I'm getting scared now?

Question

I've asked a few questions before about breaking contact with my family. I know that for me to be happy and to grow I need them out of my life. But many people on here say that family is forever and it's not that easy, and that I should endure their manipulation and abuse because we're related. Please tell me there's at least one person out there who believes you should only be with people who make you happy, even if that excludes family?

Answer 1

First, it is not everything or nothing.  My suggestion to deal with "difficult" family members is to be polite and superficial.  I know that you will have to practise this over sometime before it becomes effective.  You need to harden yourself (i.e. mentally prepared yourself) such that you do not react to their abuse.  

Eventually, you will be able to smile and dance through all family gathering, enjoying the family members that you like, and politely ignore those that you don't.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

my feelings are, you are supposed to love your family but you don't have to like them. so if your feel theat your family is holding you back from your life, giving that you are at least 18, then i say forget them and move on.  

Answer 3

i believe you should only be with people who make you happy

Answer 4

If your family makes you feel that bad, then perhaps it's best to be apart from them. Cutting contact is a big step, but if it's really what you need to get on with your life...

Answer 5

If you are threatened by your family in a way that is not good for you to grow as a person then you shouldn't have to put up with it. It is your life, do what you want with it, if that means moving away from your family to pursue a life with people you like more then so be it.

A family that doesn't have your best interests at heart is not a family at all!

Answer 6

I don't know what you been going though, but ask yourself this even if you distant yourself from your family will it make you happy?

I can't decided your life for you but I can agree that surrounding yourself will happy people will make your life better.

Answer 7

I agree with you. My mom is mean. People used to say to me "But she's your mom"- you know what I tell them? "But she doesn't ACT like a mom. When she acts like a mom, I'll treat her like a mom."

Answer 8

For the time being, you should not be with your family.  You should stay away and let the wounds heal, because it is obvious that they have hurt you in many ways.  Send Mother's and Father's and Birthday cards, but continue to live away.

The cards keep a contact.  You do not have to go see them, take a call from them, or anything.  But if the day comes that you find you want them in your life, the door is open.

T.

Answer 9

hard to answer. I'd like to know more about the manipulation and abuse. It depends on how old you are, if you can support yourself, etc... If they truly are abusive, and unable to cooperate, than yes, you should sever ties. That should be the last step, though. Try to work with them first.  

Answer 10

well sometimes families annoy you but really they just want the best for you but i know some families can be pretty abusive too. like with me, i don't have much of a relationship with my father-- the problem with him is that he has a bad temper (which i also inherited), doesn't like other people expressing their opinions a lot, is very disagreeable, won't listen to your side of the story, etc. i mean of course i love him and i wish we could get along better but really the most i can do is try not to get into too many fights with him and to try be more tolerant.

but yes sometimes the best thing to do to avoid fights is to actually avoid THE PEOPLE too, like my dad's side can be very difficult to be around and especially after going on our last vacation i really realized that in order for me to be happy and to avoid any more fights and stress from them i have to not see them as much tho i never saw them a lot anyways.

Anyways back to ur point i think if ur family stresses u out that much then you should probably concentrate more on your life and happiness and spend less time with them but i dunno about avoiding them completely. like i don't know how ur relationship is with ur parents but u could talk to them on the phone and see them every once in a while tho if problems continue even with just that then make it clear that ur not gonna wanna see/talk to them AT ALL if they keep doing this.

Answer 11

family is the one groups of friends you will always have. you need to stay connected because they will be able to support you when no one can. and family should make you happy, so try to forgive them for whatever reason. you can never have another real family.

good luck:)

Answer 12

I havent seen any other questions on this subject, but I've lived it. Break it off, especially since you believe that for you to grow you need them out of your life. Yes, I have done this. It came about after decades of taking their sarcastic comments, that they then played off as "What?!" "No!", "I didnt say that!" spin. I was living out of state, dealing with job loss, foreclosure of my first home (that as I look back, I bought because I thought it would FINALLY "validate" me in their eyes), and other issues. When my brother started screaming at me on the phone, something in me just said "Enough." And I didnt speak to them again, none of them, and its been 3 years now.

And YES, you will grow and become a different, likely better person. I did, for the most part. The people who tell you family is forever, blood is thicker than water, those people haven't endured the kind of abuse that people like you and I have. THey can't relate. To them, they think that "ALL family is wonderful, so how could you possibly exclude them from your life?!" These are the Norman Rockwell-types of family's, where everything is wonderful, all the time. blahblahblah.

Ask yourself this: Would you put up with any other person (friend, boyfriend, neighbor, coworker, etc.) who behaved like the member of your family that you would like to no longer associate with? Would you let that person mistreat and abuse you that way? Likely not. So what if family is "blood"; you didnt pick your relatives, they just happened to be in teh same family. You don't owe them your sanity, or your happiness just because circumstances put you on the same branch of the family tree.

Move on, move UP, and enjoy your life!

Good Luck!