I'm having major issues with my fiancé and his parents...please I really need some advice!!!?

Question

I'm a 26 yrs old college student and my fiancé is a little bit younger than me he's 21 and will be 22 soon. We met while I was a TA in a ASL (American sign language) course because I'm deaf and I want to able to teach in a school for the deaf someday. I found out a couple of weeks a ago that I was pregnant and couldn't be more thrilled. My fiancé was happy with it too till he told his parents.

They pay his tuition and part of his rent for our apartment. They want him to finish college and go on to graduate school. (He's an Accounting major). His mother is saying that I should go get a abortion because she feels that her son won't be able to finish his education while taking care of a baby. This idea got into his head too and now he's saying that I should get an abortion! (I refuse to do so b/c I'm an adult that's perfectly capable of taking care of a my child and so is he!)

I had to move out of our apartment and move back with my dad b/c I was so crushed and devastated that the man I love dearly feels this way.

Now, he's writing me messages saying that I shouldn't have this baby b/c the possibility that he/she could be born deaf and it wouldn't be fair to him/her. I think he's trying his best to upset me!

I think it's because his parents have some issue with me, that my pregnancy may prevent him from being successful. I had to decline a student teaching position b/c my due date would conflict with the time I'd have to start. Is it fair that I have to put my dreams on hold while he doesn't?

I don't really know what to do? How can I reason with my fiancé or his parents? I don't want my baby to grow up without a father.

It's embarrassing that as an adult I have to go live with my dad but I don't have enough income to support myself. I feel so sad and devastated.

Thank you all in advance. Sorry, this message is so long. I just have to get it out.

Answer 1

First of all let me start of saying, I'm going to tell you how I really feel about your situation and then I will give my opinion. I don't want to offend you in anyway.

I understand what your fiance's parents are saying and the only way you will understand them is if you look at it from a parent point of view. Yes your fiance' is 21 years old and that practically makes him an adult but a young and inexperienced adult. I'm 24 years old and I work and go to school and I'm still experiencing life. Just imagine your fiance', he really does have his whole life head of him and maybe even to be something great. If his heart isnt into raising kid of sorry honey but you gotta understand. I know that he does need to be a man and be responsible for his actions because that's what real adults do.

You also mentioned that you moved out and are living with your dad because of income problems... How are you going to take care of a child if you can hardly take care of yourself? Yes, you are 26 years old but the decision to have child is a very serious decision. You need more than love to take care of baby, you need money.

The only thing I can say is you need to sort this situation out fast and decide what your going to do. I suggest talking with your fiance' and hear what he has to say and then both of you go to his parents and discuss the situation in an adult matter.

If he does want to be a part of this child's life then it's his loss but honey don't you ever think for a moment you need a man in your life to help you raise a child. I know it's easy said then done but I've seen many woman in my life raise their babies on their own and their doing just fine without a father around. You are a strong woman and allyou need is to have faith and believe and trust me things will work it's self out.

Yes , it will be hard but that's life. It's the rough times and the obstacles that make us stronger.

Honey keep your head up and I hope everything works out for you, I truly do. Good Luck and remember the choice is yours.

Answer 2

You can have this baby, there are plenty of teens that have children and find a way to make it. And you an adult. I am sorry that your fiance feels this way, but it doesn't sound like he loves you very much if he is so willing to kill the child you two made very willingly. I know you dont want your child to be fatherless, but that is better then lilfeless. You can do this!!

Answer 3

The real problem is not the baby -- it's your guy. He is too young and immature for you. The pregnancy WILL put a hold on your education but not for long if you are determined and resourceful. Is there anyone who could care your child while you finish school? Have a heart-to-heart with your dad. Can mom help? Have you looked at options for adoption?

Next time you fall in love, pick someone who shares your key interests and live in similar situations. Those relationships last.  

Answer 4

Wow, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I commend you for wanting to keep your child and not wanting to take the easy way as so many people (your fiance and his family included) would.

I think you should think long and hard about the future you have with your fiance. Is this the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? This isn't just a minor disagreement, it's a huge deal. He wants you to end the life of your unborn child just because it might cause him some stress. Yknow what? He should've thought of that before he started jumping bones with you. No offense and sorry to be so crass but anytime you start having relations with someone you should realize that having a baby is a very real possibility. The fact that he doesn't want to own up to his responsibility now and wants to just sweep this under the rug is a huge red flag, in my opinion. Even moreso if he got the idea from his parents and is going along with it. What does that say for your marriage? If he gets an idea from his parents it will trump whatever you think? Definitely not a good sign!

I think you should focus on your baby now and try to surround yourself with good people who support your decision. If your fiance can't get on board than you and your baby are better off without him. I know this is probably not what you want to hear but what he's doing now is the kind of behavior you really shouldn't tolerate.  

Answer 5

s***w him, and s***w his family. This is your child too and it is growing inside you - you're the one with this decision. And if you don't want to give this child up wholeheartedly then don't. You're not s******g up your life...you are young and may need a little extra help from your family, but you can still be VERY successful in life and as a parent. I wouldn't marry him, obviously he cares more about himself than you and his child. End contact with him and get child support.

Good Luck.