I'm pregnant and I'm considering giving him-her for adoption?

Question

im 21 years old and im in college im majoring in political science but neither him or me are ready for becoming parents I work and go to school full time he tells me that its not even form yet so I should abort because we are not ready I don’t want to do that so im thinking of giving her or him up for adoption he says im crazy and he wouldn’t let me do that he would take her or him away from me what should I do

Answer 1

(((HUGS))) and THANK-YOU for considering the loving choice of adoption! It shows what a caring and unselfish person you are! You are a hero!!!

Here is a # to call to talk someone:  1-800-592-4725 - a kind person will help you learn your options and find out more about adoption.

Adoption is such a caring choice! THANK-YOU!

Answer 2

You have a lot of major decisions to make between the two of you.  He is the father, so he does have somewhat of a say.  However, I also believe that you are the only person who can decide what to do with your body when it comes to abortion.

If you are truly against abortion, and he is against adoption, then allow him to raise the child himself.  You have already indicated that you have considered adoption yourself and if you are okay with that, then I cannot imagine a better situation where the bio father chose to raise the child.

That being said, I do think that adoption can be a wonderful gift if you both agree to it and you have both decided that you are not able to parent a child.  Just make sure that you have fully considered your choice and get some type of counseling for both of you to insure that this is truly what you want.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

please don't abort. go for the adoption. let this child have a chance at life. who knows, he or she can discover the cure for cancer.

Answer 4

Why abort when you can give a childless couple the one thing that they want so much in the world?

You have reconginzed the fact that you are not ready to have a child, and thats good, its better to realize that now, rather then waiting untill its too late and your stuck in a situation your not happy with and you might end up taking it out on the child.

As for the father, well if your not married, its harder for him to claim rights to the baby when its born. I would check into legal rights for you.

I wish you luck, and hope it doesn't come down to abortion, just because there are so many couples out there that want to have children and cant.

Answer 5

If you are both not ready for parenting, then adoption is definitely a loving option.  You need to research some agencies and find one that you feel good about.  Meet with a counselor there to discuss your options, including parenting.  It won't cost you anything and you can get more information so you will be better informed before you make a final decision.  You are the one who will have to live with the consequences, no matter what decision you make, so be sure you get enough information to be sure you make the best choice for you and your baby.

Answer 6

If you want to put your child up for adoption I say go check out places and make sure thats the best choice for both of you. Do not keep the baby if you are not ready for a baby. I have seen people who keep the baby and the kid has to suffer that is not fair. There are tons of loving couples looking for a baby to adopt and there is a huge waiting list. Adoption is not wrong. I have tons of friends who have adopted children.

Answer 7

I don't understand. He'll take the baby away from you if you decide to keep it? Then why not be parents?

Look...sounds like your early in your pregnancy. Both of you are scared. If you are willing to go through the entire pregnancy then you have plenty of time to decide what you want to do. Even if you are considering adoption now you might change your mind later. You don't have to make that decision now. Wait. Time will tell.

Answer 8

Hi Marcy.  Please don't abort the baby.  It is not this child's fault in any way.  My husband and I and thousands of other couples are just waiting to find a baby to adopt.  There are agencies in every state that can help you and it won't cost you anything to learn your options.  The life is formed when the sperm met the egg so that ship has sailed.  Give a couple that can't have their own children the oppurtunity to be parents.  Either way remember that this child has an oppurtunity to have a wonderful life and you are the only one that can deny him/her that.

Answer 9

adoption is the best answer.. I did it ,because of being single and hardly any finances, 29 years ago. I never regret the joy that my child is giving to his adoptive parents,, the report cards, holidays and just giving a childless couple a child.  Strat your plans early in your pregnancy and search for the right couple.. I used social services through the hospital where I was going to give birth.. I even got to meet the couple and know there background and financial status, and just sit and talk with people  who really cared for him, even before all was final.

Answer 10

Don't run away from your problems. ITS YOUR FAULT YOU ARE PREGNANT SO GUESS WHAT......LIVE THROUGH THE PAIN AND RAISE THE BABY. " INCONVENIENCE" IS NOT AN EXCUSE.

FACE THE CONSEQUENCES.

Answer 11

I am a big supporter of adoption (especially since my husband and I cannot have children). I would hope that the 2 of you make the decision not to abort. The fact that you are even asking this tells me that you will regret that decision if you made it. I also am not sure that adoption is the best route. I really think that you and your boyfriend need to agree on what should happen. I don't think it is right to make a decision either way without him. The baby is his too and whatever decision you make is one that you BOTH will live with for the rest of your lives (together or not). I hope that the 2 of you can work together and hopefully agree to either raise the baby together or to find a good home that you are comfortable placing the baby in. Good luck!!

Answer 12

Interesting how he wants you to abort, but if you birthed the baby- and wanted to place for adoption, he would take your child.  I am so glad that you decided not to abort- it is not good for you either.  By the way, just because your baby is not "formed" yet as your bf said- He or she is being formed and your child has a heartbeat already.  I would talk to counselor about this, if you are sure that you want to place for adoption, go for it- as bad as this may sound, your bf is not thinking straight- he wants you abort of he will take the baby if you place for adoption- you are not crazy , you are wise

Answer 13

Marcy,

Magic Pointe Shoes makes some very important points.  Firstly, for people suggesting to let the father "adopt" the baby, uh...it's not adoption since it is his baby.  If when it comes right down to it he wants to raise his child, then his child and he have every right to have that relationship.  

I know that adoption has become such a part of our society that I think very few people think about how unusual and unnatural it is to give one's own flesh and blood to strangers, with the risk of never seeing their own children again.  Open adoption agreements can be revoked by the adoptive parents at any time by law.  Open adoption is not the same as having that special parent-child relationship with your own child.  Giving up a child is a HUGE, life altering decision that will affect all of you.  It is not to be taken lightly, or automatically assumed to be the best thing to do for your child.  

Magic Pointe Shoes also gave you a link to a story.  Please, please, if you read nothing else today, read that story.  I am adopted.  My natural father cried -- no bawled -- upon our reunion.  Over and over he cried, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."  He said he lived with the emptiness of not having me and the questions in his mind.  He said he spent 35 years wondering of himself, "What did I do?" and "Is my daughter okay?"  

You and your boyfriend may decide to raise your child.  Only one of you may decide to do so.  Even if the two of you ultimately choose adoption, please be certain that you load yourselves with information from those who've been there before you make that decision.  Although you have the right to change your minds about an adoption up to a point, that revocation time is very short.  After that, it's forever.  There is no turning back for you, your boyfriend or the child you two share.

Answer 14

i aborted my baby when i was just 14 its the worse thing i have ever done and it may ruin my chances of becoming pregnant in the future i would consider adoption, he will have to go through court to get custody, by this time your child will be in a loving home :)

Answer 15

well adoption is def. better than abortion. but you must both be in agreement if your going to give the baby up. but i think when that baby is born and you hold him or her in your arms you will fall in love and never let it go.

Answer 16

If you are willing to give it up for adoption and he is will to take it Just let him adopt his own child so to speak! That is if he would be a good parent!

If not there are many good people willing and waiting for a wonderful child to adopt!

Answer 17

Hi Marcy, have you and your man thought about adopting the child to parents who can take care of your child however, still being able to be in the childs life?  

Some people who would love to adopt a child would be willing to allow you and the father to come around and even as the baby got older and began asking questions we could all sit down and explain the situation.  This way your child has grown up knowing you and their father, and also it will be easier for the child to understand why he/she was givin up.  

You know some kids feel they weren't wanted but if you had a family who would allow you to be in the childs life he wouldn't feel you didn't love him.  he would know that you and your boyfriend were trying to make a life for yourselves and at that point you couldn't take care of them properly.

I don't know if that's something your boyfriend would aprove of but you might suggest it to him.

The reason I know a situation can exist like this is because i can't have my own kids and i want to adopt.  However, i want the biological parents involved and it's hard to find.  most the time they just want to leave.  I want a child, to raise a child, and love the child as my own, but i want the biological parents input on all the stages of his/her life.  

Anyhow I know i''m not the only one out here who feels that way.  If you go threw with the pregnacy it sounds like the father would like to keep the baby.  well with a situation like that he could still be daddy.  You could be mommy  he could be daddy and the adopted parents could also be mommy and daddy but like step mommy and daddy's.

I hope this helps you out

Answer 18

i dont agree with either..

this is not the movie juno.

its not realistic to give up your own

flesh and blood. Thats your child; its just

not right. No matter what the reason is.

unless your on drugs or abusive. And abortions

are totally out of the question. especially since you

already have a partner to help you with.

killing your baby would be on your concious

for the rest of your life. let the baby have

a chance to live. Its not the baby's fault.

I think that since you guys were not responsible in

the first place this is what you will have to deal

with...!!!

Answer 19

Before I give a serious answer, can I just LOL at your baby's father?  He's soooo not ready to step up and parent until you mention adoption and then suddenly it's full reverse where not only will he step up but he'll do it on his own!  Heh.

Seriously though, if that is the case then you need to decide if you are ready to parent.  If he wants to parent, then let him... he is the baby's father, it's his right.

You should read this blog post.

http://paragraphein.wordpress.com/2007/1...

Answer 20

well you can either give it adoption or let him raise it in a sense it like adoption if he is able to. If he is not then give it up for adoption but please don't aborted it cause it is murder

Answer 21

I am concerned as to what the bfathers intentions would be if he were to take the child. He has already stated he would rather see it dead.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big advocate for bfathers and their rights but not to the extent that it may be harmful to the child.

I also have a problem with the fact that he threatened you.

You two need to talk. Does he want a child or control? He sounds scared and a bit scarry.

Don't let your personal future plans be an excuse. Lots of good plans and intentions have run amuck.

Do your homework on this one and don't let anyone threaten you into a decision. You will regret it longer than you think.

Answer 22

Adoption is a long term solution to a short term problem.

Adoption for a child can mean a whole lot of pain down the track.

Think about it - as an adoptee - your own mother didn't want to keep you. College was more important than the child?!?!?!

Here are links to blogs of women who have lost children to adoption -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

And here are links to adoptee blogs -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

If you don't want to abort - then you must think about what your actions will mean - in the long run - to the child.

Answer 23

U have to make your OWN decision. I was fostered - never adopted - at 4 months.  Luckily I had the most wonderful foster mother who meant the world to me and had a brilliant and loving upbringing til she died when i was 18. Understandably, it would be painful to hand over your baby to a stranger but its a far better option than abortion.

Answer 24

PLZ dnt abort ur baby...if u both are not ready to become parents, give the baby up for adoption

use protection next time!

Answer 25

.  I am very impresses that you would think of adoption and not a abortion, good for you. You would not be happy the rest of your life if you ended a life. I wish you the very best. You are a very responsible person to make the decision and how can he say that he would take it away when he would let you abort it. The best of luck with your decision.

Answer 26

I thank God every day that my son's birth mother chose adoption. She didn't want to be a mother  and could have chose abortion  but she wanted him to have a better life.  My son is the world to my husband and I and we see him as God's greatest gift.  Somewhere in the world are people who long to be parents like we did and you can give that child and that couple the most precious gift.  My birth mother chose not to be involved in his life at all but there is open adoption so you can  know how  your child is doing.  Talk to an agency or lawyers in your area and they will supply you all the  information you need.

Answer 27

You have lots of time to get good counseling at your College Center or planned Parenthood or any local Adoption Agency.  Take you time and go together or by yourself. The answer will un fold as time goes by.  You will come up with YOUR right answer!  Good luck.

Answer 28

It is already formed. Don't listen to him. I would seriously suggest some counseling at a family planning clinic. If you should decide to give him/her up for adoption, make sure you are REALLy ok with it. Or maybe choose an open adoption?

Answer 29

People  say and do some crazy things when they are scared. I gave my daughter up for adoption when she was born. I can tell you from experience that it's a hurt that never heals. We have been reunited since 2001. She asked some really hard questions, ones that I didn't want to answer. Why did we give her up but keep her brother (he was born 6 years later and we were married)? What was so wrong with her that we didn't want her? Before you make any decision about adoption, think about the years to come without your baby and think about how he/she will feel as they get older and wonder why they weren't wanted.

Answer 30

Please think of what you want, could you live with yourself if you aborted.  That will haunt you for the rest of your life.  I've known girls that have just disappeared to have the baby without anyone bothering them.  People will help you with that.  Contact a church or look in the phone book.

Answer 31

Marcy,

It's your choice. As for the guy who impregnated you, just my opinion, but I think he's the one who is "crazy" and a HUGE jerk [that's putting it mildly]! He has some nerve to tell you to get an abortion and in the same breath threaten you that if you have the baby, he'll take him/her away from you.

I'm going to contact one of my contacts and get her to get in touch with you. She's going through the same thing and I know she can help you.

Take care and please tell that @ssw*pe to take a hike. Getting rid of him will be one of the nicest presents you've ever given yourself. Best wishes.