I'm not used to friends with problems?

Question

My friend and i have been close for about three years, her best friend is a boy and was also her next door neighbour since they were 6 but he just left for boarding school forever. After he left we got closer because she needed someone there for her and one day she broke down into tears & told me that she was nearly raped when she was 10 which no one else knows, it's really effected the life she lives today and it means that she hates her parents because she feels they weren't there for her at the time. Now, she's telling me alto more about herself and i understand much more about why she is the way she is. I have no idea how to help her though, when she tells me she ha a panic attack and her family didn't notice i have no idea what to say. I'm not used to it, i feel like i'm not trained to help her, i feel like my love for her is not en ought but at the moment i know i'm all she's got and it's tacken a lot to even tell me. Please give me any advice you can, i really want to help her. We're both 15.

Answer 1

This is really difficult for you at your age and I can imagine it is emotionally draining for both of you. Your close friend opening up and for you listening to it all.

The fact that her best friend (the boy) has left for boarding school does not mean he is gone forever.  He will have school holidays and she can still keep in contact with him. Encourage her to do this so they do not drift apart.

Although your friend says she hates her parents because she feels they weren't there for her in reality her parents love her. It's just that she was growing up and her parents may have been unaware of the tell tale signs which existed at the time she was nearly raped.  At least she she wasn't and for that we must be thankful.  

A traumatic event like that can have long terms effects and it is so good that she has you to open up to.  Offer her as much reassurance as you possibly can and do things together which interest you both to take her mind of it.

Advise her to avoid situations if possible which give rise to panic attacks although in reality there may be no way of avoiding these and in which case she should see her medical practitioner who will best informed of the way forward to help her.



If she goes to the same school as you speak to the school counsellor or a teacher who you can trust to talk about the way forward.  Encourage her to explain what has happened to the school counsellor also.

Another thing you could also is to encourage her to talk to her parents and offer to be present with her when she does.  You will be there for moral support.

In the meantime just be there for her.  You are proving to be a very good friend to her and you can be really proud of yourself for that.  

I know you said you are not used to friends with problems but that is what friendship is all about, sharing troubles along with the good times.  It is at times like this that real and true friends show themselves to be exactly that and this is precisely what you are doing.  By supporting and helping her in her time of need your friendship will grow stronger and she will be there for when you need her.  

If you feel I can be of any further assistance please feel free to email me.

Good luck take care and God Bless.

Answer 2

Do her parents really know about what happened to her?

It's possible that if they do, they are hoping that by letting it go, she too will let it go .... because parents feel very guilty if their child is molested, because they feel they should have been there to protect them.

I think that she needs to talk to them about it, and get it sorted out, if possible with the help of a family therapist.  

Answer 3

tell her to talk to a cousler at school they will have better ways for her to cope if not when she is able to see a shrink she so needs to.