I'm lonely and I don't like my life anymore. Is committing suicide a good idea? How do I make myself happier?

Question

Hi

I'm 18 I'm straight I'm a guy and I'm fed up with my life. That's mostly because of my future 'vision'. I kind of hate my country (Poland, sorry) and I give it 99 percent that I'm not gonna have any fun in my life for the next 15 years.

I'm not some kind of an idiot, I go to the best school in my city, I know English, German and Italian and I'm going to study medicine. That actually pisses me off, because now I have the last year in high school and all I'm gonna do for the next (at least) 10 years is that I'm going to learn. Learn. Learn. And learn. And learn.

The worst part is, I don't even think that being a doctor is interesting. It's just the wisest decision and the most interesting profession I can choose right now. I wanted to be an architect but really just look at my drawings and you'll see that 'want' doesn't equal 'can'. The same with car designing, plus getting such a job almost equals the word 'impossible'. Or I could be a punk rock musician. (Yeah, how about becoming an astronaut? That's equally probable)

So there's no other way than studying medicine. But it wouldn't be that bad if I wouldn't have to sit in front of my desk learning some boring stuff like forever. Just to become a doctor. Just to get a job that's only OK.

Maybe it also wouldn't be so bad in the US, but I live in Poland and I'd need a green to live in the US and it's almost impossible for a Pole (wow I never realized that they call us poles! that's like calling somebody a p***s) to get a green card. It wouldn't be so bad beacuse I would at least make a lot of money. Not here in Poland. I already know that I will never be able to afford, for example, a new BMW 5-series in a dealership. I will have to look for some sort of a used car in Germany. I won't have a big house and I'm won't be able to pay for cool vacation for my whole family. It's just embarassing.

The next thing is, I will probably never ever find a girlfriend. When I know somebody, I don't have problems with talking to that person, I have friends but it's impossible for me to start talking to a girl I've never met before. (Not that I'm ugly - not boasting around and according to my friends - girls find me hot.) I feel bad being lonely. I hate it. I suffer when I see my friends hanging out with their girlfriends. My guitar or my computer cannot replace a girl but that's what I'm trying to do.

You probably think by now that I'm a mentally ill pervert but I'm not and please, please read to the end.

My parents are good to me (although they're pissing me off very often) and so is the rest of my family and we have enough money.

But the vision of living in Poland and suffering every day 1. because I'd rather be a musician 2. I'm lonely 3. I earn like a charlady in the US 4. I live in an ugly city is just killing me. It's just not how I wanted my life to be. And I also don't want it do it to my (if I won't kill myself and find a girl) future kids that they will also live in Poland.

Whenever I try to be happy and just not care what others think and just live my life like I want to, whenever I'm thinking about good stuff, like playing my guitar, skateboarding, hanging out with my friends, what I get is 'Yeah, dream big kid but you're going to spend the most of your life sitting in your room and not having free time'

Thinking good or seeing movies e.g. filmed in California just lead me to serious depressions which I get pretty often.

I'm also not going to tell my parents or a psychologist. They'll think I'm crazy and I don't want them to be sad just because I'm sad.

That's not my whole story but I don't want to write a book here lol

The only thing in my life that stopped me from committing suicide in the last year was my little brother. I just love him, he is soooooo cool. But now he's going to school and I don't wanna see how it's slowly but effectively killing him. So that's why I think that committing suicide would be actually very wise. That would be the end of all my problems. I wouldn't have to see my brother suffer. I wouldn't have to care about anything anymore. How cool.And the best thing is, my grandfather has a gun!

What do you think about killing myself? I personally think it's better that being emo or drinking.

Or do you have any idea how to make my life better, how can I be happier? (because I really think that life can be excellent it just doesn't work for me)

Thanks and please help!

Answer 1

No suicide is not the answer to anything!

You have many talents.   Many teens have no idea of anything they want to do for a career.  You just haven't made up your mind yet, and that is OK.

You have so much potential with all the thinking you are doing trying to figure out what you want out of life.  You can really go a long way to greatness.

I understand about the depression.  It is not a fun thing at all.  You are just trying tofigure out so much all at once.  Give yourself more time this last year of high school to figure out the next step in your schooling and career.

I always pray for answers, and try to lean on God for His help.  He is always there for me.

Answer 2

Wow I was just browsing Yahoo Answers just because I was bored.  I come across your article here and it portrays my life almost exactly.  I do you one better however, my mother is a psychiatrist... so talking about me being sad is pretty much not an option, also considering we live in a very small town and she is like the only psychiatrist here.  About the girl thing, I am in love with my sister's best friend, and she will jokingly "creeper" on me kinda as a joke. Not to say girl's don't find me attractive I just don't see myself going anywhere with any of them. So when I found out that My sister's best friend doesn't really like me like that, that was pretty much when I snapped and now it feels like I can never really be happy.  On top of all that is going on in my life I just found out yesterday that I was fired from the movie theatre that I worked at for no apparent reason. So I called the owners and they said they sent a letter to me, told me to read it, and call them a different time i guess.... I still have yet to get this letter (I already checked the mail today) but it wasn't the best job anyways i guess.  The right thing to tell you is not to kill yourself, however since I too think I am better off dead I guess it doesn't really mean a lot coming from me.  

My school starts next week, and I really really don't like it at all.  I have an older sibling who excels academically, so it will always be like I am in the shadow.  

So I guess in conclusion while I didn't really "answer" your question maybe you can fine solace that someone else is going through the same thing you are... and I am hoping for things to get better for the both of us.

Answer 3

if you kill yourself, and you fail, you would be really crippled. i've thought of suicide too, but i've also read stories of failed suicides (even by gunshot). do yourself a favor and not think about suicide. it will add more problems to your life. i keep thinking about suicide, and how it's a great option. now, i think about it every night (including cutting myself).

i'm around your age too, and i am studying medicine as well, but because i want to, and because i find it interesting. if you want to be a doctor, make sure you like the stuff enough to go through years of learning to become one. it's very hard to study something you do not like.

as for girlfriend, you will get a girlfriend eventually. you have friends. you can ask them to introduce you to a girl they know...

instead of seeing your brother suffer through school, can you help him instead of being an observer?

if you hate the city so much, drive out of your city and hang out some other place - like a weekend vacation. you have to think: do you hate the city because of the people and the way they act? do you hate the city because of the landscape (too many buildings? too smoggy?) try to figure out what is bugging you about the city, and fix it.

as for movies...i've never had a good friend before, but when i see movies with characters having really good friends, sometimes i feel sad and i wonder if something like that close friendship really exists in the real world. to me, watching those movies gives me hope that i would meet a good friend one day. maybe instead of seeing films from America in despair, see it as hope.

and in America, I've never heard someone call a person from Poland a Pole. xD I've always called them Polish. :)

Answer 4

Suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem. I know how tempting the idea is (I've been there) and how it could solve all your problems. But please talk to someone (perferably a psychiatrist) about your feelings. You might actually want to be comitted to a hospital for a few days....then you'll see how messed up people really are... That's what stoppped me...

Good luck and please feel free to email.

Answer 5

You know, I was there before. I also didn't want anything to do with God. I saw people with more joy in their lives than I thought possible and they gave God the credit for it. It didn't matter the circumstances, they had joy and peace. They loved others and themselves.

I became a Christian because I wanted that so much. I'm here to tell you that it works. I don't know exactly how, but it does and I'm totally changed. Not all of my problems went away. Some did, but the main point is I can now handle them better.

What do you have to lose? I encourage you to check out www.Godlovestheworld.com  

Answer 6

Fristly please don't kill yourself. This will just hurt others more than anything. Can you imagine how devastated your little brother would if the guy he looked up to in the world took his own life.

Your answer is also not going to be found on Yahoo! Answers please take the others advice and talk to someone like a psychiatrist.

Girls are not the most important thing, there is someone out there for you you just haven't found them yet. Don't panic, i haven't found my guy yet but he'll come one day. Try to stop looking and she might come along!

In regards to your career don't do anything that will make you un happy. It seems your making yourself feel worse by doing something you don't want to do. You don't have to go to America to try something new. If you speak ENglish or Italian to try there!! The joy of the EU's freedom of movement!!! Try re-applying to university to do somethign other than medicine, why not apply to uni in another country!!!???  Or take a year off before you go to university and travel! see some of the world and you might find your calling!

Best of luck! and talk to someone!!!

Answer 7

You are not looking outside your little box you live in. The world is a huge place, there are so many opportunities for you to do anything you want. Do you realize how many people come to the US to go to college? Have you looked into it? You can find a fun job doing anything. I moved to Alaska for 4 months and worked in a hotel gift shop. I got to hike and camp and see so many incredible things. I think i'm going to go work at a ski resort this winter. You can go do whatever you want to do.

Check out www.coolworks.com and you can find crazy cool jobs anywhere. Ask your guidance counselor in school about study abroad opportunities. There are so many things you can do to change your situation. Nothing is ever bad enough to take your life. Make some changes, and your life will change :) Good luck to you!

Answer 8

Don't do it because of your little brother. If you truly love him, imagine how he would feel without you. Don't be a doctor. Do what you want. You don't need to be great at drawing to be an architect. They have CAD for that type of thing! Come to the US, but nothing says it will be any better here. My husband has a wonderful job as a Landscaper and we still struggle. Life is a struggle if it was easy then no one would be poor, or without a gf/bf! Kids wouldn't suffer daily, etc. Life sucks. That is just how it is. Everyone has issues. Everyone has problems. You are young still. Things will get better eventually! It just takes time and determination.  

Answer 9

There is more to life than throwing your life away for a future that you may think is bleak. Have you ever thought that there are many children and less unfortunate people who are dying to trade your place?

I presume what you need is to travel and see the world, you depend on the movies (hollywood movies) and believe that only USA is the only country that exists. You are just going through a depression. It is just a phase. I suggest you make more online friends from around the world. You will be surprise what you discover and learn from those new friends.

For a start, apply www.facebook.com . I'll assure you will get to know more new friends.

If you would like to be discovered as a musician, you can make a video of your performance and download it in youtube or myspace.com

You could be the next big thing!

Answer 10

Move.  Get out.  Change your paradigm.

Answer 11

"What do you think about killing myself? I personally think it's better that being emo"

You complain about everything, talk about killing yourself, and you want to be a musician, you sound pretty damned emo to me.