I'm frustrated with DS again!?

Question

I've written several question in the past about my son all related to one issue- his preschool performance. So here I am again...

His teacher has spoken with me several times about him not doing his work, not participating in class activities, not playing with the kids, etc. She says he will just stand there until someone tells him to do a task and then he will do *just* what was asked of him and go back to standing off by himself. He won't talk with anyone or do anything without specific personal instructions. Art project must be done in a step-by-step approach with him. He won't even do repetitive things like hanging his coat up w/out waiting for the teacher to notice him and tell him what to do. Today, the teacher told me for the 2nd time that I should consider holding him back for lack of social skills.

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Answer 1

I would follow your own instincts about your son. You could also check with his doctor about his teacher's concerns regarding his development and his behaviors in class. You could also request assistance from your local school system in evaluating your son. They should have a number for early childhood intervention. Getting more experts involved would certainly be helpful. You might find more support for what your instincts are telling you already.

Answer 2

Could it be a problem with theschool or the class itself. You say he does most things quite readily when not in school.

Could it possibly be that at some point he was told that at school he must only do what he is told or words to that effect. If so that is what he is doing. He may not like the class.

Talk to other people who know him well and see what they think of his social skills. You could also try some sort of extra curricular activity where he is also not with you. This could help you to see whether it is the class that is the problem or that he is away from you which is the problem.

If being away from you is part of the problem you may want to consider keeping him back. But see if you can get him in to another preschool or another class with a different teacher.

You could also try inviting some of the other preschool children to your house to play and see what he's like with them in his own environment.

Answer 3

I would say you shouldn't hold him back. Before you let him go on to the next grade though, check with a docter because your child might have a mild form of autism. Don't take my word for it though; Im just a chick on a computer.

Answer 4

Will he have the same teacher/classroom as this year? In that case, what is holding him back going to accomplish. IF the teacher and environment are the same, and no new methods tried, then there won't be any magical "maturing" in one year.

Let him go to kindergarten and get a new teacher and a new environment and then see if he has the same difficulties. It very well could be a question of lack of social skills but he can learn social skills in kindergartne. In fact, there'll be other students who are behind in social skills.

Answer 5

The first thing you want to do is observe the classroom.  Realize your son will act differently if he knows you're observing, so if you do not have a 1 way mirror, this may be difficult to get a perfect understanding of what the teacher sees, but it will likely give you some sense of what is happening.

The more I work with children, the more I understand that one way to view children's behavior is partly through their personality types.  You may want to look at the Merrill-Reid personality styles (There is a lot of information online about it).  In this way of viewing personality styles, there are four different styles to look at :

Amiable - Place a high priority on friendships, cooperative behavior, and tend to get involved in conflict resolution/"calming the waters"

Driver - Know what they want, how to get there, and drive themselves (and everyone else) crazy trying to get there :)

Expressive - talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.  Social butterflies.

Analytical - think everything through.  They want to be 100% certain they are right.

It sounds like you have an analytical child.  Could there be other issues?  Yes....I can't even begin to guess without seeing the child.  It just sounds like, from what you're saying, if there are no other issues, he is just extremely analytical.   This brings me to my concern...

My concern is how much the teacher is giving into the direction giving.  When you observe the class and notice he is pondering what to do, pay more attention to the teacher's reaction to it.  Is she stepping in and telling him what to do or is she letting him decide on his own?  It's OK if he just glues one or two things onto his art project.  That was his choice.  If he wants to glue more next time, he'll have to make the choice to glue more, regardless if he knows exactly what to do.  If he wants to stand off by himself, that's fine.  Let him stand by himself.  Actually, I prefer the method of letting them sit by themselves and tell the child he can observe the other children working.  When he feels ready, he may choose a work as well.  A lot can be learned through observation and I'm curious if the teacher realizes this.

With the lack of social skills, that's hard to comment on without seeing it.  There may be a different behavior dynamic at the school than what you see at home or other situations.  That's very common.  Realize that they are giving you a perspective from just one slice of your son's life.  They're trying to give the best perspective they can give, but you ultimately have to decide if their observation will carry over into 1st grade or not.  So take what they say seriously, but don't let it be the final word.

Matt

Answer 6

This is hard to answer without knowing your son.  I would say that you know your son the best.  Can you observe in the classroom?  Ideally, can you observe without your son noticing so you can witness yourself your son's teacher's concerns? I don't want to write off the teacher's concerns - their experience knows what he will be up against including his peers.   Socialization is so important to kindergarten success.   A lot of parents are waiting to send their children to kindergarten -I have one this year who turned 6 in January and he's doing just fine and is definitely ready to send on.  I'm just telling you that story so you can gauge what ages your child will be in class with.  Maybe another year to develop more acceptable social skills would be worth it.  Follow your heart and you can't do wrong by your son.

Answer 7

I don't know about holding him back... it sounds to me like that preschool isn't a good place for him.  I wouldn't hold him back if it means that he'll stay in the same preschool, perhaps if he can go to a different one... something about this one doesn't seem to suit him.

Answer 8

i wouldnt hold him back but check with a mental health pro. to make sure he dosnt have any mental issues. he might just be shy or just wants attention from his peers and his teacher. i remember i used to do it all the time and so does my lil cousin brooke its all for attention they want to be noticed and praised for what they did when the teacher is looking... if you have anymore questions just im me on yahoo messanger my sn is on my profile