I'm having some problems with my dad.

Question

When I was a little less than a year old my mom and dad got divorced and then when I was about one in a half my mom got married to my step dad. Throughout my whole life I have been going to my dads every other weekend and things started declining now that I'm thirteen. I've talked to him three times since February. (on the phone)

1. He asked me my shoe size cause he bet his friend ten dollars on my shoe size. (he lost)

2. He asked for his friends phone number

3. I called him to tell him I made cheerleading and he said cool and then said he had to go.

I am really distressed about it and I really need advice on how to cope. Just so you know me and my step dad get along great and I call him dad. (my real dad doesn't know that) and I've called him dad since i was 4. So do my other siblings he is a really great guy. And also my real dad has a daughter named Emily who is around 17 and he hasn't had any contact with for 13 Years. I need advice on how to cope with this.

Answer 1

i know its hard, but just ask

your mom if you can go visit

him.  

Answer 2

I'm somewhat in the same situation. I'm 13 and my parents divorced when I was 8. I live with my dad and I just figured out over the years that men just don't think the same way we do. Sometimes my dad talks to me about girls with big butts and it's really weird. But, i'm sure your dad loves you very much, he just has a different outlook on things.

Answer 3

You are so fortunate to have such a good relationship with your stepdad.  Since he's your primary dad you shouldn't worry too much about the biological one.  He doesn't seem available, whatever his reasons.  I think you shouldn't expect too much from him, then if you do get some positive feedback or interaction it'll be a pleasant surprise.  Focus on your two parents who are raising you.

Answer 4

It's hard to understand why your dad would abandon you the way he has. He is a part of you, he's your dad. So you wonder what you did for him to leave you. You're a special person, and your stepdad has seen the special things in you. Your real father will never change, not now anyways. He'll figure things when he's REALLY old. Anyone can be a father, it takes a special person to be a 'daddy'. Learn from your experience, I know it hurts, but you'll be alright.  

Answer 5

I know how that can be sometimes hurtful but you should just always remember that no matter what your dad will always love you.

Answer 6

It seems that you want to continue a relationship with your father; however your father is not reciprocating. Why don't you pick up the phone and call him. Set up a lunch/dinner date and just really share your feelings, no pride here just do it. I think you have nothing to lose since you currently have a healthy relationship with your stepfather. Is your biological dad a productive person with a job, house, etc.? Or do you think he might have some problems...depression, alcohol, drugs? As people with addictions, tend to behave selfishly. I am sorry that you have to go through this at such a young age, but also glad that you have a loving stepfather as many do not. Best wishes.

Answer 7

i kind of know where you are coming from. i myself had a strained relationship with my real father (except i DIDNT get along with my step father). But what you should try and realize is that the man that is there taking care of you and acting like your dad is the one that deserves your affection. Your real dad doesnt really seem up to the task, and so i would let him have his distance. Concentrate your daughterly love towards your step dad and let him know that you appreciate him being there for you. Maybe one day your real father will see what he is doing wrong and try and make ammends with you. But untill that time i would just make the best of what you have right there with you.  

Answer 8

Some men deal well with little kids, but have trouble dealing with older kids - especially girls.  I assume your are a girl, with the cheerleading.  They don't know what to say or do.

I don't think it's your responsibility to maintain the relationship, but since you want some ideas, here are a few to consider.

Call him once a week, even if the conversation is short.  Sleep over for one night on the weekend instead of two.  When you go over bring a movie to watch (guy-type; action adventure / comedy).  Type up a copy of your school schedule, and bring along a folder with returned school papers, so he can see them.  Take some pictures of yourself with your friends, so he knows who they are.  Maybe he can take a friend and you out for burgers.  And lastly, maybe ask your step-dad for ideas - it doesn't sound like he would feel threatened at this point.

You birth father sounds like an OK guy whose little girl is growing up.  Just keep in touch, and keep him up-to-date.  He'll get over it, and see that you are becoming a very caring young lady.

Answer 9

talk to ur mum about it but i would just let it go

its obvious that he isnt interested in his kids

its really sad

but thats the truth to this matter

ur dad is an as* hole

im sorry

Answer 10

Dads. Oh boy!

it seems to me that when you reach that teen thing, they get worried....and they don't know what to say or what to do. I wouldn't really worry abut it. this is just your being a dad. I would how ever call him a little more and just let him know what you are doing and how things are going.............he's a man, he gets cold feet as they say.

give it a few months and you will be fed-up with his calls

Answer 11

My dad loved me very much, but did not communicate with me as much as he or I wanted because he was embarrassed. He was dealing with drug addiction and it pained him to be near us because he thought he had failed us. It was a cycle, it was in his head, not mine. I am not sure if your dad had something in the past that he was ashamed of, or feels like because he did not see you as much growing up there is no room for relationship now that you are older. This may be true or may not, just thought I would bring to light my situation. I am happy that you have a loving father (step father), our "parents" are sometimes given to us when are real parents cannot be.