I'm getting married tomorrow but i'm still unsure? help?

Question

I don't know if you guys read my last 2 questions but I'm getting married tomorrow, my rehearsal dinner is in 3 hour and i am having the worse cold feet or fear or doubts, i don't know what i'm feeling but I really feel like this is a mistake. I spoke to my mother and sister about a text message I got from my fiance phone which said he was suppose to run a train on some girl last night at his bachelor party. which he didn't go to because i was so upset.

he assured me he was not gonna do anything and I was crying he was crying. but i just feel like something is wrong. everything is paid for already. almost 60 thousnad dollars for the fairy tale wedding. What I want is for my marriage to work and i feel like its falling apart before it even starts. i want to know if i'm over reacting or is this a good reason to call things off. i don't want to hurt anyone. my sister says men talk like that but i just feel like he's cheating or has cheated. why would anyone want to sleep with someone else 2 nights before your wedding.

Answer 1

First, cold feet is normal. Being unsure is normal. Being a little afraid of a Life's change is normal.

Yes,men do talk like that...question is does the guy who text messaged your fiance talk like that ....all big talk and no action...does he have a signif other and has he ever cheated......as I answered before, examine the 'reputations' of the other guys in the group designated to attend the party...are they the type who would do this sort of thing.....have they fidelity issues with their relationships....how easily influenced is your fiance by them......

Were there any male relatives of yours in the guest list, those like a father or brother, or a cousin who would have your best interests at heart...or was the guest list just your guy and his 'buds'.......if so, then hanky-panky would be more likely to occur than if you had a male relative of yours in attendance.

Have you ever caught your guy in a major lie...I don't mean a little fib , I mean and out and outright lie....and how often if the answer is yes.....can you tell if he's lying?

What concerns me here is the fact the guy asked your fiance if your fiance still wanted to 'run the train' on this girl......why would he be asking if it's all big talk.....sounds like a discussion did occur....and why would it be worth a text message confirmation if it was indeed over shared lap-dances.....what's the big deal?

The other thing that concerns me here is your feeling that something is wrong.........a woman's intuition is not always right, but too many times people ignore 'gut' instincts.......and they should not be ignored.

What I would do is attend the rehearsal but tell your officiate that you really need to speak to them after the rehearsal is over.....then talk to them alone......they are a third party, Hon...they will look at the situation as a disinterested third party...how much money has been spent on this wedding they don't care....it won't influence them and their advice as it may influence others.....and if it turns out your concerns are still as strong as they seem to be, then at least see if the wedding can be postphoned.....

If you go thru with it I seriously advise professional couples counselling........there are def trust issues here and going thru with a wedding will not resolve them...this will always be eating at you...whether he is really telling you the truth or not.....good luck.

Answer 2

Trust your in stints if you feel something is wrong then you need to listen to your heart. Remember money can be replaced but you will have to live with the marriage the rest of you life.  

Answer 3

boys will be boys- they are mostly all talk!! trust me i know- i have 6 brothers (lol-lucky me!!)

don't stress about some stupid text message..it will cause unwanted feelings (like anger/resentment). be happy that your fiancee LOVES you so much that he didn't even go to his bachelor party. get married tomorrow and be a happy beautiful bride!

go to your rehearsal and smile..have a good time! come home and take a bath and light some candles and relax! maybe read a book, go for a walk... clear your head!! tomorrow you'll be a mrs =)

best wishes and lots of love

Answer 4

You are just overreacting because you are so nervous. If your man was so great that you are so close to marry him, there must be something very special between the two of you. Remember the reasons you wanted to marry him in the first place, the reasons you love him, and know that he loves you too. Relax, Have Fun, and Good Luck with your wedding! <3

Answer 5

If you want to remain with this man or not...this is something you would have probably known before now.

Is he honest with you about other things?

Why are you doubting him now?

Yes, men do talk like that...and men like to get each other in touble and sit back and laugh about it...so I would not take anyone at that party seriously.  If that is your only reason to doubt this man...what are you going to be doing when you are married 5 years, two kids at home and he is working late again?  

If you are about to marry someone, you better be able to trust them with your life.  s*x is a physical thing.  It comes and goes in fleeting moments.  There will come a time when one or the other won't be able to have s*x.  Your love and your marriage can not be based on this alone.  

Trust...that is something you either have or you don't.  If you don't....regardless of the amount of money that has been spent...don't get married.

Answer 6

I remember you!

Things wrong!!! are as follows:

1. You have doubts. A woman's intuition is amazing. It is practically magic. Women are mind readers. It is inborn because women are caretakers by instinct.

Thus follow your gut feelilng

2. You read on his cell phone a message that clearly says that he was going to run a train on a girl. DO NOT LIE TO YOURSELF. We both know what that means. It is not guy talk. It is not a lapdance. It is having s*x with the girl in a very interesting manner.

Thus it is clear that he is having s*x with people other than you.

Solutions Options:

1. Since you invested $60,000 for the fairytale then you should probably have it. You can always annull it later. I always hear that it is cheaper to cancel a wedding than to have a divorce but in this case it would probably be cheaper the other way around.

Thus you could either cancel the wedding or have it, enjoy it, and dissolve it later.

BOTTOM LINE: SOUNDS LIKE HE CHEATED.

Answer 7

It is probably just cold feet.  You need to calm down and just think about the good times you had and not worry about what your fiance talked about.  If he really wanted to cheat on you, he would have gone to his bachelor party whether you wanted him to or not.  Just enjoy your fairy tale wedding and have fun on the honeymoon.

Answer 8

I didn't see your first two questions.  I honestly wish that I, or someone else here, could give you the perfect answer, but that just isn't possible.  What I can say is that some nervousness before a wedding is normal.

If he had an opportunity to do stuff at his bachelor party, but didn't even attend it because of your concerns, I would say that's a good sign.

You don't want to call off a wedding without a really good reason.  It's possible that you *do* have a good reason.  I'm just thinking, though, that unless you have solid proof, this would be a pretty serious decision to make based only on instinct.  

How have you felt about him up to this point?  In recent months, or anytime you've known him, have you lacked trust in him?  That's the foundation to every successful marriage.  Can you trust him, the way you want him to be able to trust you?

I really hope this works out.  

Answer 9

honey,  you are fully entitled to your feelings.  however, let me fully reassure you!!!!!!!  

everything is going to be ok.  you will get married tomorrow and be a dazzling bride.  you are having nerves and distress.   its ok.  now, take a deep breath and let me tell you this.

guys all talk tough before the bachelor party, it is important that they all  put on this big bravado for each other on how they are so going to do this or that.  do they really?  no.  it is a guy thing, and you saw some text that had no relationship to you or your future or your wedding or anything,  dry your eyes cause you dont want to look puffy.  

he was just being a red blooded guy in front of his friends.  they talk cruder than we do and it is somethng between guys that girls frankly are better off not seeing.

call your fiance and tell him everything is ok.  forget about this completely.  men need space to be men, by the way.  give him his space now before the wedding and you concentrate on you and your lists of things that need to get done and how great it is all gonna be.  i wanna see a big smile and a clear head.  comeon.  i guarantee it is gonna be ok and you can put it out of your mind.  he has not cheated.  i promise.  now, let it go cause you have some serious bridal business to attend to!!!!

congrats!!!!!!!

edit:  see?  look below me, stephanie has 6 brothers too and she says exactly the same thing!!!! thats 100% agreement from gals who know what guys are really thinking.!!!!!  dont worry!!!!!!

2nd edit:  i read your other questions, and my answer above is accurate.  he was just talking tough.  from what i read i am positive he wasnt really going to do anything.  really.

Answer 10

First, you need to calm yourself..... & get all this straight.

I remember the "train" question.

Why do you think he's cheated?  Has he given you reason to suspect or is it you?  Why do you think the relationship is falling apart?

He didn't even go to the party because you were upset.

If you are getting married by a clergy (minister,rabbi, priest) go to them & talk with them with your fiance.

It's so very hard to help over the Net when you don't know someone or the whole situation.

Answer 11

Only you can decide if your just experiencing "cold feet," or if you genuinely have concerns about getting married to this guy.

If you do have concerns, there's no need to rush.  I would tell you to be certain, because it's much easier to change your mind now then it is after the wedding.