I'm only 16 and my bf asked me to marry him what do i do??

Question

ok so like i said i'm only 16 and my bf asked me to marry him .... he's 17 and yeah... i said yes and i don't want to hurt him by saying i'm taking back my answer but i'm not ready to know that i'm giving my life away this soon in it... i mean i do love him and i do want to be with him for like ever and always but yeah.... this is difficult i want to be with him forever but knowing that it'll be forever is kinda scary at this age... no one knows besides me and him and a few friends but that's it... what do i do i mean i try talking to him about it but then we just start to argue cuz he thinks that when i bring it up that i don't want to be with him and i only said yes so i wouldn't hurt him but that's not true... just please help i'm soooo confused

Answer 1

You tell him no.  Let him know that the two of you are WAY too young to be thinking about marriage.  Tell him you want to wait until you are either in college or graduated from college before even THINKING about getting engaged.  Rejecting a proposal does not mean that the person saying no doesn't love the person who asked; it simply means that the person saying no is not ready for the next step in the relationship.  And no 16 or 17-year-old is ready for engagement and marriage.

Answer 2

getting married is pretty serious at such a young age why cant you be together and not have the stigma of marriage hanging over you.

Answer 3

i agree with the random japanese gamer.

Answer 4

=D

Answer 5

Both of you are way to young to consider marriage. You will grow and change tremendously in the next 5 - 10 years. Your goals will become more focused, and life will become more structured (to name a couple things). There is nothing wrong with being in love at 16.

You need to talk to him about this in a "safe place." A place where he won't make a scene. Fast food restaurant, bench at the park, or wherever.

Tell him that the two of you need to talk. Ask him first of all when he's thinking that you should be getting married. If his answer indicates he's thinking a wedding should take place in the near future, then tell him you need more time. You want to finish school and start college. You want to be older and more mature so you'll make a better wife.

Also, I really think you need to talk to your parents. If your boyfriend is acting like this, they need to be aware of it. It's their job to protect and help you.

Overall, I think Mary Contrary's answer above is the best of all.

Answer 6

You don't have to take back your answer, just tell him you want to finish school before you even begin planning a wedding. 16 is WAY too young to make a lifelong commitment like marriage, and he should realize that.

Answer 7

oh honey, you have the dream all 16 year old girls want!!! congratulations on a dream come true!

However, dreams are not always reality. Enjoy the fun you having now. You obviously aren't eloping next week. So enjoy the bliss that might be! Tell him you need to wait until after college, high school AT LEAST.. and you know what,  if you are still together then, more power to you.

If you feel pressured and want to break up with him, then do so. But you sound like you want to enjoy this exciting time in your life... dont' deny yourself that! you deserve to be as happy as you can. Being a teen is the HARDEST time emotionally in your life EVER. If you can make it enjoyable, I recommend it.

Now, if you were to run off next week because you think you can only be a "fiance" for a short time, then you need to rethink things.

In my gut, I honestly think this is just a "thing".. you will fall in love even harder several times. But sometimes, not. Sometimes it happens this quick. However, don't rush things. Enjoy being 16. Enjoy being engaged. Enjoy not having the responsibilities in life that those on their own struggle with. MOSTLY enjoy not knowing what the IRS marriage tax is.  

Answer 8

honestly, if you're gonna be engaged, have a LONG engagment. Just because you're engaged, doesn't mean you have to get married tomorrow. I know some people who stay engaged for 5,6, even 10 years before they tie the knot.

if you're really uncomfortable with the idea still, i'd say just talk to him about it straight up *exactly* how you feel. If he loves you, and wants to marry you still and be with you, he should understand. If he overreacts and freaks out about not wanting to be with him, then there's obviously some insecurity issues going on about your relationship...which you need to talk out anyways.

Good luck--

Answer 9

Tell him that you are still kids and to ask you again when you have been living together for over a year.

Answer 10

Well Just Remember, Just Because You Got Engaged At 16 Doesn't Mean You Have To Marry Him Right Now. That Way It Wont Hurt His Feelings Now. Then If You Change Your Mind Later, You Don't Have To Feel Guilty Cause You'll Know It Wasn't Meant To Be.

Wait Until You've Finished School & Get Some Money To Your Name Before Getting Married.

Don't Worry About People Saying Your Too Young. The Legal Age Is 18 & They Wouldn't Have Made It That Young If They Didn't Want People Getting Married Then.

Answer 11

Don't do it, Wait at least 2-3 years.

Enjoy your teenage life, you will never get those years back. And once your older you will always want to try to turn back time. Believe me that's what happened to me. I now see myself trying to get what ever time I have to go out with my friends. Which its about once a month for about 2 hours. Since I have kids and not a lot of free time.

Answer 12

Ask him when he wants to get married. If he mentions anything before 5 years, tell him you are both too young and you want to finish your education and get some employment qualifications before then. Not to disappoint you, but at your age few relationships last, and it is better to go through an informal breakup if things go sour than a divorce.

Answer 13

You can have a long engagement. There is no set time frame that you have to marry right now or within a year or two.

I knew a few people who had a 3 year and another person who had a 5 year engagement.

Reasons could be school (college), career (settlement), financial (buying a house, saving, paying off debts/loans etc), family (distance, military, school, vacation times for family to attend) etc.

I do agree 16 is young. I was 16 and "madly in love" but doesn't mean I was ready now that I look back on the relationship I had back then. I waited til we was 21 to get married. Even then I feel I was young.

At 17, he won't understand nor have the maturity to understand and that is why it is so complicated. He won't understand you think you two should wait. All he thinks is "she doesn't want to be with me"......Guys also do that as a form of manipulation sometimes...so you have to see if he truly is just sensitive or he is is just being manipulative with it.

You need to voice how you feel and not go into something you have doubts.

Answer 14

Agreeing to marriage doesn't mean you have to get married NOW.

If you want to marry him, just not now, say that you agree to wanting to marry him . . . someday.

Answer 15

don't do it

finish high school

grow up first!

Answer 16

What you do is say NO.

Thats what you do your way to young to commit to a lifetime with this person. Im sure your parents would be freaked out by the whole possibility too.

Answer 17

Oh dear, you are both so young and immature. You are scared to retract a marriage proposal and he is sulking if you mention it.

You have the right idea, this is not a relationship that is made in heaven its a disaster.

How can you be in love with someone and be scared of him, its all about communication and you two dont have it.

Call of the engagement by saying you are too young and if you are still together in a couple of years he can ask you again.

If he wont accept that then I think you should break with him and find someone a bit more sensible and mature.

Answer 18

Have a very long engagement

Answer 19

angi, i think your are both still too young to get married,life is beautiful, enjoy it.

you don't have to get married to prove that you love him, where will you live?have you finished school?what if you get pregnant, who will raise the kids?marriage is so much more than two people being together, thats why we start with dating.....

dont rush into this, if he cannot respect your feelings and address your fears how will being married change your relationship?

get to know each other more, spend time together, you can even set a date like 4years from now(that would make you 20...) for when u to get married.

if u are going to be together forever then you start enjoying the present, forever is a long time away.

Answer 20

omg. why the h**l would you get marryed that young? just tell him that your not ready for it. he should understand

Answer 21

You say, "I'm sorry but I am not mature enough yet to make that adult decision.  I'm sorry but at this time, since we are both still in high school and still have lots of time to grow up and figure out what we want to do with our lives, I cannot agree to marry you."