I'm g*y and I have a boyfriend?

Question

So I'm 14 and have this boyfriend who is also 14 and I really like him... But my parents don't know I'm have a boyfriend and that I'm g*y whenever he comes over to my house, my parents just think he is a friend of mine... But when go into my room and do homework together, we just stop for a few minutes and who look at each other and we kiss and when we go walk around our neighborhood and we go to the park nearby or the local and we share a drink...The thing is that I'm a muslim... Having a girlfriend... a BIG NO NO... It's considered adultery in islam... so If I have a boyfriend... That's even worse... only me and my boyfriend's friends know were going out... I really like him but I feel bad doing all this since I'm not supposed to and when my parents tell me to get married someday, I dont know what I'll say... What do I do???? My parents really hate g*y people and once our family was with one my friend's family and we saw a g*y pride flag on a hotel and my mom said thats stupid and it's pointless about what gap poeple do.. Oh and weve been going out for 5 months...

Answer 1

hey i have had the same problem. im bi and well i didnt wanna tell my parents cause my parents were totally against g**s and well of coarse i was afraid to tell them cause i thought they would disown me or something. and well i had planned to tell them when i was ready on what i was going to choose. and of coarse i told every one else but them. well bad mistake cause well my aunt comes along and they were both on the  phone(drunk) and well my mom was saying that she hated g**s and was against it then my aunt tells her i was bi. after that day my mom has never liked the idea but she is trying to accept  it but no matter what she said she would still love me. and as for my dad she told him while i left to Colorado and well he took it easier than my mom did. like  my mom did he might not approve of it as much but he still loves me and will never think any different. Well out of this whole story i have told you what im trying to say is even if your parents dont.......      

Answer 2

Oh, man. That's hard. You're only 14? Wow.

Well, to start off, I know many parents like yours. I have quite a few friends who are muslim and I can tell you that I don't know any of their parents who are liberal. It's very hard coming from a place where religion is extremely strict to find a person who is accepting of g**s. So, from my experience, I don't think it would be wise to tell them that you're g*y at the moment. Also, to tell them that you already have a boyfriend would make the situation even worse, because then if your parents are serious about 'fixing' your homosexuality, then they can go to your boyfriend's parents and spill the beans, and if your boyfriend hasn't come out yet, that could be extremely problematic and prematurely cause the end of the relationship and everything like that.

I really don't see a good way out of this situation.

Unless of course, your parents are more accepting than the parents I know. But I don't think so. However, I don't know. I'm not in your family.

Anyway, I would recommend holding off on telling your parents anything until you get older. Maybe when you graduate high school, or after college and start living on your own that would be the best time to tell them. Because frankly, at this point in your life, your parents can make your life a living h**l because of these issues. From now until when you finally decide to come out, you should just tell your parents that you are not attracted to anybody special and they shouldn't inquire more into the situation.

That's just my take on it.

Good luck.  

Answer 3

Well, you're really lucky to have a boyfriend at your age.

Just don't tell your family until you're at least 18.  Until then, good luck.

And to Jake, stop being an ignorant fool.

Answer 4

I know that religion can be a total BEEOTCH when it comes to many things.  Especially things like this.  If you look at the situation from a point of view where religion is not an issue, how would things be different?

Bottom line...you have to live with yourself, and your feelings.  Even if you deny the fact that you're g*y, and live your life in the closet, you're still gonna be g*y.  My parents haven't spoken to me since I came out 5 years ago.  My family is hardcore mormon.

Be true to you, and keep the faith.

Answer 5

If your parents have a... less than favorable view on homosexuality, I would suggest waiting a few years to tell them. Wait until you're sixteen, get a job, then tell them at some point after that, so that you can always leave if things get ugly. They can't scare you with the choice of putting you out on the streets or succumbing to their demands when you have some money and a job, which means they'd be more likely to accept your ways.

Answer 6

Don't do anything until your older. Now just keep your cool. Time will take care of a lot of things.  

Answer 7

Well I hate to tell you this, but you parents seem to be really set in their ways and probably aren't going to change their views any time soon. But you should just tell them so you don't have to keep pretending anymore. Just tell them how you can't help how you feel inside and that you don't think it's right how people should be put down just because they're homosexual. If they just refuse to accept it, don't give up. I'm sure your parents will love you no matter what and they'll lighten up a little once they realize how serious you are about sticking to how you feel no matter what they say. And besides, by the time you're eighteen your parents really have no say over what you do because you're considered a legal adult. You can be whatever religion you  choose and date whomever you choose. Good luck and I erally hope everything works out!

Answer 8

ive been with my girlfriend for ten months & at first our parents didnt know & we were doing the same thing,, its probably a lot more complex in your situation sense your a muslim. but you shouldnt regret anything if you dont think theres anything wrong with it. her parents dont like that we're together & dont want us to be together but ultimately its your decision. theres always going to be people that disagree with what you do. you just have to do what you want to do & what you think is right.  

Answer 9

Sounds like my parents except I'm Christian and you can have a boyfriend just women aren't supposed to have girlfriends which Ive screwed up on you can tell your parents after you are out of their house and stable. I suggest calling the lgbt hotline they help alot

http://www.glnh.org/index2.html

Answer 10

Some parents just can't handle it. It would be nice if getting up the courage to tell them was all you had to do and they would just accept and love you. But...

Its a tough situation. I'm hesitant to advise you to tell them. I hate to advocate dishonesty, but if I were you I think I would continue to hide it, at least until you can support yourself. I used to volunteer for a non-profit that helps g*y teens after they've been thrown out on the street. Most didn't see it coming and there were some terrible stories, beatings, resorting to prostitution, and worse. You just never know.

I was 20 when I told my folks. I actually waited so long just because I couldn't get up the courage, I thought they'd be fine with it. I imagined going to each in turn, confiding honestly in them and they would of course, say: "we love you, you're our daughter, nothing could change that. We're proud that you told us".

It didn't happen that way. My relationship with my mother never recovered. She told me she hated me, that I should never tell the rest of the family because she couldn't deal with the shame. We haven't spoken in years. My father and I still speak, but we're not close. He called my marriage to my partner a "sham" and said that I should never speak of it or my partner to him again. I haven't. I'm careful not to mention her name or anything remotely related to my sexuality and that seems to work alright.

Honestly, I wish they still didn't know. The secrets were killing me, but knowing I've lost at least one parent over it is a hurt that splits my  heart in two. I would just wait. I can't stress enough that you never know what could happen.

Answer 11

I really wouldn't tell them right now because of your faith. I'm sorry.

Answer 12

only tell ur parents when ur ready

Answer 13

wow thats a toughy.

but i think that u should just tell them now so u wont have to keep it from them for all these yrs.

it mite be hard for them to understand now but after they see how hapy u are with him they wont even care anymor hopefully...

and just kare about ur happinessss :)

good luck...

and yahhh im 14 also and its hard doing atuff around ur parents =P

Answer 14

Okay a few simple steps, it's religion that I see that is getting in your way.  How about just believing in God and cut some of your religion  if you can because religion is so going to bring you down sometimes.    Well your parents hate g*y people because they were raised on it and it's their religion that took many of their open mindedness beliefs away.  

I'd personally be scared to tell your parents anything.  If you tell them your g*y that is literally a slap to the face.  Well good luck with your parents.  At least when you are an adult.  You can move out and your parents can't do anything because you have freedom depending what country you live in of course.

Well I wish you luck.

Answer 15

You could stop being g*y,  get help?  

http://www.exodus-international.org/

Answer 16

I was coming from a Muslim family too. And I know that it is harder than being a christian to be g*y, because the punishment is death.

Personally, I don't think you should dating at all right now. You need to keep a distance and focus on your study. Until you are able to support by yourself, then you can go see him again.

But for now, sorry, there's no other way. Don't do it.

Answer 17

Wow Kid I feel sorry for you! I thought being roman catholic and young and bi-curious was bad but d**n you got me beat.

First off do you like girls at all? I just want you to make sure that this is not just some phase that you are going through. I am sure that you and he think it is love and maybe it is but I think for your sake I am going to say you have to be closeted.

I am wondering if there are any support g*y Muslim groups in your area that you can go find someone to talk to. I think that maybe you should even find some sort of adult outlet to talk to. Maybe a HS guidance counsilor, I hate to say this to you but this one is highly probably fact that your going to get caught one day! Hopefully later than sooner. Maybe even hide out in the closet until after college.

Follow your heart but your parents sound like they are "off the boat" rooted in there old school ways and might not adjust well to this part of American Society. (If this is where you are?)

Just be careful at your age and express yourself in a manner that keep you in everyones good graces. God Bless and good luck there mate.

PS - I hope that this last piece of advice can help you as it has helped me - I figured it out a little later than I would have like too but it still helps me with the safe and responsible choices I make today.

The Bible (same thing for the Koran) was written by man! And translated how many times over from another dialect that is not being used today. Our meanings are not the same as when they were written and what scares people most is what does not fit into their ideal world they might actually enjoy!

Examples from Christians that I know - Drinking not allowed! Dancing Not Allowed! They drink and they dance and they smile.

Perfect example of what i mean with translations is in Shakespeare's MacBeth

The witches tell Macbeth

"none of woman born shall harm Macbeth"

MacDuff once a friend and eventually killer of Macbeth tells Macbeth that "from his mother's womb untimely ripp'd" (i.e., born by Caesarean section)—and was therefore not "of woman born".

I really hope this can help you!

Answer 18

dont tell your parents until you are able to afford your own place and support yourself. What if you told your parents and and you saw a side of them that you never thought you'd see? such as fromloving you to hating you, and then they kick you out in the street? then what would you do. in nyc there are close to 9,000 HOMELESS g*y YOUTHS, who are living on the street. thats only nyc, not the state and not the country. just a city.

Answer 19

YA I THINK YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO TELL THEM SOONER OR LATER. YOU DONT HAVE TO TELL THEM NOW. YOUR STILL YOUNG. I DIDNT TELL MY MOM TILL I WAS 19. IT WILL HURT. IM CATHOLIC BUT IM NOT RELIGIOUS. I DONT REALLY KNOW HOW YOUR RELIGION WORKS BUT IM HERE IF YOU NEED TO TALK TO A FRIEND. IM 22 NOW AND IM HAPPY. I STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY BROTHER IN LAW THATS HOMOPHOBIC AND MY DAD. HE JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON AND DONT KNOW