I'm not in the wedding,should I ask why?

Question

This friend of mine is getting married in the near future and I wasn't asked to be in her wedding. We were like best friends before her and her husband to be met(they've been dating under a year)! I thought for sure that I would be in her wedding-FOR SURE!! I am so hurt by this and it has really made me think differently of her. I don't even like talking to her anymore because of it. When she first got engaged I jokingly said, " so I'm in the wedding right?" and she just changed the subject! I just want to know why she would do this to me. Its insulting..and the funny part about all of it is that if I were to get married and not have her in my wedding she wouldn't understand why. Now she wants me to go to her bridal shower?! What the f!? I don't get it..how do I get answers for this? Would you go to her bridal shower? I feel like shes only inviting me so she can get a gift out of me!

Answer 1

give her a call and ask whats happened to your friendship,,, tell her that you took it personal that your not in the wedding party and you want to understand what happened. just be honest and frank with her.  

Answer 2

Look, let's be realistic about this. Since she met this man for some reason you've drifted apart. It happens. Go to the shower and take her some dish cloths and tea towels and thank your lucky stars. Now you don't have to pay for a cheaply made dress that is not to your taste and that you'll never in a million years use again. You don't have to pay for the shower, or any other festivities of the sort. You also don't have to be at her beck and call and listen to her whine about how it's "her day". Go to the wedding or send your regrets--better yet send your regrets and use the gift money for a weekend away with a real friend.

Answer 3

If you had an agreement that you would be in each others wedding's, then ask her what has changed.  As someone said, she could be having no bridal party, small bridal party &/or only enough space for family attendants.

Regardless of her response and even though you are hurt, you have to step back and ask yourself "Would you really want to miss celebrating her bridal shower with her?  If the answer is yes, then decline and decline the wedding invitation too (if you receive one).  This is her time and she should be surrounded by people who are truly happy for her.  It you really believe you were invited solely to 'get a gift out of you', then you have your decision.

Answer 4

Yes I would ask why, that's the only way your going to find out..Just come out point blank and ask her how  come you are not in the wedding.Explain to her that you just taught that  being best friends and all that you would be in the wedding for sure.. May be  she will have a good answer maybe she just wants family members you' ll never know the reason until you ask.

Answer 5

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt but I don't think it's appropriate to ask her why she didn't ask you. Maybe you could ask her why she choose the girls she did - and the reasons may have nothing to do with you. Maybe she stuck with family - and at least if you know what she was thinking you might feel better.

You need to decide if it's worth giving up the friendship over. If you still want to be friends, hold your head high and go to the wedding and shower. Otherwise, send your regrets.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I think you're being pathetic.

Family members, sisters and childhood friends come first and if you're not talking to her because of this than I think she made the right decision.

LOL "why would she do this to me?" are you serious? It's her wedding!!!!

Why are you acting like such a spoiled brat?

Get over yourself. I wouldn't bother going to the shower if you can't be happy for her.  

Answer 7

You shouldnt ask her. I think you should try to see the position she is in. Some people have small wedding parties. Some people only ask family. And it sounds like you were best friends up until about a year ago, and are not now. She might have chosen the people she is closest to now, not in the past.

Dont be offended, and dont take it out on her. Be happy for her!

**I didnt ask my two best friends to be in my wedding because I asked my two sisters and wanted to keep the bridal party small. My friends didnt care, they were happy for me. Real friends dont play t*t for tat.

Answer 8

I think you're wrong to feel so entitled.

Sure, she's your friend, but it's not your place to assume you're in her wedding.  You're only making the situation more complicated and awkward by making her feel uncomfortable.  She has a lot of stress on her plate without you begging to be in her wedding party.

Graciously attend the shower and the wedding and be thankful that you're one of the people she loves so much that she wants to attend her wedding!  

Answer 9

Take another look at the situation:

1. You now can wear a dress to the wedding that you like and can afford! There is the possibility that she didn't think you could afford what she has in mind. Maybe not, who knows.

2. You now can pick and choose when to arrive and when to leave. Bridal party is required to stay for the whole proceedings.

3. Did you really want to have to chip in for her bridal shower, her bachelorette party, gifts are expected from you for all of them (there may be more than the one shower you are invited to) as well.

4. You may be her former BFF, but do you want the phone calls at 1am when she's freaking because the color of the napkins aren't the exact color of the flowers?

5. Could it be the groom isn't fond of you? Think about it, you were friends up until he came on the scene. You also don't have to worry about her being jealous if the groom smiles at the bridal party at rehearsal.

There are good points to not being asked to be in the wedding. I say wait until you see who actually is in the wedding before you get your knickers in a bunch!

Answer 10

Your friend may have not included you in the wedding because of many reasons.  Perhaps she only wants family in the Bridal Party and decided to not have friends to avoid hurt feelings.

You are all adults now.  You have been invited to the Bridal Shower because she included your name on her list of invitees.  You have a choice:  fester your unconfirmed feelings and avoid the shower, or join in her happiness and future by attending the shower.

It's your choice -- do you wish to be childish or take the more adult approach?

Answer 11

No, keep your mouth shut. However important you are to her, she has a lot of people in her life. People need to make tough decisions when planning a wedding party. I am sure it was nothing against you, she just may have felt tat if she didn't ask the people she did she would hurt more feelings. I am sure she had lots of people ask her to be a bridesmaid, I had people asking me to be in my wedding in high school!  It would probably make her feel bad to call her out on it, and it would be rude to put her in that uncomfortable situation. This day is supposed to be about her and her future husband. The bride does the asking, it was rude to put her in that situation early on and it would be rude to do it again. I am sure she is under enough pressure, be a good friend and ask what you can do to help instead of adding to the stress!

Answer 12

wow, calm down. a lot of brides just have family in their bridal party. or friends that they've known forever. have you guys known each other long??  a bride picks whomever she feels closest to. you said so yourself that you haven't been best friends since her and her husband-to-be met, so apparently she has other friends that she feels closer to. it doesn't mean you're not still her friend, of course you should go ot the bridal shower! and NO you should not ask her why you're not in the wedding!

Answer 13

The last wedding I went to had just a single maid of honor and a best man.  The bride has two sisters and a lot of friends, but in the end she chose her oldest friend to be her maid.  Her sisters were totally fine with her decision, and as far as I know, so were her friends.  They paid for their own wedding, and every attendant adds expenses in things like flowers, transportation, and wedding party gifts, and this only holds true if the couple elects not to pay for the party's attire and other things.

You made an assumption (a bad one) and now you're taking it personally.  While you can ask about why you weren't included it will likely just make her very uncomfortable.  It would be more appropriate to ask her if she had made it known previously that you would be in her wedding party, and seems to have changed her mind.  Otherwise, you should try to be a grown-up about this and accept that her plans were not able to include all her friends.

Answer 14

It would be incredibly rude to ask your friend why you are not in the wedding. She is not required to ask all of her friends to be in it or explain to them why they're not. You are being very childish.

Answer 15

Who is she having in the wedding party?  is it just family?  sisters or cousins?  or did she ask her other friends and completely leave you out?  if its an all family kind of thing then you need to accept it.  if not then I would just tell her you feel a little hurt that she didnt ask you.  Its never ok to just out and say "why am I not in your wedding?"  but to sit down over coffee with her and tell her that you are a little hurt is not entirely wrong.  I had some friends do that with my wedding and I explained that I could only have a MOH...thats all that would fit the chapel and my budget and they understood in the end I picked a high school friend.  Talk to her before you make a decision on the shower though.  if after talking you feel its still all about the gift then skip it as she isnt being a true friend.  if however you feel you understand where she is coming from then go and give something you can afford.

Answer 16

consider yourself lucky weddings suck

Answer 17

I can't believe everyone on here is saying not to ask her the reason why you aren't in the bridal party. It's not like you have to be mean about it, just say, "I was hoping to be in your bridal party, but I'm not. I'm kind of bummed." If it stresses her out, just assure her that you are happy for her no matter what her decision is, and ask her questions about the wedding plans. Tell her that you just wanted to make sure that the two of you are still friends, and that you didn't do anything to upset her. Then offer to help her if she needs it.

There are tons of reasons why she might not have asked you. Maybe she thinks you don't like her fiancee. Maybe she doesn't want to burden you with all the costs of being in the bridal party. Maybe it's family members being in the bridal party.

Who knows? But what I do know is that if it is bugging you, you should talk to her about it. Not to stress her out or demand to be in the wedding party, but just to clear things up. Otherwise, it's just going to sit there and fester, and you are going to get more and more hurt and agitated.

Relationships are about open communication. If she is your friend, you should be able to have a frank and honest discussion with her.

I wonder if the women on here answering also play these types of loser mind-games with their own spouses and boyfriends. People are not mind-readers. Just have an honest, calm discussion. No demands. Reassure her you are still friends, and then go to her bridal shower.