I'm not that good at poetry--What tips can you give me?

Question

Here is a poem...go from here?

Can you hear the jagged rhythm

of a heartbeat in heartbreak?

With every razor sharp breath

she gasps in psychosomatic pain.

Eyes spy the shards of her heart--

precarious and in various sizes.

Her efforts of repair procure

something where gaps always remain

no matter how hard she tries.

A band-aid will not fix a

broken heart, broken dream.

Hearts are fragile

Like the building blocks

of a house of cards

where those cards now scattered

across the table shine in

oh-so-mocking ruin.

Answer 1

www.allpoetry.com. You will love this website.

Answer 2

I see a lot of potential in your poem. I guess my one recommendation is to try to transcend the stereotypical "angst" genre. Use imagery that's specific and unique, and try to avoid any cliches. The best thing you can do is continue writing, and go somewhere to get your work critiqued. Here's the forum I like:

http://authorsnotes.info/forum/index.php

Answer 3

First off, you have one great thing going for you that many who write poetry don't seem to have or use: you have an expanded vocabulary that allows you a fuller expression of emotions and you seem to have an original flair for expressing yourself.

This could be a pretty amazing poem with a little editing on your part.

If you're not familiar with poetic structure, meter and beat, these tools are easily learned. What your expressing is just about perfect. Don't change the tone of the poem. Just think about the overall flow a little and figure how to have it flow better. You've certainly got the talent to be a first-rate poet.

Answer 4

First, the poem is well done and has potential. Only more writing and reading others poetry will hone your talent. I highly recommend allpoetry.com as a great place to post your work. There is no charge and the feedback on your work is outstanding. If you decide to go there let me know. My address is: allpoetry.com/mac_mcgovern.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Great job, you should really submit it to http://www.papertank.com and see what they think.

I bet you could get a high rating for it on there!

Answer 6

I admire your word-choice, though I think the theme you wrote about is very cliche and unoriginal. My suggestion are that you keep writing and reading more poetry, because you seem to have potential.

good luck,

Lulle Rhyme-smith