I'm headed for "Cheatersville"?

Question

I can't believe I'm typing this. I am a 39 year old woman going through a huge mid-life crisis that is reserved for older men. I am not attracted physically to the man I have lived with for the last 12 years (not married), and haven't been for a long time, and I feel he knows it subconsciously, but he's so emotionally dependent on me that he ignores it, and tries to pretend everything is okay. I had a drunken smooching session with my boss's son whom I have worked with for 17 years and he's 5 years younger than me. Now we are texting eachother flirt messages and I have seen him once since then (thank goodness he lives out of town), but I just KNOW that I am not going to be able to hold out because I am so thrilled at the excitement of it. Someone please try to talk some sense into me because I just can't wait to see him again. I feel so pathetic that I can't control myself, because I know I'll get caught, and that it's wrong, etc., but I can't stop myself from jumping in front of the oncoming train.

Answer 1

It would be nice for you to have some respect for his feelings. Don't be so selfish by inflicting a horrible pain onto someone who doesn't deserve it.

Trust me, you can't take the hurt back.

If you want to pursue the other person at least show some class and break it off with the one you are with now.  

Answer 2

Break up with your "husband", move out, and then have fun with boyfriend.  That could turn into a great relationship but not if you are still living with someone else.  Take control of your life. 12 years is a long time.  Long enough. Move on but do it the right way.

Answer 3

yes. you are.. LOL.

Answer 4

Step up to your man and do the right thing -- tell him that you're on your way out.  If you let someone be "emotionally dependent" on you, then it means you're just as much to blame for the co-dependent mess that you're in.  Have some dignity -- tell the man the truth.  Karma has a way of kicking your as$ straight...

Answer 5

do you honestly feel that your boyfriend that you live with doesn't suspect something? i'm sure he does. why are you not married Yet! is it mutual? also you are way to deep in this now to turn back. you have become emotional involved so even if you try and break it off you will be miserable and make the relationship with your live in b/f unbearable.  so all you can do at this point is try and spare your live b/f the embarrassment and humiliation that he will definitely go through.What you have failed to realize is that your live in b/f has put his faith and trust in your hands and what you have successfully done is smash his heart. before you take this relationship that you have established with your boss son any further please talk to your live in b/f first. also you have put your self in a bad place messing around with the boss son. you are really sacrificing a lot for this boss son who is 5 years younger than you and probably 10 years less mature than you are. you really need to back up and slap your self b/c honestly you are being a fool. your going to lose every thing. job and a man that loves you. which is what im sure you wanted when things were good. good luck girl you are going to need it!!

Answer 6

You got it figured out. Now what are you going to do? Some people still think character matters.

Answer 7

First you should set your guy down and have a honest talk with him! Tell him what you have told us and be honest. You both are just hurting yourselves. If you feel that nothing is there in your relationship than you need to break it off NOW. Then if you still feel the need to go after the other guy than do it. But overlapping your relationships is hurtful and wrong no matter how you try to rationalize it. Good luck.

Answer 8

Heading for Cheatersville huh?? I hope you enjoy the trip because you'll pass through some other exciting places on the way. Guiltville, Lonelyville, Cryingville, Lostmyjobville (maybe the bosses son will give you a few bucks) Lostmyhouseville (which is very lovely in the winter time) Can'tpaymybillsville and Liarsville. Have a nice trip !!!

Answer 9

It's obvious that you know cheating is wrong and you don't want to intentionally hurt your boyfriend, so it's not like your scruples have been thrown out the window. What you are really dealing with is simple temptation. You have discovered something that makes you feel good, but with consequences. The best thing to do is remove temptation. Cut off contact with this other guy. Stop communicating with him and stop seeing him if possible. It's just like with over-eating, or drinking too much, shopping too much, etc. You will have a much better chance of doing the right thing if you work very hard to stay away from the wrong thing. Good luck.    

Answer 10

Do you love the man you have been with for 12 years? I am going to assume that you care about him because you feel guilty for the new interest. Here is the thing, you deserve to be happy. I'm really sure what to tell you..just that it is no fun to be cheated on. Don't cheat on him, if you want to be with someone else at least tell him that..he deserves it after 12 years. Don't be one of those women who cheat and then make excuses for themselves...be the one who is honest with him and yourself.

Answer 11

Been there my friend and I can tell you that it is only going to get worse. You need to decide what road you want to be on and jump on it. It is only going to get more confusing from here. You will not only have the feelings that you have but guilt as well. It feels good to be wanted like that and have that feeling in your stomach that you don't get with your guy. You aren't pathetic and there are people that have been there. You have to figure out of the boss's son is going to be a one time thing or a long term thing and then see if you are okay with that. I would also say that you should leave the bf because it very rarely gets better.

Answer 12

Wow if you planned to have an affair this is the LAST person you should be having it with.Not only is your job in jeopardy but you could lose your relationship.(it might not matter now but when everything is lost he'll be important) If you're feeling this bad about the relationship why not just be honest and leave? If you must cheat find someone away from your general surroundings.Good luck

Answer 13

Mid life crises are not reserved for older men!! People of all ages have these 'crises' ... both men and women, when they become dissatisfied with the situation in which they are currently living.

It was wrong for you to cheat with your boss's son, and you know it - it was wrong to cheat anyway, but coupling it with a drunken encounter of all things, and the fact that you work together ... oh dear! Not ideal, is it! But he's oh-so-tempting precisely because you are not satisfied with the partner you have at home, so frankly it's really quite easy for this other man to thrill and delight you.

I understand that you feel some sort of loyalty to your current partner, but you're not married to him, and it's not a relationship that's working, is it. I think you need to set this man free - don't stay out of some misguided sense of duty because you think he's emotionally dependent. Set him free and let him learn to stand on his own two feet - he will find a reserve of emotional strength within himself that he never knew he had! And even if he is hurt, it will be nothing compared to the pain he'd feel if he caught you out cheating on him. And you will cheat - you are self-reflective enough to be aware of the fact that it's absolutely irresistible to you at the moment.

Stay away from the boss's son, release your live-in partner and begin to build a new life for yourself, and you'll be well-placed to find a relationship, a lasting relationship, that will enchant you every bit as much as the illicit thrill of flirty texting with the boss's son does now.

Answer 14

aww.

well, just stop texting him.

Answer 15

yes you are

Answer 16

dont be a freaking loser (and thats being nice!) BREAK UP WITH THE GUY, AND let him leave with some dignity.

OR YOU LEAVE...and go fulfill whatever it is you think is better "on the other side", You're a d**n fool, if this guy you've been with is a good guy and you're just not attracted to him anymore.

Break up with him, period.

and hopefully he'll find A MORE DESERVING WOMAN, who doesnt run around acting like some d**n teenager. I mean, gees, if you're unhappy, LEAVE dont be a ****** and cheat on the guy.