I'm old and why am I hard to like? and should I care?

Question

I'm 32, never fit in when I was in school bc I had a real horror show of family stuff that I just preferred to keep inside and didn't get with the program of needing to kiss peoples @ss and try to fit in.

As an adult everyone will talk to me, will say I'm friendly and assume that I have tons of friends and I am a friendly sincer person who would give you anything you desired. I have a big heart, however people don't give me the chance past the first encounter to deveop friendship.

I've also had spiteful grown adult females who'll just hate on me bc I'm active and think I'm doing things to be on display. I feel like everyone can be who they are but I have to be someone else in order for someone to like me--why is that?

Answer 1

You feel like this because you are more mature than those people.

If they cannot like you for who you are, then they are the ones with the baggage.

Be yourself and don't worry about what others think of you; their biggest concern in life is what YOU think of them.

:)

Answer 2

You know what? Your first two paragraphs sound very similar to me (and I'm the same age, and you are NOT old - that would make ME old, too, lol!)  You know what I've figured out? Your real friends and family will love you for who you are and you should always be true to yourself and not try to be someone else just to be liked.  You're a unique person in your own way and dont let anyone try to change you!

One thought: Have you thought about where you're hanging out making friends? You may need a change of atmosphere. :)

Answer 3

There are so many really good answers, I can't follow them.  I also think they've pretty well managed to say just about everything there is to say about the topic, except what I first thought when I read your question:  You've got the answer right there---should you care?  Well, no not really---and you knew that or you wouldn't have tacked it on the tail end of your question.

Good Luck!!

Answer 4

Unfortunately women are very catty to other women and you are probably  seeing a lot of what other women go through. I prefer male friendships over female anyday, they are not as judgemental, competetive. I have seen females look other females up and down like Ewwww, and it makes me sick. Be yourself and don't worry about fitting in at your age, thank god you are out of the teenage clicky years of high school.

Answer 5

Up until recently i was pretty much in the same position as you are and had been right since i was at school.

My horror show when i was at school that i was dealing with was to do with grief and depression (before i was even 10 years old), when i lost a very close member of my family.

That on its own isolated me from my peers.How could i possibly fit in, how could they know how i feel?.I never was interested in bootlicking to get in with the 'in crowd' either. I stuck out like a sore thumb and i knew it.It was like a vicious circle, the harder i tried to find friends the more i got rejected by people, and the longer it goes on the more you lose your confidence and your self esteem goes to h**l in a handbasket.

Like you as an adult i am friendly and approachable, but still people dont understand how hard it still is.It still isnt easy for me to trust people enough to let friendships develop, ive been dumped on and rejected and taken advantage of  too many times.A lot of the time if someone rejects your friendship, you are not the problem.Sometimes its because they have other things going on in their lives and they may not intentionally mean to hurt you.

I contacted an old friend from years ago, and when she replied in a strange offhand way it hurt like h**l, because it shattered the memories of the fun times we used to have.I had to accept that people move on and change.I have a smilar ongoing situation going on at the moment, slowly though im learning to let it go.

I have also had runs in with jealous females who seem to have nothing better to do than be catty and snipe.My self esteem was so low that it never occurred to me that they might actually be jealous.I really thought i looked like a bag of bent wrenches when i was younger.It took me years to learn that that just wasn't true.There was nothing wrong with me.I actually got it into my head that i was ugly and that people didn't like me because 'my face didn't fit' It took a long time to realise that genuine people like you for who you are, not your looks.

What ive learnt after a long time is that people like that dont matter, the problem is with them and their own insecurities not you.

You don't have to change to fit in.There are people who will like you and appreciate you for who are, for your individuality and your intelligence

.Try and find groups you can join where you will find people who have similar interests.I have just joined a medieval historical society because i know i will meet likeminded people.

I have learnt after years of struggle, to try not to be overly sensitive about what is going on around me, and not to try too hard to make friends.If you try too hard it backfires.I also learnt to work on my assertiveness and my confidence.My attitude now after years of pain is that if they dont like me? 'stuff them' its their loss not mine:)

Answer 6

If you think you are old now, wait until you are over 50.  My problem is that every time I get close to the "senior citizen" discount offered at different places, they raise the age another 5 years.  At this rate, I will never get to have it.

You don't sound like too bad of a person to me.  Blow off the ones who treat you like dirt and try to find the one or two people whom you can trust as true friends.  I found many years ago a friend and he has been there for me when I needed him and likewise me for him over 32 years, in spite of the fact that the Army moved me far away many times.  One thing I do know is that to have friends, one must be a friend.  Prove to people that you are a friend and you will find one or two for yourself that will last forever.  

An old Indian saying goes:  "Yesterday I went out to search for my enemies and I found no friends.  Today I went out to search for my friends and I found no enemies".

Just be yourself and seek the best in everyone.  Eventually it will pay off.  Just be patient because it isn't going to happen overnight.  The shallow people will always expect you to be like them.  Don't be like them!!  When they see that you are genuine, things will change or they will leave, but it takes time for it to happen.  Hang in there and keep on trucking.