I'm finally getting a new roommie, i don't want this to happen again. Advices?

Question

Ok now i'll have to move in with this friend of mine. There's no other choice. She has a boyfriend so she'll be staying out most of the day. But then she's messy, really messy. Her current room is such a mess. And then she wants a tv in the room which i think she'll watch with high volume when i'll be sleeping, i'll ask her to turn down the volume though.well that's not a great deal.Most of all i'll be lonely again. And i don't wanna end up fighting as i always do. Any suggestions for how to adjust.

Answer 1

If you're getting a new roommate, worry about it when your roommate gets there. If you welcome her without preset worries, things will get better.

However, if she's obnoxious about her manners, ask her to change whatever needs to be changed, and if she doesn't listen, TELL her that she needs to change. If something still isn't done, talk to the manager of the dorms/apartments or whatever, and you can get a roommate that hopefully has better manners.

"Any suggestions for how to adjust." If it's obviously a big inconvinience to you, don't "adjust," take control of the situation and change it. If she blasts TV while you're sleeping, get a radio and blast music (even if you don't like it). When she tells you to turn it down, do so IF she agrees to turn down the TV to a reasonable level. If she doesn't listen, just blast your radio and don't listen to her when she says turn it down. If she's messy, take all her mess that's bothering you and throw it all on her bed. If you're lonely, get some of your friends and invite them in your room when your roomie is out.

If things get physical, just walk out the door and file a complaint to the manager.

Answer 2

I had the same problem, and don't let anyone try to make you feel "whiny" for your preferences in living. It's no one's place to judge as we don't know you, your experiences, or your current situation.

With that said...

Talk to her upfront. You two are stuck living together so you both need to compromise. Explain to her what your normal hours are, find out her schedule, and maybe buy her a pair of good quality headphones with a long cord so she can watch TV as loud as she wants at night without bothering you. My room mate and I did that for 3 years and we never had issues with noise at bedtime. Just be persistent about it. If you're headed to bed, politely ask her to put the headphones on, and be sure to extend the same courtesy if you watch TV while she's sleeping. As for her mess, if it's only her side of the room there's not much you can do. Believe me I've lived with some real pigs and there's no changing them. As long as she keeps her mess on her side of the room, and there's nothing that would affect you both like food being left out to spoil (...again more bad room mate experiences =\), let her do her own thing. Who knows, living with a neat person may make her clean up her act a bit. I know room mates suck bigtime, but go in with a neutral attitude and be willing to lay down some rules as room mates and compromise.

Answer 3

Find someplace else to live.  You already have the red flags and warning signs.  If you do go through with it knowing all this...then you have no one to blame but yourself when it goes wrong.

Answer 4

You both need to discuss realistic ground rules. If you are both ok with abiding by them to respect the other persons boundaries then you are set. If there is something that  you can't agree on and it is just a deal breaker item, then you need to reconsider moving in with her. Here are a few ideas to consider when you talk to her about the ground rules.

1. No TV, loud music, visitors or phone calls after midnight. The only exceptions being a holiday, special occasion, or emergency.

2. Each persons own bedroom is their business when it comes to cleanliness. If she doesn't care to clean her bedroom then she needs to at least keep her door closed.

3. A shared room like a kitchen, living room or bathroom will require constant attention. Each person using these rooms will have to be conscious of their own mess. Not expecting one person to clean up messes all the time. Resposibility will be shared; i.e. cleaning the kitchen, doing dishes, taking trash out, cleaning the bathroom, replacing the toilet paper, vaccuming and so on.

4. Adjusting to a new home and new roommates can be difficult. Ask if you can hang with her until you get your own friends and then let her know you will be available for her anytime as well. Being friends with a roommate is half the battle.

Answer 5

try talking to her first and get some things that you and her can both agree with. and be friendly

Answer 6

you two could make up a chore chart and try to stick to that.  As far as the tv, if you haven't gotten one you could get one with an earphone or some sort of attachment, or set it to closed captioning at night.

Answer 7

Live by yourself from now on. Your roommates are not the problem. You are. You're dramatic, pessimistic, whiny, and spoiled. And those are just qualities that immediately pop out from briefly perusing your previous questions. You want to adjust? Learn to be nicer to people and treat them the way you expect yourself to be treated: like royalty.

Answer 8

Obviously you have had "issues" with others and are projecting, rightfully or not, that this will happen again.  Some people are just not meant to live well with others, I would suggest to you, that you may be better suited to living alone and being "lonely" than to have room mates with lives who do things that most people do.  If noise is an issue, have the discussion up front.  Saying you are a light sleeper, or need to be asleep by 9 pm should set the stage for a clear understanding such as "Listen Suzy, I just want to make sure we don't have any problems in the future, but I am a stickler for a clean house, your room may be as you like, but our shared living quarters MUST be clean and I am a light sleeper, so I don't want company after 9 pm or loud tv or stereo after 9 either.  Do you have any problem with us drawing up some rules  and a chore chart we can both agree to and write them down and sign them together?"  If not, plan on passing on that for a room mate, or live alone till you find someone suitable.  I have many many room mates over the years and I have found most misunderstanding happen as a direct result of poor communication, usually, right from the beginning.  After having gone a few rounds with ones I found quite objectionable, I made a RULES LIST and a CHORE CHART and each incoming room mate had to sign and date it as part of the application process, BEFORE I agreed to take them on.  If they objected, they needn't stay there with me, no problem, but if they were to be considered, they had to sign and date it and agree UPFRONT to that.  Initially, I had a few, that weren't interested in signing, but as I got better explaining things BEFORE they were invited to the house, it got better.  I found having several room mates required all of us be somewhat agreeable and understand this ship didn't run on its own, it needed help.  We have a large 4 bedroom home in Florida across from the canal launch for boats, very convienint in a nice neighborhood, with room to entertain and a large patio.  I couldn't be responsible for all the food in the pantry, we assigned each room mate a shelf, anyone caught using someone elses stuff WITHOUT permission, was docked twice what the item sold for if not replaced before the room mate needed it, this stopped a lot of the pantry raids we had experienced.  We had a 3 strikes rule, if you played music too loud when someone was trying to sleep, or your tv was waking the dead, you simply lost cable privilage in your room (I had control of all cable connections and knew where the electric shut off was).  Your room would go dark and your tv would mysteriously stop.  LOL!  We rarely had to go to second warning.  But all of agreed to the rules, some even would suggest new ones, all of us wanted an orderly existance, not an ANIMAL HOUSE, we all liked having company at reasonable hours, we all had good jobs and we even got to a point to have a maid come in once a week to do dirty work with one bunch of Kennedy Space Center employees with more money than time.  Believe me when I say, we really didn't need her that much, but it saved wear and tear on us who had little time when doing overtime at the Cape, to keep up with the daily chores of mopping, cleaning the bathroom, a wipe down of the kitchen, and washing windows.  I loved the extra help too!  So make it plain, clear and simple and WRITE IT DOWN and both sign it.  If she is unwilling to agree to it, you know you will have problems and can either start looking for another flat mate, or simply look to live on your own until finding others in agreement out there.  I know there are lots of people who like to live nice, orderly lives, who do not want to have filth in their rooms, and aren't pigs about their tv's.  Hope this helps you!  Good luck!