I'm mentoring an 11-year old girl and I'm about ready to back out of the program. Any advice?

Question

I recently joined a mentoring group, sort of like big brothers, big sisters. I had originally requested a girl between the ages of 6-9 because that's the age group I'm most comfortable with, and have the most experience with. They decided to put me with an older girl because I'm younger then most mentors they thought it would be nice for her to have like a big sister type. I thought it would be okay, but there's not much to do with a pre-teen girl that doesn't involve money. On our last outing, was one of the worst days of my life, i spent almost 100 dollars and had a horrible time. I'm at the point where i want to get an new child or drop out of the program completely. She's grateful, she has fun, but she's selfish and inconsiderate and I don't know how to handle that.

Answer 1

you didn't get into this to just have fun.you got into it to help shape a child that needs shaping. Look at what kind of person she could become and help her find her way. Do something good for others, with the environmental problems and hurricanes and other crisis's going on now days why don't you two do some volunteering together?

Answer 2

I had the same problem when i volunteered to take in foster children.  They wanted me to take the most difficult children.  I needed to ease into it.  I wanted someone i could handle.  It overwhelmed me to have an  unhappy child who was endlessly demanding.

I think you have to promise yourself that you will be true to yourself.  If something is driving you crazy, don't continue doing it.  Ask for a 6 year old.

Answer 3

The idea was to mentor the child, not entertain her.  Did you give any though to just taking her someplace quiet and having a long talk?

Answer 4

If you are ready to give up this early, perhaps you are not prepared to be a mentor. However, children should not be treated as disposable.  You wanted to have a positive impact on the life of a child, & instead, you are considering dropping her because she is acting like a child.

I recommend you work on your relationship & your own sense of self-interest.  Caring about someone (even if you have to fake it in the beginning) doesn't take a lot of money.  How about making a batch of brownies together?  Make some popcorn & watch a funny movie.  Go to the playground & sit on the swings & have girl-talk.  Put together a homemade Halloween costume.  Throw a slumber party together or bake a pizza.  Start a scrapbook to commemorate your times together.  Visit the library or meet her friends.  Above all, be a great LISTENER.

Do you want a life is full of challenges, or one filled with regrets?  Make this important relationship work for both of you.  Do good things.  As Tim Gunn would say, "Make it work!"

Answer 5

i bet she'd like to talk. Try staying home one day, or going out for a walk and talk to her about the music she likes, celebrities, and what's going on with her friends & stuff.

And if you do go out to a mall or somewhere, and she wants to get something, just say "OoO..that's too expensive, i can't buy that" or something like that and she might realize that she can't keep having you buy her stuff.

She Might feel bad if you ask for another kid, or dropp out. She'll feel like  you didn't like her. :-(

Good Luck!

Answer 6

The mentoring relationship is dependant on mutual trust and clear boundaries. Don't give up, (you should have some kind of supervisor you can discuss this with.) You need to explain that you need to try new activites. Make an inexpensive packed lunch, go for a bike ride or indulge in some photography ( or something else) and try to get the young person to work as part of a team pointing out that you both need and deserve respect.

Don't Quit, Good Luck.