I'm grounding my 15Y/O from Homecoming, would you have done the same?

Question

Apparently she has some issues. One of them being that I smoke and she has asked me numerous times to quit. She doesn't realize I must quit for me not for anyone else. Regardless, she sees this as a reflection on her, that I don't do things she has asked me to do. She was angry to the point of tears. When I pointed out some other things I have done for her, like pay for our trip to Florida, she had nothing to say to that. And nothing to say about anything else I brought up that I do for her. I certainly got no recognition or credit for doing them. So since I have been accused of doing nothing she has asked me to do, she won't miss not going to Homecoming. I think she needs a brief period of appreciation to open her eyes to how much I do do for her.

Answer 1

You're daughter is right for wanting you to quit smoking, but she is not right for lacking appreciation for things that you do for her. I guess your even, because she really is doing a nice thing buy encouraging you to stop smoking and you don't seem to be appreciating her for it.

By the way, don't take away homecoming from your daughter. That's a horrible thing to do and she doesn't deserve it.  

Answer 2

aren't you glad you and your daughter have a perfectly normal mother/teen relationship?  believe it or not, you do.  she's growing and feels invincible.  remind her about the respect that you as the parent, expect.  nothing less or there will be consequences.  there should be lots of reprimands--  but don't go overboard or you will be just as wrong as she.  homecoming is way too vindictive.  surely you can find something that won't be life-altering at this age.  think, and try to enjoy her.  this too shall pass.

Answer 3

You are in a very awkward situation. I did about the same when my son was 16. She'll look back at this in a few years and say "wow, I was really a brat." I would not ground her, though. Thats essentially stealing her teenage years from her. But don't rent a Limo. Confiscate Cellphone, Ipod, but try to quit smoking. At least look like you care about her wishes and do it for your health and her.

Answer 4

You are a selfish idiot. Grow up. She's right and she cares about you. Foolish mother.

Answer 5

That's a really rash and immature way to punish her.

You are definitely wrong on this one.  

Answer 6

If you are grouding her because you are mad at her for pointing out your faults then you have a problem and YOU need to work it out for your self, not take it out on her. If you are grouning her because she does not appreciate the things that you do for her I would say that this is also wrong and you still have issues. You are a parent, you made a choice to become a parent. Doing things for your kids is part of being a PARENT. As a parent we make sacrifices for our kids and ask for nothing in return. Also if she is that unappreciative of the things that you do, once again it is YOUR problem for the way you rased her. In short get off your high horse and get yourself some help. This little girl has done NOTHING but what YOU have taught her.

Answer 7

my mom tried that with my sister my sister just got mader and she was about to move out to live with her boyfriend

Answer 8

Unfortunately this will will open a new can of worms.  Keeping her from Homecoming will NOT get the respect you feel you deserve.  Respect, however, is a 2 way street.  Your daughter has asked you to not smoke.  Could you compromise and only smoke outdoors (not in the house or car).  Quitting is a personal decision, but by compromising you show you care.  Kids expect parents to do things for them and they are rarely grateful.  You need to find a new way to connect with your daughter to bring you closer (and more appreciative).  Allow her to go to the dance.  One has nothing to do with the other.

Answer 9

You are grounding her because she wants you to quit smoking?  If she's ungrateful for the things you give her, that's your own fault for raising her that way.

I would have had a talk with her about her lack of appreciation.  And then I would have listened to her concerns about the smoking.  Instead of seeing that she's an ungrateful brat, why not see her as the worried child.  Smoking decreases your life span and maybe she just wants her mom around for a few more years than you are giving yourself.

Answer 10

Give her the choice of missing homecoming or getting it over and done with over your knee, hairbrush in hand.

Answer 11

You have issues woman

Answer 12

thats a little harsh just cos she smokes ciggies i started smoking at 13 and my mum wasnt even that harsh

Answer 13

oh, WOW..you paid for a trip to FL..big whoop.

That's nothing. You seem like a pathetic parent. Hopefully your poor daughter will call CPS and be taken away from your obnoxious custody.

Answer 14

She is asking you to quit out of love, not out of spike.

She had nothing to say because she appreciates it and wasn't arguing what you done for her.

She has something to say when it comes to the fact you are slowly killing yourself and one day she will be with out a mother before she should have to be.  Instead of living past 80, you might not get to due to smoking will decrease your life expectancy.  

You should praise her for thinking smoking is bad and praise her for her for SUPPORTING AND ENCOURAGING you to be healthier.

yes, she WILL miss homecoming and horrible to punish her for asking you to quit smoking. It is a time in her life she WON'T get back and a time in her life she REALIZES she needs her mom the most.  

She is angry at you for choosing to smoke. You are not thinking of her, your family or anyone around you. Yes, you quit for yourself but #1 of all quitters will say they had a reason behind their choice to quit.

The number one reason is their family.

They hated to see their family hurt. Hated to the fact they will miss out on great things because their life was taken too soon. That their health went down too quick.

You are majorly selfish.

Answer 15

Well I am the father of a 15 year old and have had two other teenagers go through this age and I would have to say that unless there is more to this than you are stating the fact that she has said you do little for her and that she wants you to quit smoking and you won't hardly seems to be a reason to stop her going to homecoming.   Denying her something such as this can only cause her long term resentment towards yourself and while I am all for discipline your reasons seem to be very thin and in fact it would almost seem that you are doing it out of spite to get back at her.  She is the teenager and has hormones running riot so has an excuse for saying things that she shouldn't.  You have no excuse for the same.

Answer 16

ONONONO

Answer 17

Maybe you should considering grounding yourself as well.

Answer 18

Soooo... basically your punishing her for being concerned about you. Seriously, you need to grow up.

Answer 19

we don't have homecoming here in australia but from what i've seen in movies and read in books it seems like the most important thing ever....

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR OWN DAUGHTER!!!!! don't you realize that you're punishing her for NOTHING....both of you just had a stupid fight....everyone does that, i do with my mum alot but she would never want to take away something important from me, we just get over it the next day like normal people

if she wants you to quit then you should quit, can't you see that she's worried for your health......you should stop if you don't want to die young

Answer 20

Elle read it properly

I think its fine, she will relise your serious

Im 16 and have learnt the hard way, I missed out on alot.

She will be okay =]

Answer 21

No.  She asked you to quit probably because she is worried about your health. You are the parent you are supposed to do things for her and not to mention you paid for 'our' trip to Florida, was that not for yourself as well.  You can't expect a 15 year old to pay for that.  Quitting smoking and paying for a trip are two completely different thing.  It's easy to buy off people, but when it comes down to real things it's harder.

I would not prevent my kid from going to homecoming.  She didn't do anything wrong, you guys had an argument, it happens with all parents and children.

Answer 22

Let me make sure i have this right- she asks you to stop smoking and for that you will ground her from homecoming.

Gosh who is the Mom here and who is the kid.

So she asked you to stop smoking -- thats not exactly a horrible thing, she didnt really do anything wrong.  

Answer 23

You are the parent, You are supposed to do things for her. Like pay for your trip to FL.

I think missing homecoming has nothing to do with this situation, and doesn't seem like a punishment that fits the crime.

She may need to learn to be more appreciative. Maybe she needs to get a job to start paying for some of her own fun things. Or she can do extra work around the house to earn money for a new dress or whatever she needs for homecoming.

Either way, it sounds like the two of you could benefit from some family therapy.

Answer 24

I think you are being a total witch about this.

Just because she wants you to quit doesn't mean she's not appreciative of you. Maybe she just cares about you, or cares about her own health?

You need to grow up a little, your daughter is 100% correct.  

Answer 25

You are so mean. who in the world would agree with you. i feel sorry your child is part of your life. you are a mean wicked selfish mother!

Answer 26

I don't think I would have done that.  If the real problem is that she doesn't appreciate what you do for her, then she needs to learn how hard it is to do those things.  Make her get a part time job and start paying for this kind of stuff herself, then she will see how easy she had it.  

While I agree that her attitude is horrible, I don't think that just barring her from doing things is going to change that.  She's just going to be all the madder at you and see you as the bad guy even more.  You also need to stop rationalizing with her.  When she tries to give you c**p about smoking or whatever else she thinks you are doing wrong, tell her "I'm the adult here, not you.  Mind your own business and keep your opinions to yourself."  You have to put her in her place and make her know that in your house you make the rules.

Answer 27

Sounds a bit childish to be honest.

Not many teenagers show appreciation or credit for things their parents do, but deep down I'm sure your daughter appreciates and recognizes what you do for her. At some point she will show that she knows.

Homecoming's a big thing, by not letting her go you will only push her away and resent you even more.

Answer 28

Honestly, I think that is a bad idea, only because at this time you need to befriend her more than anything or she will meet the wrong people and possibly rebel. Explain to her that you do a lot for her, and tell her she can go to homecoming but she needs to see that you try your best to do a lot for her. Plus, her wanting you to stop smoking is not a bad thing, she cares about you, atleast tell her you will stop smoking around her or infront of her. I mean you really are hurting her when you do that and if you care about her you will do that much.  

Answer 29

you have issues

Answer 30

Honestly, I agree with you.  You are the adult and she is the child.  Unless you are a raging alcoholic, drug-addict, or abusive in any way, shape or form, a child has NO right to dictate to their parents (the ADULTS in the household) how they think their parents should live their lives.

Your daughter is 15.  She is not a baby.  And she is entitled to her opinion within reason.  For her to have a temper-tantrum (and I can only imagine what that must be like) about you smoking is completely un-called for.

The older she gets, the more responsibility SHE has in the sense of having the maturity in discussing subjects with you that bother her.  She has to learn that her delivery in the way she approaches a subject with you will be the determining factor of the outcome.

She, or no one, has the right to tell you to quit smoking.  You are an adult and CHOOSE to smoke.  It is legal.  Sounds like your daughter is just trying to get her way by bullying you or having temper-tantrums.  I would not tolerate that either.

You are her mother. You are the parent. You have the right to take things away from her to teach her that she needs to respect what is going on around her in YOUR house.  Does she pay the bills?  Buy the food?  Go to work every day to help contribute to the household?  NO.  I bet she doesn't.  Therefore, she is the child in this situation.

These other people on here that are tearing you apart sound like their children run their lives and their houses.  And as far as I'm concerned, that is a bigger injustice than your legal choice to smoke.

That'll be the day that my son, who is 12, will tell me how to live my life.

So, in a nutshell, that's how I honestly feel.  Good luck with her and don't give in.  Hopefully she will learn to not take things for granted around her, especially you, her one and only mother.

Answer 31

If she planned on being in it, no. If she just planned on going to it, maybe, but probably not. I would ground her for something you pay for. For example the Internet, cell phone maybe?