I'm in a new relationship and keep expecting the worst...

Question

I feel as if I'm going a little mad...

I've been in an abusive relationship in the past, in which I had a child, but that ended 4 years ago. I think my experiences are stopping me from relaxing and just letting the relationship flow, I keep thinking my 'baggage' is too much for him to have to deal with, and when he has his own time I miss him loads. I feel like I'm panicking most of the time!

I think it's great he is willing to spend time with my son too, who thinks he is just great... I just feel insecure and it usually takes about 6 months to a year for me to be able to get used to someone, if it's a friend, new job, boyfriend....

Has anyone experienced this sort of fear? Can anybody help?

Answer 1

You sound just like me, and I have had this same emotional catastrophe for ever. I am with the man I love (he too excepts my child!) and we're going on two years. To be honest, I still feel like the worst will come, like he will leave me. I have come to realize that I have abandonment issues from my past.

My advice is to live every day with enjoyment that it's all good so far. Talk to your partner, after all, a successful relationship begins with open communication. Let him know your feelings. It's not AT ALL baggage, it's normal to feel this way. Once we've been burned, it's extremely hard to let go, and let love.. which is what I think you should aim for. (It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all). If he really is interested in building a relationship with you, he will be patient! (love is patient) and he will try his best to understand.

Yes, you need to just relax.. pray! Give it some faith and hope.. if it's meant to be, you'll see, love finds it's ways and cures the holes we have in our hearts!

Answer 2

  You are a victim of the past and your body is protecting you.  There isn't anything you can do about that but let it happen until you are comfortable.  Your man should understand this, but it is a struggle for him as well.  People handle thing differently.  I think maybe you should talk about it with him.  I find in my own life that it is hard to talk to the ones you love compared to friends or even strangers.  It is a human trait and its really sad but its the way it is.  I know this didn't help much but I wanted you to know that I care and wish you the best of luck.  Don't let anyone ever hurt you..

Answer 3

I think your best bet is to seek out some PROFESSIONAL counseling to deal with your fears!

Abusive relationships are hard to come to terms with on your own a lot of the time. I was involved in an abusive relationship and it still effects ALL of my relationships and friendships today. Counseling has helped a lot with that though.

Answer 4

I also met a wonderful man and couldn't believe my luck!  For months I kept waiting for the "other shoe to drop" because I just KNEW something was going to mess it all up.  I finally accepted it, married him and life has been beautiful ever since!

Answer 5

  The baggage is something you need to deal with it, even if you can stop thinking the negative thoughts about your new relationship, the baggage is still there, just buried, and it will come back up sooner or later.



You don't mention if you ever went to professional counseling for the abuse in the past. If you haven't or it's not something that you can afford being a single parent right now, there is probably a support group that you can join that can help you deal with all your old baggage once and for all.

Everyone has baggage for all different kinds of reasons and it doesn't mean anything bad about that person. Everyone needs help dealing with it. If you can go this route and choose too, your new boyfriend should be supportive and maybe even offer to go with you once you feel comfortable with it.  So don't hide it from him. If it's not something he can deal with, then you'd be better off without him too, and at least you can get rid of the baggage for the next time around. Good luck.  

Answer 6

Life is a marathon not a sprint.

Let things take their time.

Answer 7

he must be a good one because most men aint gonna put up with that c**p

thats one of my biggest pet pieves

a hate people that are timid and afraid

I have NO FEAR!!!!

I JUST DO IT!!!!!!!