I'm her only friend..?

Question

one of my old friends has anorexia. She's had it since about, december, and it's just getting worse. She hasn't had her period since march and she's become a shell of her former self :(

I'm really worried about her, and, what makes it worse is that she has nobody but me. She has lost contact with all her other friends and her mother and father just couldn't care less. They've handled it extremely badly, refusing to accept she has anything wrong with her and her dad once threw her food in her face and called her 'pathetic for not being the daughter he wanted' when she refused to touch her dinner (i was in her room when it happened). Her mum is in denial, and has infact lost a lot of weight herself, which i think is the wring message to put accross.

she refuses to see any psychologists/councellors as much as i beg her to, she was referred to one but hated the way she was treated and never went back.

basically, what i'm trying to ask is what can i do to help her? I've even enrolled in a councelling course at college and ordered copious amounts of ED books from the internet. I'm determined to make her better, i don't want to see her die. And i'm afraid she will die before she gains the confidence and courage to seek help from a professional.

what can i do? please help me.

x*x

Answer 1

One word, intervention. You need to find people who care about her and are willing to help send her to a facility to get better. She needs to see that people love her the way she is(or was, rather) and it may help. They don't always work, but they can be very effective and it is sometimes the only thing you can do short of forcing food down her throat, which would probably just make the situation worse. When someone is anorexic, they can sometimes not realize that it's a problem. Especially with some of the stuff out there, there are actually websites that show anorexia as s**y and model women who have been starving themselves, and make it out to be a good thing. She will most likely not get herself help, and she needs your support. God bless.

Answer 2

Well it sounds too me like you have been a great friend, you have done all you can in this situation to better her and get her help. unfortunatly theres only so much someone can do to help others. at this point its up to her to seek the help she needs. just try to be there for her and be supportive and nonjudgemental, be encouraging and friendly thats what she needs right now. good luck! ps she is not attention seeking and you are doing the right thing, this is a disease not a state of mind or an attention seeking device.

Answer 3

Be there for her. Be her shoulder to cry on.

I have suffered with my ED for 2 or so years and I know that my friends and family getting angry or upset, saying they will "fix" me, just fueled me more.

I don't really know how to explain it that well, but it's about control, being able to control our lives in one area when it seems like the rest of the world is controlling everything else.

Yes, she is killing herself, but I'm sorry to tell you that you can't "make" her better.

Confront her parents. Or any of her family. Tell them that they need to admit that she has a problem and save their daughter before anorexia claims her life.

Help her get into treatment. Don't force her to go though, give her the choice. Have you ever seen the show "Intervention"? If so, take that strategy, by giving her an ultimatum: Take treatment or lose friends and family.

Answer 4

You need an intervention. MAKE her listen, MAKE her understand. Tell her how much you care and how much it hurts you to see her put herself through this. Let her know that you're there and will do anything to help. If necessary, give her an ultimatum. Good luck  

Answer 5

tell her to eat more and go out more

Answer 6

It could be possible to have her admitted to the mental hospital.

She can go in there on a volunteer basis, but it's going to cost money.  Is this in the USA?  I am talking about the US.

Maybe she needs to get some depression drugs.  I think if her life was in danger, you could have her admitted to the hospital.  

Something me and my friend did long ago.  Though he still lived at home, he always was at my house, 24/7.  Just spent the night for a couple years.  It's only advise, I say that for this reason... "...her dad once threw her food in her face and called her 'pathetic for not being the daughter he wanted'..."

Also it could put her in a situation to not come home again from the sounds of it.  Her and you might not like the idea.

Of course we were in a position were we actually lived outside of the house, where my parents lived.  Outside in a bus, with electricity and phone.

Answer 7

You're enabling her. Stop. She's attention seeking and will only drag you down.  Your attention is not helping her.

Answer 8

What else can you? Well basically, keep on trying.

Just know that there is more to this than you can possibly

know. Is calling 911 an option for you?

I know you care deeply about your friend and you desperratly

want to help. This is the classic case of leading the horse to

water, but it's up to it to drink it!

She has lost faith in herself and everyone around her, save for you.

If she wants to go, inspite of your heroic efforts, there's nothing

left for you to do  but to keep on trying. At least you will save your-

self from a oneway guilt trip to nowhere!!!.

Don't forget, you've got your own life to live. that is important too!

I'm hoping for the best, for you and your friend.

Answer 9

Well - I'd try to be more of a friend and less of a doctor.  She obviously needs someone to show her care and compassion - that's when you step in.  The problems that are rising in her seem to be both physical and emotional.  Unless I'm wrong, the emotional problems may be causing the physical problems.  In other words - the emotional problems are the heavy weights.

As a caring friend you can help those emotional problems.  I can understand why you would want to step in as her doctor, because something needs to be done with both the emotional and physical problems.  But I think the best thing to do is set aside the medical books and just walk beside her, instead of in front of her, trying to guide her.

If you have another circle of friends introduce your friend to them if you haven't already.  You could also try to get in touch with other family members you friend may have.  The parents seem to be a problem and should (in my opinion) be temporarily subtracted out of the process to any type of recovery.  She may have other relatives who can show more compassion - if not within her family - what about your parents and/or guardians acting as a comforting role model to your friend?

Good luck.

Answer 10

i'm not a psyc...but my best advice to you is to always be there for her. If it seems to be getting worse then call around to find a counselor to see if they would meet up with you both. If u are not a psyc..then u need some assistance to help your friend.

God Bless U.