy are going to be surrounded by a lot of people with a lot of opinions, and no matter what, it's going to be hard to make a decision.

5.  Yes.  Absolutely.  Even if it's not something they recognize, or feel, or something they relate to current events in their lives, it's still there.

6.  I think you have to want to be a parent in order to adopt - and you have to want to parent an adopted child in order to be a GOOD AP.  But ultimately, it is about the child.  We want to give a home to a child who needs one, and we want to do what needs to be done for that child, WHATEVER that entails.  And we understand that our child won't exactly be OUR child.  Whatever child(ren) we bring home will already have their own personalities, and we're here to support and love them just as they are - not try to make them into Mini-Me's.

7.  No.  It's kind of like doctors.  The only "regulation" in the medical profession is by others in the medical profession.  They're self-regulated, make up their own rules, and guess what?  They kill people all the time, and there's massive corruption.  Having a completely UNregulated system is even worse.

8.  Well, lawyers are going to profit off of whatever they do, whether it be ambulance-chasing or reading wills.  As far as doctors and adoption agencies, absolutely not.  When I read the post about the adoption agencies and their tax stuff (I did look up my agency), I was piiiiiiiiiised!!!  I can understand these people making a living - I do the same thing.  I can even understand them making a comfortable living.  But $500,000 a year for taking babies away from one family and giving them to another???  Yeah, I'm sorry, but that IS wrong.  Who the h**l can justify that to me?  We could buy four homes in a year for that ridiculous sum!!!  Some people are out to make a buck no matter what.  I work for a for-profit agency at the moment, and it took me awhile to come to grips with it.  I've worked for other for-profit agencies, and just couldn't stomach the fact that they were more interested in the almighty dollar than in the human beings we were supposed to be helping.  I like the company I work for now because they DO care, and the almighty dollar takes a back seat to doing our jobs.

Sorry this is so long.  Have a great day!

Answer 26

1. no

2. no

3. no

4. there is definitely manipulation and coercion that take place...but not all the time. Many make fully informed decisions,...that does not mean they don't experience pain though.  would be very interested to see any studies on this.

5. Not trauma.  Loss in every case, yes.  But a wide range of responses to this  loss.

6. both in reality

7. no

8. no.



great question.   interesting answers.