I'm pregnant and he's freaked out! Can anyone relate? Any advice?

Question

Does anybody have any advice. I'm 5wks pregnant just found out this week. It wasn't planned. I told my boyfriend 2 days ago. My boyfriend of 5mths isn't sure whether he wants this relationship or not. He's 29 and a farmer and is stressed already with pending harvest in a week or two. I'm 25 and a nurse. We live 150miles away from each other and I'm willing to move to be closer. All around he's a good guy. I know his family means alot to him. I know he's in shock about the whole thing as am I. I told him abortion was not an option for me. I talked to him last night and he told me that he needed some time to think about us and the situation. That he didn't want to be with me unless he knew it would work. I asked him if he still had any love in his heart for me and he replied in a text "yes but I just don't know if thats enough". I would have never thought him to be the type of guy to just walk away from something like this. He's the quiet and shy type that anytime something goes wrong or theres conflict he pulls away and wants to be alone. I would really like him involved in my life and the babies. I know I can't make him want this baby or me but do you have any advice to not push him farther away? I'm heartbroken and just want to have a mom and a dad for the baby.

Answer 1

Don't listen to Dianee.

Good for you for not choosing abortion.

I have never been in this situation. But when I first found out I was pregnant I temporarily fell out of love with my boyfriend. We were only dating for a month and I was terrified because I barely knew him. Luckily for me he embraced me and our baby and I fell deeply in love with him. Now we are married and have a daughter. I just needed time. I was 18 and  scared. Don't assume that he wont have a change of heart.

If he does not change his mind just remember you still have two options. If you really feel like you cant rear this child on your own you can do adoption. I was adopted and was given a great life. Or you can be a single mom. My mother divorced my father when i was very young and she was the only parent I really knew. It was tough for her at times but she did an amazing job and still managed to have a life outside of motherhood and work. She was a nurse too.

Good luck to you. You have already made the most important and correct decision in keeping your baby. You can do this.

For the time being you will need a close friends or maybe even your own mom to be your support.

Answer 2

im now preganat with my 3rd baby with the same dad, but wen i found out i was having my 1st baby i was 5 weeks pregnant and only been with my boyfriend for 4 months, i was only 20 and e was 26, e went off his head at me because e didnt want kids full stop, i was gutted but like you say im against abortion, it wud b a big regret ! after a week or so e came round to the idea and e ***** wait , then wen we found at the 2nd and now this time, e told everyone e was that happy, i no this probley wont make any difference but it will work itself out, xxxx good luck

Answer 3

He's a little old to be acting that way. If hes not ready to commit...you're just gonna have to do it alone. It's hard but worth it. I wouldn't uproot & move 150 miles for a guy that sent you a friggin text message!!! I know you've got a zillion things goin on right now, but as of 5 weeks ago you're a mom. Your first priority is to your child.

Answer 4

You have only known each other for 5 months.  You can't expect a life long commitment from that short of a time.  Being pregnant is not a good enough reason to keep a relationship going.   I would say to leave him alone for awhile and let him contact you.  He probably feels trapped and confused.

Answer 5

i am so sorry that this has happened to you. but as we all know men are slow and dumb and us as women have to protect ourselves from them.  in a situation like this..give him his space if you keep pressuring him about it then he is gonna keep running so do respect him when he tells you he needs time to think about everything. another thing you both are adults regardless of what happens you are gonna be in that baby's life. if he chooses not to be, let that be on his conscience. he can't run away from the fact he has a child in the world. if he is a good person like you say then he should come around..but just give him time. you can't make a man love you nor be with you if he isn't trying to..

Answer 6

you can't make him want to be a father. like you said, he pulls away when there's conflict. so give him a little time. men act really weird when something as shocking and life-changing as this happens. if he doesn't come around, you sound perfectly capable to raise a child on your own. good luck!

Answer 7

OK...first if he is the type that pulls away when things are getting tough...I don't know how you didn't know he would be the type to just walk away.  The sign was there.  

This relationship is still very new...this is probably a heavy load to carry for him, and if he is worrying about other things...this news certainly wasn't going to win you any awards for the year.  I'm not going to get into the why didn't you protect yourself spill, because what's done is done.

Now is the time you start to think about yourself and that baby you are carrying.  You told the father your feelings...and now the decision to stick around and be a father and/or be in this relationship is up to him.   You want a man to be in your life because HE wants to be in your life.  As for the baby...make him at least step up to the plate and take care of his responsibilities.  If he doesn't want a relationship with you...move on.  The baby can still have a mother and a father even if the father doesn't want to be in a relationship with the mother.

Frankly, I don't think he sounds like a man who wants to stay in this relationship.  One thing is for sure....I wouldn't leave my job (150 miles is a long way to drive back and forward to work when you are pregnant or have a child)...and I wouldn't leave my situation (home, family, etc.) to be with a man who has no clue what he wants.   Good Luck....

Answer 8

This happened to me.  It was a friend, and we knew each other for 5 years, but we weren't dating, and the pregnancy turned our lives upsidedown (our 'pregnancy' is now 19 and in university, btw, and things have, to an extent, turned out well).

First of all, I would stop doing any material communication by text or email.  Phone or in person is best for minimizing misunderstanding.

Second, realize that until you are sure of someone WITHOUT kids, it is perfectly reasonable to have all sorts of uncertainty come to the surface if an unexpected pregnancy happens.  It isn't that he won't commit to you, but he deserves the time needed to think it through.  If you pressure him, it will only be worse.  And you must come to terms with the possibility that he MAY not want to commit to you.  In theory, you understood this when you were engaging in premarital s*x.

What you can ask is what sort of basic plan will you make, assuming you are not getting married?  What if you are not a couple?  Iron out a worst-case agreement while you are still being nice to each other.  Write it down.  Sign it together in front of witnesses, or consider going to a mediator to complete it.  This will help you to build trust, which is what you desperately need when you are rearing a child together.  Not only is this a solid, responsible choice for the best life for the baby, but it will show him that you are a good, practical person, not prone to drama.  If he is healthy himself, this may make him more attracted to you, likely to trust you.

This is a tough time for you.  You are very hormonal, may be scared about economic and other future issues, and will likely cry a lot.  Get your own support system in place, preferably one who does not bad-mouth your baby's father in any way (your mom, sister(s), cousins, close friends).

Good luck, Sweetheart.

Answer 9

well you answered your own question already. YOURE against abortion. youre going through with the pregnancy. so what do you want us to tell you? all i can tell you is do not call him from this point on. maybe, just maybe call him towards the end of the pregnancy to let him know that theres .... many weeks left til the baby comes. you tricked him and that was wrong. now you have to deal with it. good luck to you. i hope the daddy sees his baby some day. im sure he will once he sees the little face.