I'm made poem called Vampires please rate and tell me what you think!

Question

Vampires

Vampires are dark shadows lurking in the night

You will never see them in the sunlight

They drink blood more than anyone should

If they can drink blood they maybe I could

If you see a vampire tell him I said hi

but your last words might be goodbye

Answer 1

well poems are a bit longer and it felt like you were just telling me a fact that i already knew try something more dramatic make a build do something to inspire a reader to read the poem.

best of luck

*cierra*

Answer 2

This seems more like an answer to an essay question than a poem because each line is a statement.

Use your talent to breathe life into these lifeless creatures -- paint them with your words. Don't use the same noun more than once in the poem -- this will drive your creativity.

You have talent -- and I would love to see the rewrite.

T.

Answer 3

The poem isn't too bad, but somehow doesn't seem to be finished.  I am guessing that you intentionally made it rhyming, however poems don't always have to rhyme.  I would suggest that you have a read of it and see if you can add another verse to it.  I do like what is there currently.

Best Wishes

Answer 4

A poet only writes well when s/he knows what they are writing about.

You don't seem to know much about vampires (most of your statements are simply wrong) - so your poem doesn't make a lot of sense.

It is well-put together - like a clever four-year-old explaining how a car-engine works.