I'm putting my baby up for adoption. Can I receive help after?

Question

I've got another two weeks to go in my pregnancy. I have picked out a wonderful family in CT to adopt my baby boy. I'm going through an adoption agency headed by a lawyer. So far I haven't asked for any help and have received nothing to help with my living expenses. I am still working so I haven't needed anything. But after I have my baby I'll be out of work-can I be reimbursed for that time away? I don't know how I will survive.

Answer 1

you might be able to apply for unemployment or get cash assistance from the state while you arent working...

You  should ask for 2 months worth of your pay that you would normally be making from working....mention this to the adoptive parents first and then work it out with the lawyers....usually adoptive parents will pay for your medical expenses and sometimes living expenses,so i'm sure 2 months of your pay fro work would be nothing compared to what those would have been....What you're asking for is totally understandable in my opinion.

Good luck

and be sure adoption is what you really want to do....

and dont bank on an open adoption because I just found out recently that the adoptive parents do not have to do as they promise,they can go back on what they promise at any time,so just know that going in....

And do what you feel is right in your heart...

:O)

Answer 2

if the a-family offers support after you give birth, it looks like you're selling your baby in the eyes of the law, unfortunately.

Answer 3

No you can't.  Most state laws allow the adoptive parents to help during your pregnancy with food, rent, and clothing. After that it would be considered income, or buying the baby.

Answer 4

I am confused how is it that you will be out of work after you have the baby?  You might talk to your lawyer and he or she might be able to find you some programs that you could sign up for that will assist you. You might also  talk to your potential adoptive parents for your baby, they may choose to give you some money that you can live off of for 2 or 3 months.

Answer 5

Go to your lawyer, they should reimbursed you even after the baby is born. Up to at least 6 months, including checkups for after the birth, etc.

                    The agency and the lawyer are raking in the money. And you explane to them that you need aid for living expenses after the baby is born.

           You should be getting aid while you are pregent.   I assume they are paying for the doctor's visits and the hospital when the baby is born.

            Giving up a baby is not a easy choice. I do know how you feel right now. ( I am a birthmother also)

Answer 6

i think you have to work that out with the family cause i know if you don't have a child state doesn't give medical or anything so i would ask the family...good luck

Answer 7

You should be eligible for maternity leave for at least six weeks if you are working full time.  If your job won't give it to you because you placed your baby...well that's illegal.  Sue them.

Other than that, I'm not sure what you are looking for.  The babies adoptive parents are not legally obligated to support you and giving you any money could be considered illegal and unethical.

Good luck.

Answer 8

See if you are eligible for some sort of state disability insurance, company paid leave or unemployment compensation first.  Once you have the answer to that contact the agency and ask them for financial help while you are recovering from the delivery.  Let them know what other money you are eligible to receive and what your shortfall will be.  Don't feel bad about asking for some support.  I know some agencies do assist with financial support after the baby is born.  Some will also offer emotional support and services for extended periods after the baby is born.  

Take care and good luck.

Answer 9

right now, you should contact the lawyer and tell them this...do not wait until after. if you are going to recieve help, you need it in paper. They should be understanding, and willing to help.

Answer 10

I think the best thing to do would be to do, would be to speak to the agency who is dealing with the adoption. I am sure there will be some kind of support with financial affairs. I hope also that you are going to recieve emotional support too. Your making a big commitment. Good luck

Answer 11

First let me commend you on saving your baby's life, and giving him/her to a faimly who would love nothing more than a child.

I don't think you can ask for help after, especially because it will look like payment. As for taking 8 weeks off, that seems a little extreme. I have 4 kids and had a c-section with the last one. The doctor clears you to work/drive in 2 weeks.

Maternity leave is for bonding with the baby.

I don't mean to sound ugly but you should probably get back to work as soon as possible. I think it's great what your doing, but you will be real emotional after and might want to have something to do.

Answer 12

Yes, you should definitely tell

this to the lawyer AND the

adoptive parents.

  You are giving them your child, the least they can do is

help you while you can't work.

Answer 13

Liz I am adopted. I am 41 and I am STILL having horrendous issues.

No one can judge you for giving your baby up, no one can categorically state that if they were raped that they would keep the baby. or give the baby up for adoption.

I feel for you because adoption on the site is very controversial and with good reason because there are some that feel so entitled about things which really hurts those that have been adopted or those that have relinquished their baby

Can I ask you a question ?Are you giving your baby up because you dont think you could look at him/her and not be reminded of the rape ?

Are you receiving counselling for the rape ?

I just know that there are people who do go on to keep their baby because it IS part of the mother too and in fact some would even say more so of the mother because the mother carries the baby, Grows the baby etc..

Liz I cant say to you dont give your baby up like I do to the other young girls on here, but I just want to say is it at all possible that you could get some counselling and consider the possiblity at all of keeping him/her ?

Or is that just totally out of the question ?

Sometimes when a mother births her baby and holds her baby it completely changes her perspective so maybe even if you could hold off for 8 weeks whilst you recover from your Csection before making any decisions ?

Remember you will not only carry the psychical scar of having the baby you will carry the emotional scar...just think how much worse it will be carrying the emotional scar of the rape AND of giving the baby up...

Liz I wish you the absolute best for whichever path you take

I am sending you lots of healing vibes and hugs x

ETA - ugh I just read the poster He Lives response - IGNORE such callousness

And its absolutely TRUE you are NOT allowed to work/drive for 6 weeks at LEAST for a C section and nor should you

This is major surgery Forget for one second that its a pregnancy, its SURGERY because the baby is Breech.

Any other major abdo surgery and people would face the same thing with regards to time off work to RECOVER

So Please HeLives get your facts straight first

Answer 14

I have not read all the replies to you here so I hope that I am not repeating what everyone has already said...

First I want to say as an adopted child that has met her birth mother and had a lot of issues being an adopted child; I admire you for what you are doing. I am sure that being raped has been h**l on you and to follow through with the pregnancy in those conditions must be very difficult.

Second, get together some paperwork on yourself and give it to the adoptive parents personally. The courts are not always good about doing that. Things that I feel you should include are heritage and medical history to the best of your knowledge. Those were some of the hardest things for me in school. I had no idea about any of it and I wanted to know. When things were done in class I was not able to feel like I was able to participate because I had no clue what my heritage was.

Third, figure out if you want the child to ever be able to find you if they would like to. Set something up with the adoptive parents if you do. Do not rely on the courts to help with this either.

As for your question, ask the lawyer that is handling the adoption. See if the adoptive parents are willing to assist you with this at all. Other then that I am not sure if there is anything else that you can do. You may want to contact United Way or local churches. There may be other organizations in your area. It is not going to be an easy task.

Answer 15

Sure.  You'd have to talk to the lawyer and do it now.  Tell him that you're asking that the family pay your expenses for the six weeks post-pregnancy or until the Dr. clears you to go back to work. You can put a 12 week cap in there.  If they haven't contributed towards your expenses while being pregnant, they should understand and be ok with it.

Good luck!!

Answer 16

I don't want to sound harsh, but it will come off like that.  I doubt anyone (other than your family, maybe) are going to offer help after you give the baby away.

I have read countless stories about mothers who give children away, only to have everyone disappear after the birth.  And really, it is not the prospective adoptive parents responsibility to take care of you.  They want your BABY.

Unless you're getting govt. assistance before the birth, I doubt you'll get it after--no disability, no more baby.

Do you really want to do this?

Some sites to visit, and things to read:

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

http://www.origins-usa.org

http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

http://www.babyscoopera.com

A study of adoption:

http://rondidondi.wordpress.com/2007/10/...

http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/to...

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

If you were to keep your baby, you would get benefits and child support from the father.