I'm never good enough anymore. I never was. ?

Question

So I have the perfect older sister who was in the top 10 in her class in high school, who got near perfect scores on all her SAT, was the 1st chair in 1st violin section for anything orchestra related, never did anything wrong, and got into UVA. Me on the other hand, while I am get perfect As in school, have gotten suspended from middle school, got my lip pierced, did everything wrong, can't even get into SODA (which my sister got into) and can get only 1st chair for first violin section for easy orchestra activities. I'm never good enough for my mom and I always s***w up. A lot of times I feel like it's all because of a misunderstanding. My mom will pick at stuff and I'll have explanations but I can never bring myself to give them to her because whenever I do so, she always huffs and thinks I'm making total bullsh.t up to get out of trouble.

I don't know what to do. Talking with her has never worked in the past and I should know seeing I've been with her for 16 years. Can anyone give me any advice?

Answer 1

Dont get yourself down. Just because you make some mistakes doesnt mean you're not worth anything. NOBODYS PERFECT! Not even your sister who tends to be. THink about the things you can do and your special abilites. And if you still feel this way, get involved in a local church for activites. There are a lot or supportive people there, even the big man upstairs ;).

As for your mom, I know how you feel. Having a mom wanting you to do better when what you are doing is alright. She probably thinks she can change you into the "perfect" person, but she is wrong. This is mostly due to the fact that she has insecurities and think she can live her life through you. But be stern and don't let her critiizisms get you down. In the end she will realize that she has NO right to judge you on your decisions. Be yourself. In the end thats all that matters.

Answer 2

Don't worry about being good enough for anyone. Stop seeking approval from others. Decide what is good enough for you. You should set your own standards and then try to meet them. Do not set unreasonable standards and become overly perfectionistic. Do not measure yourself against your sister. There are more people in the world than your sister.

Also, this may not be true of your mother, but beware that mothers were once children themselves. In my mother's family she was the younger sibling and she was tormented by her older brother. I was the oldest sibling, so she continually tormented me and favored my younger brother. Your mother could be doing something equally sick.  

Answer 3

well to begin with i don't think you should ever compare yourself to others. I've heard so many times "don't compare yourself to others. instead better yourself. it is because we're different that we are special". there is nothing wrong with you. you're just going through a rough patch with your mother. if you actually make an effort to get to understand your mothers feelings, and not just try to get your point across only. i'm sure you both can come to an understanding. a truely good mom never wants to put their kids down. she always wants what is best for her kids, 'cause no matter what she says and what she does she will always love you because you are her child.

Answer 4

your not your sister.. you need to let your mom know that.

nobody is the same.

so what if you got your lip pierced, and if you got suspended in middle school.

that isnt on your records and just becuase you did that doenst mean you will be a homeless when your older!

i know how the mom thing works, only its kinda opposite.

my parents think im the perfect little girl, i used to get striaght A's and such. my older sister was always compared.

every fight we have i let them know how me and my sister ARENT THE SAME.

and that my mom needs to understand were different. if talking doenst work,

try writing IM NOT HER, MY NAMES ___________ NOT ______

on a paper really big everytime she tries compareing you with her.



goodluck.

your mom is just used to seeing perfect from your sister,

and thinks 'why cant she do the same?'

Answer 5

hey you don't seem too bad to me ~_~, i mean i'd be impressed with straight A's :D, but to tell you the truth...i don't think you should focus on trying to make your mother proud forever. If you've tried and tried but cant seem to win her...then i don't think there is a point in trying anymore, teens like this get so sucked up into winning their parents praise and everything that they don't have the time to grow anymore as their own individual. Impressing your mom wont get you into college...~_~. believe me, a lot of other people have gotten worse than just being suspended in middle school or got their lips pierced. Mom's are like that when they have stuck around on a favorite child, they spend so much of their effort into praising them that they don't have enough positive outlook for the other children who seem to excel at a lower rate.

I'm exactly like you...just probably more disappointing. talking with my mother never worked either, trying to be better for her never made her like me for a long period of time. And whenever i s***w up, she's just like "i knew it...its expected of you...". so you know what...right now i do everything for ME. when i want to excel, its not because of her, its because i want to have a good future for myself. Sure a mother's love can help ease the journey, but its not required. if it seems like she can never warm up to you and be proud of you for anything then stop trying, your just throwing away effort that you can put into something else. prove her wrong prove everyone wrong, your not a s***w up and you can make it. did you know that only 2% of billionaires all over the world passed high school...only 2%, the rest of them failed. what more with you, your getting A's, that should ensure an even brighter future.

this is just my point of view, stop trying to win her anymore, I'm 16 too and a guy, and its really frustrating. All im saying now is that your wasting your time, do things not because of your parents, but because you want it for YOU.

hope i helped

Answer 6

well, it seems like your trying to win a fight you can't win. please try to remember that out of a huge amount of people, there were less than 10 in her school that could posibly beat her. that doesn't mean though, that your not good enough. just keep moving forward and you'll be fine. strait A's arn't easy after all

Answer 7

FIRST OF ALL DARLING NO ONE IS EVER BORN THE SAME. WE ARE WHO WE ARE AND THERE IS NO WAY OF GOING AROUND THAT. THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO IS TRY AND MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES FOR YOU AS YOU GET OLDER AND GROW TO BECOMING AN YOUNG ADULT.

IF YOU FEEL THAT MOM IS BEING TO HARD ON YOU THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD SIT DOWN WITH HER AND TALK TO HER. COMMUNICATION IS ALWAYS THE KEY! SET YOUR MIND TO WHAT YOU WANT AND NOT TRY TO BECOME ANYTHING ELSE LIKE ANYBODY. I UNDERSTAND THAT  - THAT IS YOUR SISTER AND YEAH SHE MIGHT BE DOING GREAT BUT YOUR GREAT AT OTHER THINGS AS WELL. SO DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF. SOMEONE WHO HAS TOO MUCH LOW-SELF ESTEEM CAN MAKE YOU FEEL DOWN.

SO BE EASY AND TRYING TALKING TO MOM AND EXPRESS TO HER HOW YOU FEEL.

BTW SORRY I AM WRITING IN CAPS BUT I AM NOT SHOUTING. :)

Answer 8

All in All, there will always be a sibling better than yourself in any family.  Trying to be like your sister sets you up to be compared by her.  In my own experience I was the rebel and did everything differently.  Instead of picking up the Clarinet or some other band instrument, I picked up the guitar.  With everything my sisters did, I was the opposite.  The Yin to there Yang.  (corny, I know.)  Best thing to tell you is that your not like your sister.  As much as the world seems to look down at you, you gotta remember your are an individual and with that you are special in your own unique way.