I'm not sure how to feel and worried what this will do to me...

Question

my brother has dyspraxia, which involves peoblems with co-ordination, speech and learning problems. he's had lots of trouble at his primary school and is about to move to secondary school. the trouble is, my mum feels very passionatly about it and can sometimes talk about it for ages. this makes me a my sister feel so left out and usually sparks fights and arguments between us.

i do feel sympathetic towards him, but sometimes when mum is talking, i just feel like i wish he wasn't here, tht he didn't exsist, the trouble is then i end up hating myself for thinking such horrible things. this worries me because in the past i have got very depressed, and i'm woriied tht this might tip me over the edge again.

i've tried looking online for help about this, but all i can find is support for the child and the parents of dyspraxic children, nothing for the siblings.

i guess, i'm trying to ask whether, anybody else feels like this towards siblings or if there r anyparents who have other kids without dysrpaxia and have any ideas about how to get this idea across to my mum.

Answer 1

I grew up in a house with 4 other siblings. The middle child - my sister was born mentally disabled. She is in her late 40s now and functions at about a 2-3 year old level. So I can relate to where you're coming from because I've been there too.

There were definitely times when I resented my sister and wish that she did not exist - especially when she'd have fits in public or when she'd destroy my things. I would sometimes feel sorry for myself and ask "why me?".

As the years went by, I dealt with it - baby sat her from the time I was 8 until she went to live in an institution when I was about 15 or so. We were all ready for a break.

As you get a little older, you will look back on all of this as a learning and growing experience - one that has had an impact on who you become. For me, I see it as a positive experience that is unique to most people's experience. It gives me a different perspective on life. It also teaches you how to cope with those around you who are different.

Turns out one of my own kids was born with cerebral palsy. He is much smarter than my sister, but it was a challenge getting him the therapy he needed in order to chew food, swallow, sit up straight, crawl, walk, talk, etc. He's more independent now, and no doubt that is what your mother is hoping for your brother. Sometimes its a fight to get the services a special needs child requires. It is time consuming.

There is no getting around what your mom needs to do for her son, but you could talk with her and express your exasperation and wish for a change of focus once in a while. Maybe you could suggest a "day with mom day".

Make the most of it. Grow and learn. Love your brother. Love yourself. Love your mom for doing the best she can for him. You may need to be a bit more independent than you'd like, but this will only make you grow.