I'm having difficulties with being able follow through with discipline while I'm breast feeding; Any advice?

Question

I breast feed my almost 3 month old daughter and sometimes my 2 year old son can act out some or not listen to me because he knows that I can get up and follow through while I'm feeding the baby. I'll give an example:

Today he was up on the couch standing up. I told him to sit down. He didn't listen. I gave him the choice of sitting down on the couch or standing in the corner for a couple minutes. He still didn't listen so I told him that because he didn't listen to go stand in the corner for two minutes. He knows that I can't get up to make sure he stays in his time out, so he chose not to listen (which resulting in a swat on the behind AND standing in the corner that I carried out after I was done feeding my baby). How do you deal with something like that? How do you stay consistent with discipline in my situation or a similar situation?

Just also to add on, he is not normally like that but he does have his "froggy" days.

Answer 1

It seems pretty normal behavior - your two year old is jealous of the huge amount of time you have to spend nursing a newborn. Even discipline is attention, so he's pushing the limits.

Now that I'm juggling a baby and a toddler, I started taking away TV privileges. He gets a warning, then it's no more TV for the day. Works like a charm and it sticks with him. When we approach the grocery store, he now says, "I'm going to listen and not run away because I want to watch Oswald when we get home."

No, my son doesn't watch a ton of TV. Yes, it's sad that it works so well. I'm sure there are superstar moms who don't let their kids watch any TV and perhaps won't like this answer. However, it lets me discipline right when he misbehaves while I might be nursing or otherwise juggling the baby.

Answer 2

This isn't really complicated.  Put the baby down. (Baby will cry.)  Discipline son.  Resume feeding baby.

If you teach your son he can't get away with it, he'll learn to respect you.  If you don't, he won't.

It's really that simple.  

No, it won't harm the baby.  It will CERTAINLY harm your 2 yo if you DON'T.

By the way, it's all the "experts" in "child devlopment" who have given us the MESS of spoiled rotten brats we have today.  They are NOT "well adjusted", they are NOT happy, and they sure don't make people around them happy.

Listen to today's experts if you want ruined children.

Answer 3

I was just reading a couple of answers there and a 2 year old DOES understand time out. I have a 2 year old and for her time out, she goes in her room for 2 min's. She hates it. Trying to get a 2 year old to stand in the corner for 2 min's is hard! That doesn't bother my daughter at the slightest. I would try putting an activity out for him, if that doesn't work, when he does wrong ask him once nicely (it's amazing how just the way you say it can change their reaction) if he doesn't listen ignore him, its hard especially when you know they can hurt themselves but it should work

Answer 4

Um...yes you can stand up and nurse.  You can use a pillow like "My Breast Friend" or use a sling.

Being consistant is VERY important.  Right now, for him, it's probably more important than actually stopping nursing (if you don't have a sling--you can make one really easily).  Women nurse one-handed all the time (I couldn't, LOL, but with that pillow, I was TOTALLY moveable!).

A 2 year old does not really understand time out yet.  Two minutes 'out' would be the most.  What he needs in time IN.

What is swatting his behind after you're done nursing going to teach him?  He's probably forgotten what he did by that point.

I highly recommend Dr. Sear's "The Discipline Book".

Answer 5

It sounds like two things are going on:

1. you have a smart little boy there! He knows when he can get away with things. It is normal for kids to push their boundaries, especially at his age.

2. He is jealous of his sister and has learned that he can get attention from you at a time when he normally wouldn't by misbehaving.

I would recommend you follow through once you are done feeding, as you have been doing.

I would also recommend that you try to find some way of involving him during the feeding. For example, sit on the couch so he can sit beside you and talk to him while you are feeding her. This will reduce his jealousy because you are not giving her all the attention, and therefore (hopefully) he will misbehave less.

Good luck to you!

Answer 6

My suggestion would be to get a bunch of books that can be read by CD and read one when you breast feed. Toddlers and pre-schoolers are AMAZED by books read on tape, mainly because the reader uses weird voices and sound effects that you don't use/make when you read to him, and hold their attention a lot longer. Announce to him that it's time to feed the baby, which should tell him that it's time to go pick a book. Put the CD into the CD player and hold the book (or have him hold it). It'll be a bonding experience for all three of you.

Best Wishes  =]

Answer 7

At 3 months you should start to be feeling a lit bit more comfortable with feedings to where you will not be restricted to sitting the whole time. Try the cradle hold - this will leave one arm free.

He may act out during this time because he is jealous. Before you sit down to feed get some activities for the older child to do (by you) - reading books, coloring - if you are entertaining him he will not feel as jealous.  

Answer 8

Try changing the choices you give him so that both of them are acceptable for him.  The choice that you gave him isn't really a choice since one option is a punishment.  You could try "You need to sit down on the couch or on the floor", or "You can sit forwards or backwards, it's up to you." You want to make sure that the options you give him are both equal in both of your eyes.  When one option is a bad consequence, it isn't really an option.  Since it's not really an option, it isn't a true choice.  OTOH, giving choices is an excellent discipline method and works great when you make the choices equal.

Another option you have is to set up a special nursing time routine.  When you are feeding the baby your toddler has something special to do during that time.  It could be a special toy, coloring book, or task that he gets to do.

Your baby is still small, so you could also nurse in a sling or other carrier so that your hands are free and you *can* physically force him to do something.

Answer 9

I remember this same problem with my last two children.  My daughter, who is only 15 months older than her brother, would do the same thing.  I noticed that everytime I sat down to nurse, she would start doing things like throwing toys or jumping on the couch.  When I told her to stop, she would just ignore me.  Usually she listened to me so when she ignored me, I was surprised.  I began to notice that it was every time I nursed, and only then.  Of course I wondered if maybe she was vying for my attention.  I also wondered if she was figuring out that I wasn't nearly as consistent as I normally was because I had a baby attached to me!

I decided to treat it as if we had both problems.  So every time I nursed, I would read her a book or color with her or play with her dolls.  Every time she didn't obey me when I said sit  down or come here or don't tear the pages, I would make a point to put the baby down and handle the situation in whatever matter was appropriate at the time.  I now it sounds awful to interrupt the baby's eating, but it wasn't so bad.  I just thought of it like this, the baby will be fine.  It only took a few seconds to get him back on the breast and he could resume eating and he wasn't going to remember it.  On the other hand, my daughter would have remembered the next time if I wouldn't have disciplined her disobedience.  I found it to be more pressing right then to discipline her than to feed him.  

Life as a parent of more than one is full of these kind of choices.  Do I help my 8 year old build his solar system model or do I walk away an take care of the two little ones who can't seem to get along at the moment?  If you find the right balance so that one child isn't ALWAYS left getting seconds of mom's attention, then it all works out for the best.  It's so very important to remain the same for your son...he needs to know that rules don't change just because he has a baby sister.

Good luck!

****ADDED

I just read the post about "equal choices".  I have to laugh at that one.  Since when is everything in life 'equal'?  If you get pulled over for speeding, you don't get the option of slowing down a little or slowing down a lot...you get a ticket.  I am all for choices, but sometimes the choice is "do what I said or get punished".   I think choices are great but they don't always have to pleasant for the child.

Answer 10

I think the fret of " Wait till i have stopped feeding the baby" Should be enough now!

Answer 11

I have four children and the older three were all 23 months when their younger sibling was born.  A swat on the leg is doable while nursing.  I'd have told him to sit down.  When he didn't obey, I'd have walked over and swatted him firmly on the leg and told him to sit.  Repeat as needed.