I'm panicking over this letter from my daughter's school?

Question

So, we live in a SH*TTY neighborhood. I've already mentioned in another post about the school failing the state testing and blah blah blah.

And now we've sunken down to another level.

"Dear Allen Parent,

The purpose of this letter is to alert you to a situation that was brought to our sttention today, Thursday at 8:40am by the Aurora police. A concerned person reported to the police department that a man in a White Dodge Caravan beginning license plate 789 was allegedly taking photos of students coming to school at the intersections of Simms and Farnsworth *(about 200-300 feet from the actual school building)*. The police were called and a report was filed."

Ok, now onto my past. I was sexually abused at 5 years old by my 12 year old cousin, and raped once when I was 16 and once at 17.

I am completely going crazy. I cannot stop thinking about this guy taking pictures. I mean, Im doing everything I can to keep my daughter safe (dropping her off/picking her up at the front door), she cannot go out front without one of us being outside... I know there's nothing else I can do from that standpoint. But its like Im obsessing over it. Its bringing back all of my old c**p and making me so paranoid for my daughter. I cant stop crying about it today. Im literally having a panic attack...

What do you suggest? Please help me calm down about this...

Jeez I wanna move so bad

Answer 1

I think it's very important to get your daughter out of this school. They failed state testing already. The predator thing is something that is just there, and I don't mean that in a bad way, but at least you know that the teachers were suspicious and did something about it. But predators are everywhere. Not just the bad neighborhoods. And I'm glad you aren't letting her walk there. If you have a friend whose address you can use to get her to a better school I think you need to do that and just face driving her there and back each day which you have to do that already.  

Answer 2

First of all, to TJO- who do you think you are? This woman is asking for help- not criticism. I'm surprised you found the time to "answer" her question- how'd you pull yourself away from walking on water? Have you ever been sexually abused? If not, you have NO idea what that does to you. And are YOU going to buy her house so she can get out of the neighborhood she's in? In case you haven't noticed, it's near impossible to sell a house in the real estate market right now. She is not being selfish- she has an honest concern about her daughter. Most NORMAL parents worry about protecting their children from perverts.  Your answer is by far one of the most ignorant I've seen in a while.

Now, to answer to question. If moving is not an option, all you can do is help your daughter be able to look out while out of the house. Tell her the only people she is allowed to talk to is teachers and her parents. I've told my daughter that if someone she doesn't know tries to talk to her and touch her, to SCREAM and to get away from the person as fast as possible and find an adult she knows.

*EDIT- What a surprise! TJO has email and IM blocked. I find it so predictable and amusing that the people who come on Y!A and spew their ignorance always block IM and email. Coward.

Answer 3

Being a parent brings back a lot of experiences for everyone - whether it is how we were treated by our parents or how we were treated as children.  All that stuff surfaces again in your life when you are a parent because you start thinking about childhood again and your own past comparing it to your child and their future.

Please know that what you are feeling is a total normal reaction based on your history.  I think you are very wise to know that a lot of what you are feeling is only triggered by that letter and not a simple reaction to 'just a letter'.  It is a reaction to what that letter represents.  

The question is how do you move past it?  And that answer differs for everyone.  WHat might work for some won't necessarily work for you.

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In my experience, I have found that keeping a diary or journal very helpful.  I can rant and rave, remember and just free form think and write my thoughts, feelings, etc.  It helps to get it out on paper. Allow yourself a certain time during the day with a time limit to write and obsess all you want.  Then at the end of that time, put the journal and thoughts aways.  It is hard but you can actively stop thinking of something.    

Deal with the past.  Write letters to people if you have to.  Call others.  Tell them what you felt then and what you feel now.  Don't necessarily mail them or expect response or open communication if you choose to share them but feeling as though you finally faced your attackers might take some of the burden off of you.

Mediate or spend some time each day with your eyes closed doing deep breathing and blocking outside thoughts.  Block the associations with the past.  It will help you see more clearly.

You are a valuable person and an obviously good mom.  You can deal with this and you will.   You have survived the past and you will successfully survive the future.  

Answer 4

Moving isn't going to stop people from doing that, the letter was to inform you of whats going on so if you see the van, you can call the police.

I know this is easier said then done but you need to just relax and stop worrying so much, the cops being on the look out for the guy is a great thing, he will get caught if he tries anything.

Tell your daughter to look out, not to go out alone always be in a group, and if she suspects anyone is following her, to contact an adult such as a teacher, store owner, or a friends parent ASAP.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, this type of activity being reported is not uncommon regardless of neighborhood.  I remember this being reported when I was in elementary school in a good neighborhood.  (I'm 26 now).  It sounds like you're doing all you can, but it's so important to make sure that your daughter has common sense and knows not to talk to strangers, etc.  I remember thinking in elementary school that those girls were stupid to let someone take their pictures.  So, I'm sure you have instilled those things in her, especially considering your past.  Make sure she knows to tell a teacher if she sees this type of thing happening.  

Hopefully the school has taken the right measures and has some sort of security patrolling for a while.  The walk to/from school seems like it has the most potential for danger, so if you're already picking her up/dropping her off, you are probably doing as much as you can.  

You're doing your best.  And although it's unfortunate and traumatic what happened to you, thank God it has made you more aware of the dangers surrounding your daughter.  Some people are in denial.  You are not, and that is already giving her a head start on staying safe.  I'm sure you're doing the best you can.

Answer 6

I'm sorry this has happened to your school, really I am.  But I'm sorry - the housing market does not suck.  However, it does suck in Aurora.  I would never in my life live in Aurora because it really is a terrible city to live in.   It will take a long time to sell your house. I'm sorry for that.

You are already taking precautions about picking up your kid and dropping her off.  Make sure she knows that no one else will ever pick her up.  Tell her what to do if someone does approach her.  

Answer 7

None of this is about you. I don't know what your past has to do with this letter or situation whatsoever. You are an adult now and need to be a functional parent. That means you need to stop obsessing over your childhood and grow up! Your daughter will have more of a negative influence by you and your choices, than the threat of this person taking pictures in front of her school. If it bothers you that much, move. But, you probably have a bunch of worthless excuses why you can't do that either. You sound like a victim and I feel sorry for your daughter. I suggest you take back control of your life, and stop being a victim. Do it for your daughter if you can find any selflessness inside of you. If not, stop complaining and live with the consequences of YOUR choices to bring your daughter into a neighborhood that is apparently unsafe. It's called being accountable.

I stand by everything I've said here, and yes, I have children. If you were looking for sympathy and for people to feel sorry for you, than you got it from all the other answers. Don't post public questions if you can't take some constructive criticism. If you choose to use this letter and situation as a way to dredge up all the abuse you experienced so you can further obsesses and cry about it as you mentioned, that is your choice. Or, you can choose to deal with it all in a manner that will actually put you on the road to healing. I don't see how posting questions in this forum about your daughters school and tying it to your childhood misfortunes will get you anywhere. I am blunt because I prefer to point out things that may actually help you see this in a different perspective- I don't see how replying any way else is actually beneficial, unless, like I said before, you are looking for sympathy. The reason I don’t give out my IM/email, is because there are a lot of quacks on this site, and I have better things to do that to engage with a bunch of strangers who don't agree with my opinion. This is an open forum; don’t post questions for all the world to see and then act shocked when everyone does not agree with your approach to something.

Answer 8

If you're picking your daughter up and dropping her off she will be safe. I think you should seek some counseling because this is bringing back your own experiences, which is not a good thing to have floating around. I think this is more about you than about this other guy, even though you do have legitimate concerns for your daughter. What you've been through is more than enough to cause panic attacks, try to talk to a counselor and hopefully work through it.

Answer 9

there really isn't much more that you can do other than walking her into her class and picking her up from her classroom. I know that under the NCLB act that if a school fails two or three years in a row then the parents have the right to send the child to another school and the county must foot the bill and even provide transportation.

look it up and don't go to them they may dissuade you from that route.

I know your upset at this but take some deep breaths and if it makes you feel better then there are portable GPS trackers in the form of an ankle bracelet for kids. maybe you can do some volunteer work at the school that way you will be there during the day with her. I don't know if you work or not but we are all humans and all we can do is the best we can and hope things turn out alright.

Answer 10

Is there anyway you can move to another school district or send your daughter to another school with a relatives address? I feel your pain...I was not raped or anything but my mother was murdered when I was 4 and I was physically and mentally abused by my step mother...I was sooo stressed that at one point in high school I actually thought of suicide cause I could not take it anymore...so now that I have children I am super paranoid about someone hurting them or mistreating them...so I understand...that is why I stay home with my kids and do not put them in daycare...so i don't know...my best suggestion is to talk to your daughter about strangers and if someone approaches her to run the opposite way yelling and screaming...and to never allow someone to touch her inappropriately...I watched a show on Maury once about kids being abducted and I made my 3yr old watch it with me and I told him about running away yelling, screaming, biting, kicking and I told him if someone does something to him and they threaten him by harming me...tell me anyways...not to worry...and i taught him to dial 911...

and i also remember what you mean about bringing back memories...when I had my daughter, I feel into a bad depression...it hit me really hard about my mothers death and it hurt me so much to realize all the mother/daughter moments that were taken from me and I was put into a situation where my step-mother hated me and resented me and it just hurt so much...my daughter is my princess...and i would kill anyone that hurt her or my son...and my mom will be gone for 25yrs this Feb...so the pain never goes away :( Hang in there and be strong

Answer 11

Wow, that does sound scary and I can totally understand your concern. Are there any other schools close by that she may be able to transfer to? Maybe a private school? If not, then if you think she is old enough, I would maybe get her a cell phone (that has strict limitations, of course). Tell her to call you and only you (orr 911 if you'd prefer) if she gets scared and needs to talk to you, or if she sees anyone acting strange or watching her at school. If you don't like the cell phone idea, then maybe (and I know this probably wouldn't be fun for a little girl) but ask her teachers to have your daughter stay in at recess/wait inside after school and you can go inside the school to get her. Sorry about your dilemma and good luck! I hope they catch the guy and find out what he was doing there.

Answer 12

Honey, you are in my prayers, and so is your daughter.  Just pray for the devil to lose his hand in this matter and God will pour an outpour of protection over your family and provide in so many ways to get out of this.  I was raped a few years back and it is traumatic.  He lives in my hometown and I see him from time to time and can't help but to cry a river.  PRAY...PRAY...PRAY

Answer 13

I realize finances are probably a real issue for you, but you really should do whatever you can to move to a safer neighborhood.  Creepy stalker guy or not, you have a child, and you should do what is necessary to secure a place in a better neighborhood, even if it means finding a smaller place for now.  Size should be a secondary concern to the neighborhood's safety.

But that being said, you are dropping your child off at school and picking her up every day, so you know she is safe on her way to and from school.

Answer 14

I strongly suggest finding somewhere to get counseling.  If you can't afford it, find a rape survivors support group or something to get professional help.  These are emotional wounds that take many years to heal.  You worry your child will experience some of the same horrors you did.  It's called being a parent.  

But be grateful it was reported and the police are keeping a closer eye on the school now.  You are already dropping her off and picking her up, so there isn't much more you can do besides teach your child not to talk to strangers.  Give her the information she can use to help protect herself as well.

Answer 15

maybe you can change schools? or homeschool if you stay at home?

i understand why you are worried, but if you and her dad have a good relationship (if you are not togehter) you have nothing to worry about!! alot of parents have problems that involve kids because of the parents stupidity.

maybe you should talk to a dr?

take a look at mine and tell me what you think plz:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 16

You are right - there isn't anything else you can do to physically keep her safe -and- still live your lives.  

But, what you are doing is sufficient.  You've got to trust that it is.  

Don't let the past, obsessing over it, worrying about it, keep you from living now, in the present & enjoying your life.  

Answer 17

We have moved recently from one sh*tty neighbourhood to another one, at the other school there were reports of a person trying to pick up kids and  paedophiler actually lived across the school yard -he's in jail now. We just moved into a district that altho nicer, school has a bad rept.

The best you can do is be aware, inform your child what to do if something does happen so they can be prepared and just be alert. And as the poster above me said, have you talked to someone professional about your anxieties and past? That'll help. Danger is all around us, you can only protect your kids so long, so far but you can teach the tools on how to react if they get in that situation.

Answer 18

That is really scary. I think if you are worried you should move to a nice town where you can be sure that you and your daughter are safe. That would be the best thing to do.

Answer 19

I think its normal for you to be panicked. I know I would be. At least the school was kind enough to inform the parents of this happening. Now that the owrd is out, hopefully this man will be caught and stopped before he does hurt a child in any way. You're doing as much as you can to help keep your daughter safe by having her wait inside until you pick her up and by dropping her off at school. Try to be calm, but be cautious. If you can help it at all do not let your daughter see you upset. There is no need getting her all worked up too. Talk with your daughter tho and teach her what to do should a stranger approach her. And teach her to notify an adult (teacher etc.) if she notices any strange activity at school. Like maybe a vehicle or person that seems to be watching kids at school. Its better to be safe than sorry.  

Answer 20

yeah that would freak me out too. is there a way you and your family can move I used to live in a c**p town too luckily we just moved into a great neighborhood. try moving that way you know your daughter will be safe. and I'm sorry what happened to you in the past as for that TJO person ignore them people like that have no respect

Answer 21

they are just letting you know.  THey know are looking for the person