I'm obsessed with being perfect but I'm realising I'm bisexual...?

Question

I'm a teenage girl and I'm supposed to be really intelligent and stuff because I took an IQ test when I was younger & I scored super high. Because of that, my parents always put huge pressure on me to do well academically. If I didn't get straight As on every report, they'd get really angry with me because they thought I was just being lazy. A couple of years ago I got sick of the pressure and purposefully did so badly I got kicked out of my posh school for bright kids :/ This was after I had a nervous breakdown from the stress & was self harming badly every day. I took a year out of school because the school that I'd been in was accelerated so that we were a year ahead of every other kid in the country. Anyway, during that year I was in a bad mental state. My parents looked after me but I could tell they were disappointed in me.

After that year, I started another school and I became obsessed with being PERFECT at everything (apart from sport, which I can't do because I'm severely dyspraxic) so that I wouldn't let my parents down. If the slightest thing happens that isn't exactly what I expected (ie perfect), I get very anxious and just fall to pieces emotionally.

Now I'm starting to realise I'm bisexual- in fact, I don't think I could love a man (only be attracted to one). This has turned me upside down because suddenly it seems like I won't be able to do the 'perfect' happy ending of marrying a man and having his kids and being a loving wife. If I marry a man I'll have to lie to him the whole time. I know it's not actually wrong to be g*y, but it seems very wrong to me because it would disappoint my parents more than anything else.

What do I do?

Answer 1

Your parents sound like they want the best for you but they are not going about it in a helpful manner.

If you are able to find a man that makes you happy and you want to marry him, you do not need to mention your bisexual feelings to him... or anyone. Your bisexuality is no one's business but yours and no one will even know unless you start to date a woman.

I am bisexual but I want a traditional family. I like women a lot but I think I will settle down with a man because I find that I prefer them. Very few people know that I am bisexual and it will not effect my future anyway, so why bring it up and possibly make my family upset?

But overall, you have to live a life that will make you happy, no matter what anyone says. Your parents will have to get over it. They do not own you. Once you become an independent adult they will have no choice but to face facts.

You are who you are!

Answer 2

I'm sorry, but this is one thing you can't plan. You say you don't think you could ever love a man, but that is something that is up to fate. You may very well meet a man one day that is different from all the others and fall madly in love. However, some day you may meet a woman that makes you feel that way instead. Out of all the things in life, this may be the one thing that you can have no control over whatsoever, and you will have to play it by ear.  

Answer 3

If you are bisexual it means you can love both men and women so marrying a man if you love him would not be a lie. If you can not love a man then you are a L*****n. Nothing is wrong with either but as you are still young I suggest you give yourself time to grow up. But give up your expectations of a perfect little white picket fence life..... it never happens in life, only on TV. Chill out, you'll only end up having another breakdown.  

Answer 4

You are still young.  Calm down.

I went to a school for the gifted (had to score above 140 on the benit test to be considered) and from my experience what you are describing is quite normal.  Many gifted children get drowned under the idea that they are perfect and have difficulty accepting any deviation of that.  Different children take it differently but many have the exact same reaction as you are now having.  2 of my best friends reacted in the same manner that you have and it lead down a very self destructive path.

You need to relax, calm down, realize that you are still a child, no matter how bright you are.  What seems extremely important to you now will most likely be insignificant in just a few months or years.  By the time that you are 30, very little of what happens in high school will matter to you.

Answer 5

First do what you want. It doesn't matter if you let your parents down but if you let yourself down. Your parents seem overly strict and seem to put you under too much pressure. If you disappoint them, remember that what you had to lose was their overly high thoughts, or your mental sanity. If you let your parents down it isn't as bad as letting yourself down. Just flow with life and whatever happens happens. Just be you, not what your parents want you to be.