I'm not sure if I should get married?

Question

I've been going out with this really nice guy for awhile now. He has a sweet smile and he seems to really love me. I thought I loved him too, because why shouldn't I? He doesn't turn me off, and even though he doesn't really turn me on, his smile always pulls me in.

He proposed recently, and I told him I need to think.

I'm terrified. When I think about being married to him forever, I start crying - I feel like I'm losing something. I feel like maybe I can do better. I'm a really deep person, and I feel like maybe I need someone really deep, too.

He doesn't make me laugh very often, though I often smile when I'm with him. He doesn't make my heart race. I didn't fall in love with him at first sight. Instead, I learned to like him because he is a genuinely good person. I feel like if I throw this away, if I reject him, I'll be throwing away a perfectly good chance at being happy forever.

On the other hand - I'm not sure I love him. How can I be sure? I can dimly picture him in my future, but like I said, I then start crying. When I'm with him I'm fine, but as soon as I'm away from him I have doubts that this relationship is going to work.

And not that this is terribly important, but our star signs our incompatible, too.

So should I marry him? Why or why not?

Answer 1

You should never marry someone unless you are 100% sure.  Just think-- most people who get married think they are perfect for each other, but the divorce rate is still 40%.  

Answer 2

I had a very very similar experience to you. But I broke up few weeks ago. It didn't work. But in your case, it might. One condition for this is, is he a really nice man?

My ex bf seemed really nice guy (down to earth with his smile all that) but turned out to be a careless liar, ego mania and verbal abuser. That was my worst experience.

I think you should give yourself a fixed time (ex. 1 month or 2 month) to study about him, whether he could be your forever partner.

If you think you are not or not sure, then just withdraw everything. It's better for your life.

Answer 3

i would try this if your interested

if you have to ask this question then the answer is no!

yep that simple!

if you asked How can i be sure!!  When you don't have to ask that question then you know he is the one!

with you asking these questions i'm going to say No and the reason why is above!

Good luck sweetie!

Answer 4

Sounds like you have a very good friend.. but not a husband as of yet.. Maybe you should not get married at this time.. Give yourself time to decide and do not rush into anything..  

Answer 5

It sounds to me like you need to wait. there's no point in rushing to get married. If he loves you, he will wait until your ready. Marriage is a very big commitment that people take for granted everyday. so take your time, focus on your career, having fun with friends, learning new things and finding yourself. who you are and what you want. **goodluck** chica!

Answer 6

I think you know in your heart that you don't really want to be married to this person, even though he's a nice person.  Someone once told me this - that I was asking the question even though I already knew the answer in my heart.  I just wanted someone to verify what I already knew.  I think this is true in your case also.  Tell him you are not ready to be engaged right now, even though you think he's a wonderful person.  Good luck.

Answer 7

I'd take a break and see if you still feel this way after ...you are NOT ready to make any commitment just yet with you being this unsure....

THINK about this ....you are out shopping and across the way you see him with another woman and small child laughing and being really happy together (this is not a cheat idea but what if he was no longer with you idea)...how do you feel? You could meet someone who rocks your world...do you want that chance? How long do you wait for this....Is he suppose to wait forever for you to make up your mind or do you give him a time when you will decide for sure....He doesn't want to be someone you settled for....Think real hard.....How much time  and how many relationships have you had....ASK yourself IS HE THE ONE?   then why are you crying....you don't seem ready today to make this commitment so take some time and explore these thoughts....

It's a big step and a life commitment....CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT HIM AND HOW DO YOU FEEL IF HE FINDS SOMEONE ELSE?

Think hard and long ...this is both of your lives....good luck

Answer 8

Sounds to me like no, you shouldnt marry him. You are not totally happy and if you are going to spend the rest of your lives together, you need to be ecstatic about that!

Maybe you should spend some time apart and see how you feel being single and maybe with someone else. If you are happier like that, it proves that you were not meant to be together!

Answer 9

These thoughts your having aren't just there for no reason...you really need to take some time to think about this, because you don't want to go in asking yourself "is this the right thing" because then you'll be more likely for divorce. When i was proposed to there was no question about it, and i think that's how it should be. You need to give yourself some time. And maybe a break would help you to rediscover who you are and what you really want. And who knows...maybe in that time you'll meet the one who will always sweep you off your feet :)

Good luck!!

Answer 10

No, you shouldn't, at least not at this time.  At the point you have any doubts the answer should always be no.  In this case I think the relationship, while good, is lacking something.  Because this is the type of relationship that has slowly grown over time it doesn't mean that it won't eventually turn into something that is what your really looking for but until it does or you are sure it never will you don't want to get married.

Answer 11

Based on what you have written here you should definately NOT marry him.

You should be 150% sure you love someone before you get married. Period.  

You should never marry someone if you feel sorry for them or don't want to reject them -- you will never be happy.

Trust me when I say if you love them, you KNOW you do. If you don't know, then you don't love them.  

This is one of the biggest decisions of your life, don't make a mistake.  Know yourself in and out, and the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. That's a long time, and you deserve nothing less than someone who brings out the best in you!

TC

http://www.executivehomebody.com  

Answer 12

I'm hoping that this is a joke. Because if you honestly can't figure out whether or not you should marry someone when the thought of being married to him makes you cry, there's no way you should be able to function in normal society without dying some sort of ridiculous death because you weren't sure if the sign that said "Danger: Do not touch or you will be severely electrocuted" means that you really shouldn't touch.

Answer 13

It sounds like no to me also.  My fiancee' tells me all the time how she is so happy to be with me and I hear it from her friends and coworkers too.  She is always talking about me and I about her.  If you have doubt then don't say yes.  Churches can set you up with a sponsor couple and test you.  You will learn a lot from that.  Trust me.  If you have doubts then don't do it or at least wait.

Answer 14

Unfortunately, this isn't really the place to get an opinion. We don't know him or you or your situation... but if you have to second, third and fourth guess yourself, maybe that's the way to go. Better to be safe than sorry. A long engagement doesn't have to be a bad thing, until you figure things out. Good luck.

Answer 15

Hmm.... Well, one way to decide is to think of what it'd be like without him. Would it be hard to imagine, or okay? If you don't really, truly love him, then that's that. Personally, he sounds more like a good friend to me. I, of course, don't know how close you really are to him.

Also, make sure you don't answer until you're 200% sure, cuz nothing sucks as much as regrets.

Answer 16

i'm 100% sure you should marry him.. If you don t think that your going to be happy with him, then why marry him. Your happiness always come first..

Answer 17

You're doubts seem pretty strong.  You said you can see him in your future, but can you picture your future without him?

Seems like he's a great guy and so you may not want to hurt him.  You need to take his feelings into consideration, but in the end make sure you have your interests first.

Don't settle!  If he's the one for you, it would be crystal clear and you would know.  Also, how long is "a while" is it 3 months or 3 years?  

Whatever you decide I wish you the best.

Answer 18

First off your not sure if you want to spend the rest of your life with him, then your afraid if you reject him you'll be "throwing away a perfectly good chance at being happy forever." Think about that for a minute.

It seems like you don't' want him but you don't' want to lose him either.

If its the right guy, you should have known it by now. Usually we woman cant wait for the guy to proposed when we know its the right person.

From what you said in your summary, its seems like he really doesn't do it for.  

Anyone can be a nice person and good hearted but for marriage we need a bit more..you really need to think about it and really listen to your feelings for him.

It seems like you guys are just dating and getting to know each other.

If you don't want marriage with him but don't' want to lose him, just tell him that you need more time and to take it easy for now...but reassured him that you will not leave him, that you dont' think your ready for marriage.

Best of luck.

Answer 19

it sounds like you don't love him and if you have this many doubts I would advise that you DO NOT get married

Answer 20

no no no, don't marry him now.  tell him you need more time and he should ask you again in 6 mos or next year or something.  you're right, you don't want to reject him if he is the right one for you, but on the other hand if you're not sure you don't want to marry him now.  just try to wrap your brain around the idea of being with him forever over the next few months.

Answer 21

It sounds as though you have too many issues.  I think you need to tell him you need to wait awhile that you just aren't ready.  Stay  away from each other for  few days. Star signs are garbage. deeper.  Sounds as though you really like like but not love him.  Put the wedding off to see if your feelings change.  Maybe you just have cold feet.  

Answer 22

It sounds like you're not ready.  You need to tell him.  Just be honest.  You're not ready for marriage yet.