I'm getting married next year, my sister is now going through a divorce at the same time.?

Question

We found out he has been cheating on her 2 days after we got engaged. I have been there for her through every step of the way. It has been 4 months since then. Instead of happiness of the engagement, we all went through a lot of tears. Now it's time for me to start some planning and I'm getting lots of opinions from her and my mom, "Now is not the time for you to look for a dress," "Your reception site is just okay," "That's a really weird idea for your guest book," etc. I'm feeling like I don't even want to plan this anymore. It is such bad timing. Any advice on how I can take opinions in stride, be there for my sister and sensitive to her needs, but remember MY excitement and happiness?

Answer 1

Yes, this is a difficult situation, and what I'm about to say might sound cold; BUT you have accepted a proposal of marriage from a man who loves you VERY much.  By saying "Yes", your loyalty is now to him.

Divorce is a VERY hurtful time, and I am so sorry that your sister is having to deal with this in her life.  But again, it is her life, not yours.  

So why don't you let Mom & Sis deal with all this for now & you go about doing what's best for  you & your fiance.  In their frame of mind nothing is going to sound good.  

That isn't to say that you can't listen to your sis when she needs to talk.   But no one should be robbed of the excitement & wonder of a wedding (if this is what they want).  If they ask, I would share, if you feel so inclined, but I wouldn't offer any information.

See if you can find someone else to share this most special time with; a friend, aunt, future MiL.

Answer 2

Wow.. I am sorry to hear about your sister situation.  It is really ashamed that relationship doesn't work out.  I am sure your sister appreciated you being with her threw her situation.  

You have your own life to life and must more foreward yourself.  Who know, this may make your relationship last longer.  You'll have the first hand experience of the "divorce " process.  I am sure it is going to be painful for your sister and you will want to avoid it with your future husband.

Congrad on your engagement and be thankful your sister have someone with her threw these terrible time.

Answer 3

I had a similar situation when planning my wedding.  When I first got engaged, my parents were considering separating and my mom was struggling with major alcohol problems.  Needless to say, they weren't particularly interested in helping with my wedding.  I felt like it was awful timing -- I wanted to be there for my family, but I also wanted to be able to enjoy my engagement and the whole wedding planning process.

My advice -- find a good friend to help you with the wedding planning details.  Take HER shopping for dresses; run your guestbook ideas by HER.  You'll still want to make sure your mom and sister don't feel left out, so definitely consult them on some things.  Maybe say something like, "I'm going with Sarah to look for a wedding dress this Saturday.  I understand if you guys don't want to come, but if you'd like to, I'd love to have you along!"

If you have a good friend to help you with 75% of the decisions and consult your family on about 25%, you'll still get to feel unbridled excitement during 75% of the wedding planning.

Congratulations and good luck!

Answer 4

Do the planning with someone else and during a time when your sister won't be present. Explain to your mom that while you are sympathetic, you don't need so much negativity.

Answer 5

I agree that this is a terrible time. I think you should find a close friend who you can talk things over with and can go with you to events. Also, enlist your fiancee. Guys can help plan things too.

Answer 6

Try to remember it's your time to shine! I know going through a divorce is very difficult. I have been divorced for 5 years now and it was the hardest thing I ever went through!!! But your sister has to understand and I think she does just be both supportive and get her into looking for dresses and ordering flowers! Something Anything to get her mind off off her problems   Please dont ever worry about others at this time. she had her day and it just didnt work out I hope she is not becoming neggitve it happens!!!!! Woman are stronger then they think sometimes.  Sister your better off finding out rather then 18 years later. Keep positve Have fun Enjoy life!!