I'm filing for divorce at my husband's request,& I'm worried about what'll happen. Anyone have experienc,info?

Question

My husband's alcoholism has gone from bad to worse, causing constant fighting and arguing. He told me to file for divorce, which was not what I really wanted.

We are still in the same house. It is in my name alone, bought before the marriage, and he signed a quit claim leaving it as my sole and separate property when I refinanced.

I have been responsible for the mortgage payment and most bills. I have used 100% of my net pay on taking care of the bills (over $5000 a month). He would put in about $300 a week for groceries, outings, and gas, when he felt like it.

I am being nice by not getting a restraining order. He is very abusive, and there are about 10 incident reports with the sheriff's dept. I don't want to force him out, evict him, or anything like that. But my daughter and I can't even live in peace because he comes to her room to harrass me every single evening (I stay in her room since we only have 2 bedrooms)

Here are the main financial details. I refinanced when prices were high. The value has dropped about 150K from 360K to 210K, and I owe 219K, so there's no equity in the house whatsoever. There are also loans, credit cards, and car payments. The credit cards are all in my name because of his bad credit, but he has used them and accrued thousands in debt, which he has never tried to pay. The debt is about 110K. I am currently able to pay all of the bills, and with some adjustments, probably do so even without any of his income, since he gave me so little.

To me it seems like if he went after the house (my sole and separate property), we would both owe about 110K to pay off the mortgage and another 50K to pay the bills.

To me it just seems like leaving my house to me and letting me assume all the debts makes more sense. He can easily live off his income in an apartment, and have money left over. But he says he will get alimony because he is used to vacations, Lakers games, and other things.

He says his parents are hiring a lawyer because he is getting half the house (that has no equity), alimony because he is used to a certain lifestyle (even though 2 years of our 6 year marriage were spent in prison), and he is going to make sure that my daughter and I have no where to go.

What could a lawyer possibly do to benefit him in this situation? There is no equity and no money, but there is over 100k in debt. He is making so many threats that I feel like I will be on the streets.

Why would a lawyer want a case like this?

If you have any experience with this or know anything about this from a legal standpoint, please please share your infomation with me. I will greatly appreciate it.

Answer 1

Get him out of the house and call the cops if he even calls you...time to kick butt and get on with a life your kid can respect.....good greif.......get rid of the trash........no judge is going to let him have allimony either....he can work!

Answer 2

You get a lawyer! Explain everything... the past is on your side. No judge or jury is going to give him anything with a track record like you're describing.

Stick to your guns, keep your chin up, and have faith that everything will work out perfectly.

My heart goes out to you... and I'll keep you in my prayers.

But, really go get a lawyer.

Answer 3

I feel very sorry for you;  you are in a bad position.  Many people have given you some great encouragement and advice.  Unfortunately, the only way for you to get solid and reliable advice (based on experience or research) is if you tell us what State or Country you're in.

In Canada (Ontario at least) a lot of the following advice is incorrect.  Despite the fact that you bought the house prior to the marriage it is still considered the matrimonial home and therefore shared property.  We don't have quit claim's up here so I'm not sure if he has claim to the house or not.  

Any debt accumulated during the course of the marriage would be split between the two of you (either in half or by percentage of income).  

He would be entitled to spousal support, however it would be deducted off of whatever he owes you in child support.

Since his name is not on the deed, I would change the locks and get a restraining order...

Best of luck!

Answer 4

Okay - this is now the time that you start fighting back.

When he starts harassing you and your child (with is nonsense that you should NOT tolerate) call the police and have the idiot removed.

Hire a lawyer. I doubt he will get half of your home if you can prove that you owned it before hand and that he signed the quit claim.

Gather up all of your documents and continue to file reports until he is gone from YOUR home.

Remember - Document everything - and be tough.

Good luck.

Answer 5

By your husband threatening to take the house, he is just giving you more mental abuse. My ex was a alcoholic, druggie, and gambler. You need to get him out of the house, now. It is your property. He signed the quit claim form. Get a lawyer. It is the best way of protecting yourself and your daughter. You are not doing her any favors by keeping him around and exposing her to all of his c**p. My husband always made it seem like I could not survive without him. I divorced him while he was in jail. He was mentally and physically abusive. If he leaves the house you can sue for desertion. Get him out.

Answer 6

I had a similar situation with my divorce. However, the details vary in that the house was in both names and the credit card and loan debt was his. (I did owe roughly $10,000 in medical bills.) Anyway, I ended up leaving the house with my daughter taking only our clothes and what little belongings were mine previous to the marriage, getting the crappy old car, and on top of assuming all of my medical bills-paying him and additional $5,000 towards the other debts that were not mine. I don't know how he did it or why he did it for that matter. After living w/ my parents (embarrassing to admit!!) and having no extra money for over a year, I managed to get everything paid off so I could afford to live again. Unfortunately the equal division of assets and liabilities did not apply in this case. And for the most part, I didn't care. I wanted out of the marriage. I had hoped to not be destitute while that happened though.

Answer 7

First off this guy is a LOSER and a possible psychopath.  I'm leaving the address of a website that might be helpful to you.  He doesn't have a legal leg to stand on.  YOU do.  It's called CHILD SUPPORT and that will cost him at least $300 a month.  Get your own /attorney.  But in the meantime- ignore his threats about alimony.  FILE  that divorce and a PROTECTIVE ORDER which will get him out of the house and away from you and your daughter until a court hearing.  You want to be the Plaintiff in this action- not the defendant.  If you can't.  Get the police reports from the sheriffs and they will also have an advocate help you get that protective order.

Answer 8

You need to contact a divorce attorney NOW and get all your ducks in a row, your husband is not only abusive and nasty he is evil as are his parents. You're worried about him to the point of living in fear and tress and subjecting your daughter to no privacy and regular fights between her parents and he is threatening you with non place to go and his own child too? You need counseling as well to find out why you put up with this abuse and why you subject your daughter to living like this. You need to kick his a$$ out NOW and get an attorney and make sure he gets ZERO he is entitled to ZERO from his abuse his nastiness and the fact that he requested the divorce. He is NOT entitled to ONE DIME from you, s***w his Lakers games vacations whatever he is "used" to he will have to get off his fat drunken a$$ and go to work full time and pay his own way.

You've been protecting him and putting up with him long enough, now you need to focus your attention on yourself and your daughter and get that loser OUT!

Answer 9

the fact is that he is bluffing to keep you under his thumb and afraid to leave.  Call his bluff and hire an attorney.  

Answer 10

Oh my god... sounds like my father. Your ex is making threats to scare you into not taking action. Do what you have to do to get away from him. Get him out of your house. Call the cops, get a restraining order. Don't let him back in. Get a lawyer. Do not accept his calls. Anything he has to say should go through your lawyer. Make sure that the restraining order has your daughter's name on it also. I can guarantee he will try to take her and leave her at his parent's house just so that you don't have her. He sounds like a vindictive dude... Take your valuables to the bank, open a safety deposit box. Do not deposit anymore money into any joint accounts. Open an account solely for yourself. Save. Don't keep money in the house, don't give him any.  

Answer 11

You need to get in touch with a lawyer and start getting this all figured out. This isn't a good environment for your daughter and you need to get him out of your house and file a restraining order to keep him away. You can also go to a bankruptcy lawyer and get the house and bills that are owed to be reduced so that you and your child have some help in not losing anything. This is something you should do RIGHT AWAY-