I'm getting married soon... please help.?

Question

I'll put this simply, my fiance and I are pagan, my family is not and they think all forms of religion is wrong unless its christianity... (Please don't preach to me about this, I feel its overly ignorant on thier part)

That being said, my fiancee and I are getting married on Samhain (October 31st, 2008) Yes, in 14 weeks! We're not going to invite anyone as it is very personal to us ect...

My mother and father don't even know we're engaged...

In order to please the family, we're going to hold a "mock" wedding a while down the road... And play like its all real and what not.

What do you think?

Please dont preach.

Answer 1

A mock wedding is a bad idea. As for the private ceremony-what about all the relatives who know about the wedding? They apparently have no problem with the wedding, so they should be invited to it.

If I were you, I would tell my parents that it was my wedding and I will do what I want. If they want to come-great. If not, it's their loss, but at least they had a say in whether or not they were going

Answer 2

It sounds fine to me. I have pagan friends, and they seem to hold their marriages in more reverence than most Christians I know, so no judgement from me!

I'd say have the "formal" ceremony later, at a time of your choosing, perhaps on another high holy day.

Do it on Christmas Day. That was originally a pagan holiday anyway!

Answer 3

I won't preach at you about your beliefs, but I will say it reflects poorly on you to say that your family is ignorant for what they believe, but to repeatedly ask people not to judge yours.

As for the wedding, if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to tell your family what you want. Lying about it shows a severe lack of maturity and conviction in your beliefs.

Just how old are you anyway?

EDIT: My family, and I, are Protestant. I was dating my fiance' a year and five months when he proposed, and they didn't pitch a "hissy fit." You family very well might, as you know them best, but please refrain from making blanket statements about Christians when you have a very limited view and experience i.e. your family is not a representation of all Christians.

Again, if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to stand by your decision. If you could weather the storm that followed your coming out in regards to your beliefs, you should be able to tell them of your upcoming nuptials. They'll likely be upset to find out you waited until the last moment to tell them rather than the fact you have only been dating a year and a half.

Answer 4

Hi and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Well, you have a loaded question...."what do you think?" with a rebuttal of "don't preach."

I don't intend to preach.....you can do what you want.  My only concern is the "mock wedding."  It's really sad that you feel you need to do this as you will already be legally married in your private ceremony, so....why the charade?  I am NOT a fan of "do-over" weddings for any reason.  Your choice to be married in private, is your choice.  It's no one else's business.  If you feel that is what you need to do (mock wedding), then by all means go ahead.  However, WHOMEVER will be performing the "mock wedding" MUST be informed that you are already legally married.  There will be no marriage license to sign, etc. so that person needs to be clued in to your little secret.

Why not just be honest with your family and friends that you went off and had a private ceremony?  Then.....have a reception so that everyone can celebrate with you!

Answer 5

How about instead of a mock wedding, you tell your family you went to a justice of the peace and had a ceremony with just the two of you (because you couldn't wait, financial reasons, etc). You could still have a big 'reception' which would just be a celebration of marriage party. That might be a better option than faking a wedding you don't believe in. Good luck!

Answer 6

Don't have a mock wedding to please everyone else. Do what's important to you and if your families can't accept that, then too bad. :) Congratulations!

Answer 7

I wouldn't lie to your family.  I just don't think its something you want to have to keep up with for the rest of your life.  "We're going away this weekend for our 5th anniversary."  "WHAT?!  You got married in March, its October."  "Oh, yeah, em, I mean...."

I'd just be up front with it all.  If you don't want to invite them to the ceremony, its up to you if you want to just show up the next day and tell them you're married or go ahead and invite them to a post-reception.

I'm a Christian and regardless of whether or not I approved of my child's choices, I'd still love them and want to be included in them getting married.  They might surprise you.  If all you get is judgement and lectures, then at least you did the right thing by being honest.

Just my opinion.  Even lying to protect someone's feelings is wrong and leads to problems down the road.

Answer 8

Just have the wedding the way you want and have that be it. Period. No other fake wedding/reception.

Stay true to your beliefs. Don't cave.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Do your parents not know you are pagan?  I think that you should be honest with your parents.  If they find out later on that the wedding they attended was fake they will be hurt.  Tell them how you feel.  Maybe you could wed privately then have a small reception so your family could celebrate with you?

Answer 10

If that is what works for the two of you then that's what you should do. The day is supposed to be about both of you and what makes you happy. You are doing things to please yourself - not everyone else. Good for you...

Good luck and congrats!!

Answer 11

You do what you think you need to do. Personally, I’d refuse to play games and tell them about the first wedding and only have that one. I’m just not comfortable with lies surrounding something as important as a marriage.

My own wedding went against my parent’s religion. Never once did it cross my mind that I needed to play by someone else’s rules. We had the wedding we wanted, and my parents got over any issues they had when they saw that no one else cared about the way we choose to do things.

Answer 12

i say do what you got to do If you Love each other dont let anyone step in your way

Answer 13

So, I understand why you don't want to tell your parents (their disapproval of your religion and the time length of your relationship); however, to not tell them and to "fake" a wedding later is wrong. First of all, its deceitful and secondly, it's cowardly. No offense, but it sounds like you are a little too immature to be getting married if you are afraid to tell your parents.

As for not inviting anyone because "it is very personal to us", what do you think it is for your family? I don't have any kids (I'm only 22) but if my cousin or my sister didn't invite me to share in what is supposed to be the happiest day of their life, I would be a little bit devastated.

Maybe its because I'm not it your situation, but it seems like you are only thinking about what you want and what would be easiest for you. How do you think your family will feel when they find out that you got married and didn't tell them? Or how will they feel when they find out that you were lying to them? Think about other people! I know everyone wants to believe that a wedding is only about the two people getting married; but its not. It's about you and your family and friends. Think about how doing something this deceitful and mean will affect others.