I'm interested in a co-worker, but I'm a single father. She knows I have 7 kids, and I want to put them first?

Question

But would asking her out to lunch be awkward? she's never been married and has no kids. i've been married once, 7 kids, my wife passed away 4 years ago (my kids are ages 5, 6, 6, 8, 9, 12, and 13). she hasn't met my kids, just seen pictures of them on my desk. my 4 eldest children keep trying to hook me up with random women at wal*mart. or as my son puts it "get your act together before your hair turns gray. then you don't have a chance with NO ONE".my 3 youngest are neutral to the subject but are getting to the "why don't we have a mommy" questions. they were only 1 and 2 when she passed. but i don't know what to do. i like Sheryll, she's a nice lady. and we're not talking marriage here, just lunch. but its only been 4 years. do you think i should wait longer for the kids sake? would just lunch be ok?

Answer 1

I am so sorry for your loss.  

Ask her out.  Your kids want you to be happy so staying single for their sake makes no sense.  Like you said you aren't talking marriage...  just remember that some women are going to want children of their own someday and having 7 kids already you probably aren't likely to want more.

Answer 2

First, I'm so sorry.

Second...  I thought "what's he thinking?"

Third... I came around, this is a totally different circumstance. It's been 4 years, she was taken from you, obviously at a very young age, and I'm so sorry. I think lunch would be good, but probably not with a co-worker. That could get awkward. Is there someone you could meet at church? Some churches offer a singles meeting group. You must have a really good job and/or a really awesome daycare provider!

Good luck to you.

You have a very special Angel watching over you!

Answer 3

Exactly, its just lunch.

Life has to go on, and i am so sorry for your loss. But it has been 4 years. And i'm sure your wife would have wanted you to go on with your life.

It is just lunch. Go out, enjoy your time with your co-worker and take it from there. If it leads to a date, let it, don't panic, don't think twice about it, go for it.

It is about time you do something for yourself, and in a way, you will be doing it for your kids too. I'm sure not having a mother figure is or will effect your children in some way, so you'll be doing it for them. If this woman is the right one for you , go for it. You need to move on.

Answer 4

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CHOOSE A BEST ANSWER FOR ONCE! THESE PEOPLE TRY TO GIVE GOOD ANSWERS AND YOU AREN'T EVEN GRATEFUL ENOUGH TO CHOOSE A BEST ANSWER!  QUIT BEING UNGRATEFUL! CHOOSE A BEST ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

Lunch is fine. Maybe four years is too soon to get married again...but come on, it is just lunch.

Answer 6

Lunch sounds great. I say it "sounds" great.  I understand what you're saying though about putting the kids first.  And they have to come first.  I applaud you for that.  And you have 7 of them!  Wow.  You have a tough road my friend.

Keep in mind that the getting together for lunch thing could lead to something more significant.  Nothing wrong with that.  Nothing at all.  But should you find yourself attracted to this woman she needs to know that you come as a package.  And there in lies the problem.

If you do find there is compatibility and chemistry it will be hard to keep your priorities straight. You'll need to be creative and that may not be as easy as you think.

My biggest concern for you right now is whether or not any woman would be willing or for that matter be able to deal with an instant family of 7 children.  Especially for a woman without prior experience.  Even if she were willing she's asking a lot of herself when it is someone else's kids. Even raising one or two is a challenge.  With 7 you certainly know what it is all about.

Your children love you and want you to be happy.  That's why they're trying to hook you up.  

As difficult as it might seem, you might want to hold off for another 2-3 years until the youngest is at least 8.  The older ones will be 15 and 16 by then and will be more independent- and probably more helpful when it comes to baby  sitting etc.  This will be a big help to you and free you up a little more.

I understand that you need your own emotional tank filled but this may not be the best time.   If you do decide to go "just for lunch" and are able to keep any future get togethers casual and light that would be best at this time in my opinion.  Best of luck to you my friend.

Answer 7

If Sheryll has seen the pictures on your desk, she already knows you have seven children.   It's not like you'd be hiding anything from her.  

Go ahead and ask her to lunch.  If she's afraid to get involved with a man who is so obviously fertile :-) she will just say no.   If she absolutely loves kids, and thinks you're pretty cool too, she'll say yes.   As you said, it's only lunch, not marriage.

And no, four years is not "too soon."  The time is right when you meet the right person.  Don't let the kids make this choice FOR you....do it yourself.     Also, I would not introduce any of your dates to the children until you are pretty sure it's serious.  You don't want the children getting attached to someone, then breaking up with her and breaking their hearts.  They've already lost one mom, and they won't want to lose someone else that becomes important in their lives.

Good luck!!

Answer 8

first - sorry for your lost and way to go DAD! for being what a REAL father is, stepping up when the kids need a parent.

Sure why not ask her out, invite her over for a family movie night.

If your truly into her, and not that your looking for the kids sake, go for it. If she is interested, she'll let you know.

Good luck

Answer 9

go on a family lunch out together. make her adore your kids then u

Answer 10

What a good dad you are!

I did not date for 6plus years after I was divorced. I was pregnant with my 3rd child when I left my marriage and had a 2 and almost 4 year old. After the birth of my 3rd, I went to college for 5 years to finish my degree. I was also working a full time job. At times I worked two jobs.

I only had one relationship prior to my second marriage. That relationship lasted over 3 years and it was very hard when it ended. My children loved him and he was wonderful to us. He never lived with me but it was still hard to see it end.

I waited so long because I was still young and knew that my children needed me much more than I needed a man. Had I not been going to college, I probably would have dated much sooner. But.........if I would have started earlier, I probably would not have met and married my husband of almost 24 years. He is my soul mate and the love of my life. The wait was well worth it.

Good luck to you! You have waited long enough! If this women is patient with you and understands that you will always put your children first, she will be worth it. Stay strong and be happy. That way you will have no regrets.

Always remember that a child's love is unconditional. The same can not be said in many relationships.

Answer 11

lunch would be ok:)..sorry about your loss, also good for you for raising 7 kids...my husband wants a 3rd but i can barely keep up with the 2 we have now!

Answer 12

i think you should ask her out!

my mother passed when i was 8 and my father re-married at about 13...it was great to have a women in my life after that but you have to make sure your kids get along with her and like her!

but you do have to take ur time so do it when your ready...if you find someone you love your kids will follow.  :o)

Answer 13

Lunch is fine. Just don't get her involved with your kids until after it gets a little more serious though (assuming it does). Walking into 7 of them would be intimidating for anyone! Even to me and I'm a single mom lol. But no, you don't need to wait longer for the kids sake- like you said, it's just lunch. Good luck! =]

Answer 14

I think that lunch would be very appropriate. The fact that you are asking is 4 yrs enough shows how much respect and admiration you have for your late wife and for your kids. Timing is appropriate if you feel comfortable with it. You wouldnt want to break down emotionaly while with someone new. Good luck.

Answer 15

Four years of mourning is a testament to your love for your late wife.   No one would doubt that you treasure your wife's memory.    You can begin your search now for another life partner while still honoring your wife's memory.



When you ask a lady out to lunch, you are offering her a compliment.   Whether she says yes, or no, you have complimented her and there is nothing to feel awkward about.  

Since she is your coworker and you are interested in dating, make sure you are aware of your employer's policy on coworkers dating.   Neither of you should be in a position of authority over the other, and it is generally better if you are in different departments.

Lunch is perfectly OK.   A lunch date is more casual than a dinner date, so it is a perfect low pressure way to get to know someone better.    

You're on the right track.   It has been four years.  That is long enough.   It's just lunch, not a marriage proposal.   The kids are telling you they want you to be open to the possibilities.   Just be honest with your kids about how you feel, that you are nervous, that you worry it is too soon, that you worry about how it will affect your kids.   Just knowing that you care about them, and how this affects them, is the important thing.  That way, they know that if things are not working out, they can tell you and you can talk about it and solve any problems.   let life happen.

By the way, you still have a chance when your hair turns gray.  My grandmother remarried when she was in her sixties, and so did my husband's mother.  In some ways, it's easier, because people are older and have a better idea of what they want.

Answer 16

7 kids? omg!

Answer 17

Go for it! Your kids are noticing that you need a life too.  Be careful with the co-worker due to you do work with her and she might feel ackward around you if she turns you down for lunch.  So be ready for that.  It seems like you are ready ( and the kids) to get out there on the dating scene.  Of course your not talking marriage yet but lunch!  Good luck and hope it works out for you.

Answer 18

go for it. The happier you are the happier it makes your kids. you deserve it!!!! GOOD LUCK!