I'm gettin a divorce and need advice on another guy..?

Question

Okay.. My husband and I are gettin a divorce which I'm sooo happy about! I'm soo over him now!! We have 3 kids together and he does and will not see them nor help support them in anyway.

He was cheating on me with this girl and now they are living together..

Well, I'm gettin him for full custody, alimony, child support, debts he caused, etc.

Okay.. Here is my question.. I have meet this guy and we are now dating.. My kids love him and he loves my kids. I'm only 22 and he is 21. It does not bother him a BIT that I have children and they are only 1, 2, and 3... He will play with them, change diapers, buys them things, cooks for them, etc. He kinda acts like a daddy to them but they dont call him daddy or anything like that..

Am I wrong for letting him get close to my kids since I am still going through the divorce??

Is it okay to let him stay the night??

Will it hurt my divorce if I let him come over and/or stay the night??

Am I wrong for anything I'm doing?????

Since I'm going for alimony I dont know if it will hurt my case or not!!

Someone please help me out!! I really like this guy.. He is everything I have been wanting in a guy.. He accepts my kids, caring, loveing, dont like to party, good job, all about family, makes me feel loved and safe, etc. Hes just great!!!!!!!

Answer 1

You have a lot of growing up to do!  You shouldn't let your kids meet someone until you are sure its serious.  There is no need to have "daddy wanna bes" stroll in and out of their lives.  It also wouldn't be very wise to have them see this guy sleeping at your house.  You need to start thinking about your kids and stop being so self absorbed

Answer 2

I think it was a bad choice to get so close to this guy while you are divorcing, it only complicates things more. Your children are going to get very close to this guy and if it doesn't work out in the end then they suffer. I would back off a little, not tell him goodbye but definitely no over nights and stuff like that. Remember, regardless of how happy you are to be divorcing, you are still married and the courts will see it that way too. Good luck and happy divorcing!!

Answer 3

You are playing a dangerous game. You have to strive to be your kids role model. Would you want one of your daughters to hook up with another guy regardless of a pending divorce until it was final. Due to the kids I would recommend keeping this other guy at a distance until at least your divorce is final.

Yes an overnight liaison can and would hurt you in court if your spouse can produce proof. Marriage is just not a license but an agreement that you would also be breaking.

I understand you may be lonely but you need to be focusing on a career and a way to take cars of your kids. You if awarded custody will be awarded child support. He could still win custody if he can prove that you are an unfit Mother, I won custody against my ex wife who had similar plans that you seem to have. However I was not cheating as you say your soon to be ex is.

I would not let the relationship go any farther for now. That is my opinion.

Answer 4

The kids are young enough that they probably won't know what's going on, but you should still be careful.  22 years old with a divorce under your belt, 3 young kids and obviously bitter is not a good catch.  To men, you're a prime victim.  

Answer 5

wrong wrong wrong. first slow down. you may be moving way too fast. if you want to be intimate get a babysitter and go to a hotel. Don't give your hubby any ammunition during the divorce proceedings. Also if your kids get attached to your new guy and things don't work out it will hurt them tremendously. take this relationship one day at a time

Answer 6

All I can say is good luck getting alimony if your letting another guy stay at your place...whether it's just spending the night or more..if your ex knows then guarantee that his attorney is going to twist that around...

Honestly you need to keep your relationship just between the two of you (no kids) until your divorce is final.....It almost always gets sticky when girlfriends/boyfriends are around during a divorce

Answer 7

My attorney told me not to let anyone spend the night until the divorce was final.

Answer 8

Are you worried about losing the alimony or having a good man in your life. We all make decisions, some good and some bad. If he's as good as you say he is, then go for it. Money is not that important when it comes to having someone good in your life. Sounds like you need to get off your butt and work for what you want and quit leeching off of your ex. Even though your getting a divorce, your still dependent on him anyways. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you going to divorce him, go ahead but asking for alimony is dumb and you'll look like a greedy money hungry ho who's out for revenge.

Answer 9

yes you are wrong, you should not date until the kids are much much older ( say about 18 )..

no it's not ok for him to stay the night....

no it does not affect you divorce when you let him sleep with you

yes you are wrong for all that you are doing.....

no it does not affect alimony, though you will not get as much as you think you will since i doubt you were married for any long length of time

it seems like you are selfish and self centered, it all about you and not you kids much less their respective welfare ( both financially and emotionally )

you got married at way to0 young an age, compounded that by having children at such a young age and then you wonder why you failed at it

the cycle will only repeat if you hook up again with another guy until you learn to stop being so selfish

Answer 10

It won't affect the child support but it will affect the alimony.  Alimony in some states will cut off if they find that someone is living with you and you are steady with them.  The alimony will definitely cut off when you re-marry.

Answer 11

truly sorry that your husband whom is become EX cheating on you, I understand it is not fair for you.

But you don't have to be a ***** and gold digger

As a father he much pay to support his children. and as a grown woman you should learn to work to support yourself and the children

As far as your boy friend bonding with the children is good. That will make you more of a fit mother and a secure home for your children.

Answer 12

Yes, no, yes, yes, it could hurt custody. My God, didn't your attorney tell you this stuff?? Wait until you're divorced. If your not yet ex wants to play hardball you could LOSE your kids.

Answer 13

I think you should have gotten to know this guy a little more before introducing your kids to him but now it is too late but I would not rush him in a situation like yours...take your time and get to know him. Wait until your ink dries on your divorce before moving another guy in his place.