I'm in such a dilemma...please help!

Question

Ok I've been with my partner for four years, since I was 14. I love him soooo much, but there is something missing.

A few months ago, I started getting attention from somebody else, which encouraged me to end the relationship. It was awful, he was a mess and unconsciouslly made me feel so guilty - turned up crying at my door, said he couldn't eat, kept throwing up etc etc.

Anyway we got back together, kind of through sympathy but not totally - I did still love him.

We've been fine for a few months, and now I'm getting attention from somebody else who I'm really attracted to. I just want to know what it's like to be with somebody else! I keep thinking about it.

I don't know whether I do want to be with my partner, but just want some time apart to play the field a little, or if it is just time to move on.

I love him so much, but I'm never going to stop wanting to be with somebody else.

If it does come to finishing with my partner, I just don't think I can handle the after math it was the worst thing I've ever had to do, to see somebody I love melt down. I just dont know what to do.

Do you think I should talk to him about it, and suggest we go on 'a break', or just finish the relationship? Or just carry on?

Answer 1

I've been in the same position as you before, and at the same age too so I know how you feel.

Seems to me you have already come to a decision.  There is no point in prolonging the agony as you will both end up miserable.  Tell your guy how you feel and explain that you will not be happy / be able to settle down until you have had a chance to experience single life.

Then you must cut all ties!!  Harsh, I know, but the guilt will eat you up and if you stay in touch you are only giving him hope where there is none.

Answer 2

Ask him for a break..  

Answer 3

you are getting attention from someone else which feels nice to you. but only because it is new and exciting. Give it a few months and you will probably be bored of this new guy and end up wanting your partner back.

Give it time hunny, don't rush into any decisions and see how you feel in a couple of months

Answer 4

i understand fully what your saying but id just have a affair trust me but dont leave no evidence behind and whatever you do dont sleep with him at your house because thats when you get caught.

Answer 5

My sister had a boyfriend. He did make her feel guilty and ended up messing her around. In the end, she kept texting the other boy. Then she went on holiday to Lanzarote with college, got drunk, kissed the boy. Of course she didn't feel right keeping it in, so she told her boyfriend straight that she had feelings for someone else. He didn't want to be with her, obviously upset, but then moved on.  

Answer 6

You don't love him.

You're not even sure you ever really did, now that the conventional wisdom that worked for you as a child no longer means anything as you move toward adulthood.

The truth is, you pity him. And maybe worry about him a little. But it's not love.

You already know you need to dump the love-sick puppy, all you're really looking for here is validation. So here it is: get shot of him. Dump him. Put an end to it, for both your sakes.

You know it makes sense.

But know and understand this: wherever you go, there you are.

You're deluded if you think a change will be a change for the better any more than a change for the worse. Change is just change, and the world is full of love-sick puppies.

That is how life is.

Answer 7

What I learned was that you're everyone only cares about themselves. You shouldn't worry aobut anyone else unless you're married to them.

Answer 8

Look, I've been in a lot of relationships. The number one thing about all of them is that I never changed in any one of them.  So, any guy that you like or pick is always going to be what you want out of a guy.  If the partner that you are with respects you, stay with him.  If he doesn't, then, it is time to move on.  That's all I have to say about that.

Answer 9

Fourteen is far too young to make the decision over the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.  At 14 you must remember you are classed as a child and as we get older so we develop out of being children (well most of us do!).  So its completely natural that neither of you is the same person that you were at 14, its just that girls develop slightly quicker.  So you have simply outgrown him; it was inevitable.  Move on from him, enjoy new friends and partners and understand that change will continue to be inevitable for some years yet.

Answer 10

you got together to young .its normal to want to expierance new things and people you should maybe try explaining how you feel to your partner

Answer 11

if you are attracted to another then there are serious flaws in your relationship as you clearly want to act on the attraction, i think you should end the relationship as it appears that this is just guilt and worry of repurcussions keeping you there, its sad when a relationship comes to an end but it is part of the life process and you are too young to settle with the first love you had,this is clear as you wonder already if this is it! of course he will be upset but you have to be firm and stay clear so he can get over it and make a firm break so you are not tempted to go back out of pity, its not fair on either of you, hopefully he has a strong network of friends and family around to help him and good luck with having a bit of fun,