I'm planning on adopting a child out.?

Question

Me and my boyfriend (Dan) have made our clear decision to adopt our child out ( I am a little over 4 months pregnant). We are however frustrated on where to look, how to contact, and all the steps of adopting this child out. I am 18 for those who I know will ask. I was wondering if anyone can help me find out where to look etc to do this process. I am in minnesota and just north of the cities. I would really like to get some help on this, I'm extremely stressed out at the moment with many things happening all at once.

Answer 1

I would go to planned parenthood and ask them.  They will direct you to the most ethical agency in your area.  I would suggest you wait until after you have the baby and your hormones even out, that way you'll make the best decision for whats best for you and your child without any pressure. If you have health insurance maybe you could go to a therapist to help you work through all the emotions that you  are and will be going through.

Adoption isn't as easy and pain free as many pap's, ap's and agency's will lead you to believe. If you go to them and change your mind later many will still try to pressure you into doing whats in their best interest. Open adoptions are almost as bad as closed despite what they may feed you.

Answer 2

First of all you just need to relax. Stress is not good for you or the baby. Everything will work it self out.  

You need to find a good adoption agency. Most of them do everything for you. Like counseling for you and your boyfriend, they  pre-screen all the adopted families, etc. etc.  All you should have to do is call an agency tell them you want to put your child up for adoption and they will walk you through the entire process. If I were you, I would pick to do an open adoption. that way you get to pick the couple that adopts your child, and you can have as little or as much contact with that family and your child as they are growing up. You can get pictures, letters, visits, etc.  It's totally up to you.

I don't know much about the agencies where you are, but when i adopted my son 4 years ago, I used Independent Adoption Agency. www.adoptionhelp.org.  They are pretty much nationwide. They were a big help for our birthmother as well as us.

You can email me anytime you want if you want to know how my experience was, or if you have any questions on the process.

Answer 3

if you are serious about giving the child up for adoption - my husband and I are wanting to adopt.  We have been praying that a door would open - i started looking on here tonight to see if anyone had anything to say about adoption and things.  I know some people scam and things on here - but seriously - you have no idea what it would mean to us.  If you want to talk just e-mail me and i'd be happy to send you my phone number and maybe we could talk.  PLEASE!  Thanks and I hope everything works out for you - your doing a good thing . . . PRO LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s.

all of my siblings have adopted - my family believes in adoption!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

Answer 4

Be careful of posters that are looking to adopt your child.  They might not be giving unbiased advice.

Start with contacting an adoption agency near you.  Make sure you choose an agency that gets you plenty of emotional support.  If all else fails you can contact your counties department of child and family services.  You can relinquish your child to the state.  That is actually how my youngest child was placed with me.  She is now 8 years old, and was never placed in another home.  Many people fear a child will bounce around many foster homes, but your child CAN be adoptively placed immediately if you sign relinquishment papers.

Again, make SURE you want to do this.  I would also suggest that if you are determined to make an adoption plan for your child, be sure to educate yourself on the benefits of an open adoption.  Your child should know as much about his/her bio family and genetic history as possible.  Remember, biological parents are the "gateway to information."

Answer 5

call local adoption agency's and talk about it with your boyfriend...it can be the beginning of a beautiful  lifelong relationship with your adoptive couple...

Answer 6

Search the internet, we have tons of places down here in Texas....Gladney center is big down here.

Answer 7

Dear Carissa,

As several others here have pointed out, PLEASE, research your options well and from all sides before you decide to make this serious a choice. I THOUGHT I knew what I was doing but had only been educated about the "rose-colored" side of adoption. There is a VERY DARK SIDE too.

And just so you know, "open" adoptions are NOT enforcable. Once they are finalized, you CAN be cut out of your child's life completely and you can do NOTHING.

BTW, you will be treated like a saint by prople who want to profit (adoption facilitators) from your situation but be aware that lots of them call will you a "breeder" behind your back and are not looking out for you or your child.

If you do nothing else, read the Q & As here to get a quick look at what you are thinking about.

If you do choose adoption for your child, please make sure to protect yourselves and your child from unethical and dishonest practices.

On the plus side: There are some wonderful PAPs and APs out there but you will need to "weed" through tons of bad ones to find them. If you find the right people, your adoption experience could be a good one and hopefully your child will have a full and healthy life.

Make sure that you are super careful and make sure you keep any promises you make to your child.

Good luck to all of you.

Answer 8

I know there are a lot of nonprofit agencies out there that are willing to help. You can also google the county that you live in to see if they can assist you. If you are looking to do a closed adoption and do not want to know the adoptive parents most states also have a safe haven law where you can relinquish your rights at the hospital no questions asked. If you would like to do an open adoption; check in your community or with the people that may be close to your family and friends. Open adoption through a family or friend could be a win win situation with guidelines of course. Good luck in what ever you decide to do.

Sara

Answer 9

I applaud you for your decision! I do not live in MN but I did find a great website for an adoption agency. http://www.angeladoptioninc.com/. In my opinion I think you should go to the agency and see what your options are. There are generally three choices when it comes to adoption...open adoption, semi-open adoption and closed adoption. Wikipedia does a great job in explaining the differneces between the three options.

OPEN ADOPTION

Open, or fully disclosed, adoptions allow adoptive parents, and often the adopted child, to interact directly with biological kin. Communication may include letters, emails, telephone calls, or visits. Direct access to the birth parents and history has advantages of answering identity questions ("Who do I look like? Why was I placed?") and lessening fantasies. There are also disadvantages such as no clean break for assimilation into family and the potential for feelings of rejection if contact stops, or for playing families against each other.

Arrangements regarding contact are typically informal. Even in an open adoption, legal rights of guardianship are terminated, and the adoptive parents become the legal parents. In some jurisdictions, the birth and adoptive parents may enter into a binding agreement concerning visitation, exchange of information, or other interaction regarding the child;[1] however, informal agreements are much more common

SEMI-OPEN ADOPTION

In a semi-open adoption, the parents involved may meet one or several times and then have no more physical contact. Non-identifying letters and pictures may be exchanged directly or via a third party, such as an adoption agency, throughout the years.[7] The relationship may remain semi-open or may evolve into open or closed.

CLOSED ADOPTION

In some closed adoptions, non-identifying information is shared between the parties involved, such as medical history, up to the point of placement. After the adoption is legalized, no further information is shared between the parties involved.[8]

In other closed adoptions no information is shared between the parties involved. This may occur because of the law in the jurisdiction concerned, or court order, such as when a child is removed from the home by the state because of abuse or neglect. It may also occur because the parties involved do not want any contact.

I was adopted when I was three and it was a great experience for my parents and biological mother. It was an open adoption so she helped the agency choose my parents. In my opinion I believe that this is the best way to go because it allows you to feel more secure about your decision. Unlike some of the other posters (no disrespect) I do think that contacting an agency now is a good idea because by starting this process early you can get to know your child's parents. They may even help you financially. Throughout your pregnancy wouldn't it be a good feeling to know that everything is already worked out? When you find the right couple I believe you all will have a great time getting to know eachother. Than you can truly enjoy your pregnancy and they can be apart of the process. The other advantage to using an agency (according to wikipedia) is.....

On applying to adopt, the potential adoptive parent(s) will generally be assessed for suitability. This can take the form of a home study, interviews, and financial, medical and criminal record checks. In some jurisdictions, such studies must be carried out by an independent or state authority, while in others, they can be carried out by the adoption agency itself.

In the end I feel that it is worth it to go through an agency. That way you do not have to worry if thery're "shady" or "crazy." Good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 10

First things first. As you are only 4 months pregnant, you have planty of time to come to a decision about adoption. I can appreciate you are stressed out and probably pretty confused.

Have you spoken with your parents and Dan's parents? If you would like to keep your baby, perhaps they could help you. If not, there are also plenty of options available to you to help you keep your baby if you so desire.

You may feel very strongly about relinquishing your baby right now, but that baby is really just a concept to you right now. Once you give birth and actually see your baby, you may very well change your mind... and that is your right.

I am an adoptive mom, so obviously I support adoption in the right circumstances, however, if you want to keep your child, but feel that you don't have the financial or emotional resources, you do have options available to you.

I don't know where you live, however, planned parenthood might be able to point you in the right direction in terms of resources for you to keep your child or info on adoption if you feel strongly that is the right option for you.

Good luck.

Answer 11

the best bet to find someone close and get the quickest responses is to look in the phone book and call a couple of the agencys and talk to them until u find a case worker u like and they will be there through the whole process from beggining all the way through and after and be able to help with any questions you may have if this is a serious question fell free to instant message me on yahoo cause i have already been through what u are going through and may be able to answer some of ur questions also

Answer 12

First off, take a breath.  You still have five months, and trust me, adoption agencies can work VERY fast.  If you called them while you were in labor, they'd find paying customers for your child within minutes.

I'd recommend enjoying your pregnancy (if possible), and not doing ANYTHING until after you've given birth and held your child.  It's very common to change your mind at that point, and if you've already made plans with an adoption agency, they will most likely do whatever it takes to get that baby from you.  Trust me, there is NO rush.

Answer 13

Everyone on here has given you advice on what to do. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I'm here to give you a reality check.

I was absolutely sure I wanted adoption for my son...until he was born. Then I was absolutely sure I wanted to keep him. A few cunning people, falsified medical records, and a bit of withheld test results and he was gone anyway.

Now, five months of court battles and a whole lot of money later, all I have are some pictures and a lot of sleepless nights.

Please do not make a decision until after this baby is born. Please do not trust agencies just because they are really nice. They're only nice until that ink is dry. Please look up the laws in your state. You can't sign anything for 72 hours after birth and you have 10 days to change your mind for ANY reason in MN. Do not believe differently and do not let anyone guilt you or scare you into anything. Know that if you decide this is what you are going to do, there will be pain, not just for you, but for your child. At the end, however, the decision is yours and the fathers because you guys will have to live with it, regardless of which decision you make.

Answer 14

Start with a local Crisis Pregnancy Center. They will advocate for what is best for you and your baby!

They can give you info on different agencies. Since they don't work for the agency, you'll get more objective information to help you choose the agency that specializes in the type of adoption that you would prefer. The agency you choose is VERY important in how this will all flow for you pre and post placement! Get some help in deciding which agency to use!

They can also offer you support in your decision. You seem to already have your mind made up, which is great. They can help you with what to expect throughout the process. Many centers offer pre and post placement counseling free of charge! Some even provide support for dads if they would like it!

They can help you with arranging prenatal care as well.

You've made a very mature and un-selfish decision! It's important for you to take care of yourself (physically AND emotionally) throughout the process! Get connected with local people that know how this works! You'll need them!!!

Answer 15

Dear Carissa:

No matter what you decide, my prayers are with you, because I know this isn't an easy proess, no matter what happens.

If you do decide to place the baby, you have every right to meet the AP's, go to their home, meet their extended family, talk with them, etc.  You are in control, and don't let an agency (I hate agencies), strong arm you into anything.  Their purpose in life is to place a baby for adoption.

Even if you believe that you want the baby placed to not see it, LEAVE THE PAPERWORK OPEN.  Even though many say that open adoption is not enforceable, they are talking about visitation (that's why I said get to know the family who is adopting.  See how their lives work!).  Open adoption on paper leaves it where you can always see the adoption paperwork at the courthouse, and where it gives you rights to be able to track the people who have your child down.  Some, like myself, are stable in their area, can prove that, and others (like a store manager that transfers a lot), might have it where they adopt a baby, request a transfer out of state, and then don't leave a forwarding address.  Take some time to make your decision, but if you truly believe in the decision to place, give yourself enough time to talk with different people.  PAP's like myself are desperate.   While we might have been in the proscess of adopting for years, we can no longer do so many things to be able to find a child, other than give 10's of 1000's to agencies (I'm trying to go through the state, but it will be another year or so before they teach courses in my area, and they have to be specifically taught here according to DHS).  Many adoptees are happy, and I can introduce you to them.  Both friends I grew up with and a relative who was placed at birth 48 years ago, and we just found out.  Remember that here, these are opinions of less than 100 people overall.  There can be happy adoptions too, and I totally belive in open adoptions.  Take care of yourself.  My prayers are with you!

Answer 16

Have you checked your mailbox?

Should be full of missives from desperados lookin' for a kid.

Might want to do a little reasearch before you make this LIFE ALTERING decision.  

Read this stuff:

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

http://www.origins-usa.org

http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

http://www.babyscoopera.com

http://www.b******s.org/bq/babb2.html

Adoption studies:

http://crimemagazine.com/07/adoptionfore...

http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/to...

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

Books:

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier

Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND

Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton

The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky

Answer 17

You should contact a local pregnancy resource center and they will be able to recommend some adoption agencies that they know are reputable.  You are 4 months along so there is some time for you to take advantage of some counseling.  You need to be preparing yourself and taking care of yourself and the baby.  Stress is no good for anyone.  Meet with the agencies and they can discuss the process with you from beginning to end.  You are in charge of this situation so don't feel rushed since there is some time, but also don't wait until the last moment either.  I wish you the very best no matter what your decision is in the end.  From an adoptive mother I would ask you to not do a closed adoption.  We have an open with our son's and a closed with our daughters (not by our choice) and I feel a longing for my daughters birth family to be in her life.  She is 4 now and just at the age where she is asking questions and I SO wish that I had more info for her.  We pray that she comes back into our lives.  It was just too painful for her and she did not get any counseling.  As I said before take advantage of counseling.  Best wishes.

Answer 18

Ask your doctor about the first step---I know a few people that would LOVE to have a baby & can't that would make wonderful parents.  Good luck to you and what a great thing you are doing for someone!

Answer 19

Please think about this LONG AND HARD about giving away your own flesh and blood.

watch this video (the truth about adoption):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOZGwqHVn...

from people who have been adopted (videos):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNFVUlJ2Y...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnVLls35A...

whichever decision you make, i wish you the best. Dont let yourself be coherced by adoption agencies and make sure it is YOUR decision if you decide to do it.

Answer 20

well, you could look to an agency, but most of those people are just rich people, and in my opinion, they are buying a baby because they put thousands of dollars to get it. If you know anyone who would like a child, but can't have them(what happened to my parents when they adopted me) then you and them can go to a lawyer and have all the papers done and stuff. You can also as in Juno, look in newspapers and stuff. Just know this is a wonderful thing your doing. I was adopted and no matter what anyone says, adoption is a good thing, and the kids can end up in just as good if not better situations. I'm proof.