I'm so awkward it makes me cry? I know it's long, but please help me out?

Question

I'm really socially awkward. I've been at college almost a week and haven't really made any friends. Today all of the freshmen met in a certain area for a ceremony. The students in front of me were talking to each other and so were the students behind me. There was a guy standing to my left and he wasn't talking to anyone, either, but I couldn't force myself to talk to him because I felt like a loser. After we reached the point of it being more awkward to say nothing than something, he said "Hi" to me. I said "Hey" back and then we both stood awkwardly. I felt like such an idiot. I pulled out my phone and started texting while we both tried to pretend it wasn't awkward (we were really close physically but not talking).

Later I decided to push myself, so while he was standing with his back turned to me, I quietly said "What's your name?" He didn't hear me. The guy in front of us looked at him, then he realized I was behind him talking like a loser. He was really nice and gave me his name. We made a little bit of random communication for about 30 seconds and ended. This kept going on (a couple of words and a long awkward silence) for half an hour. When the group started moving to our new location, someone walked up and started talking to him. I was left alone. I keep walking everywhere alone.

I can be nice when someone talks to me, and I might even make a small joke (e.g. "They really like ceremonies around here") and get a few laughs, but it always ends up silent afterward. Please help me out. What can I do? I feel like a complete social r****d.

Answer 1

Your college should have a free counseling center that helps with these specific problems. You're definitely not alone.

There are many skills and tools your counselor can work on with you so you can feel more confident and overcome some of your anxieties.  

Answer 2

maybe ask around for a social skills class

or presentation class to make it easier for you to talk

maybe your parents can help

or try to aim to talk to people who seem quiet and

introverted, might make it easier

Answer 3

Some people will tell you that college isn't about making friends, but that is an oversimplified and mostly untrue platitude.  The more friends you have in life, the better off you will be - and college is a great chance to teach yourself how to get along with people.

There are a few basic rules that can be usefully applied to your situation:

Fear is the little death, the mind-killer.  The more you fear, the more you avoid.  The more you avoid, the less you learn how to make the situation better.  The less you learn, the more afraid you become.  Fear is a vicious circle, and the only way to break the cycle is to grit your teeth and jump in with both feet.

So; rule number one is: Fear is death.  Remember this rule and you never have to despair.

Failure is your friend.  Every time you fail, you get a chance to never fail in that way again.  If you try out a social behavior that doesn't work, you can just make a mental note to not try it again.  You can even make a science of it if you want to.  You can write down what works and what doesn't, and scan your notes before you go into a social situation.

So, the second rule is: Experience is worth it.  Remember this and you won't have to feel bad when you s***w up.

There are six billion fish in the sea, and you have an entire lifetime ahead of you.  College is only one place out of many that you'll have to learn and grow and make lifelong friends.  Don't get caught up on being popular or 'normal.'  The person that matters most is YOU.  The truth is, your grades really are very important, and so is your personality.  Don't sacrifice yourself to get friends.  I had long hair that I hated for years just because I was afraid that if I cut it off I would look like a guy.  Don't torture yourself for the sake of other people.  If they don't like you for who you REALLY are, they are detrimental to your soul.  NEVER make it more important to have friends than to love yourself.

So the third rule is: Stay true to yourself.

These facts might help you to LEARN how to make friends.  You can learn how.  Trial-and-error are great teachers.  Make sure to pat yourself on the back when you succeed, and to get back on the horse when you fall off.  I'll tell you a little secret, too - all people have a hard time finding good friends.  Fair-weather friends can be found in bars, for a semester, in the workplace.  Real friends, ones you can count on, are rarer than diamonds.  If you work hard, you may teach yourself the skills that will find you these friends wherever you go.  It's possible; it just depends on how hard you work.  Anything is possible, and if you have the patience, fortitude, and motivation, I'm sure that you can at least find some people to hang out with.

Fear is death.

Experience is worth it.

Stay true to yourself.

Answer 4

ahhhh dont worry! everything wll be ok. its only your first week there, you have plenty of time to get to know people.

there are loads of people like you who dont know anyone- dont feel like youre the only one.

just keep doing what you are doing- make small talk when youre near people, be friendly etc. eventually you'll hook up with someone who is in the same boat as you or shares a common interest. wait until you go to classes then you'll have more of an excuse to talk to people. if you see the same people over and over again, then smile, say hi etc.

honestly, its ok, its normal to feel like you are. we're human.

phone calls to home will help ease your mind over the next few weeks and by then you'll have meet heaps of people!!

keep your head up hun, make an effort to get out and about and meet people. xxxxx

Answer 5

Well try to find some girls that are like you, nomal and stuff and randomly say "..." and just have fun with it.:)

Answer 6

just be comfortable

it takes work, but u have to be natural and confident, dont think about it so much, let socializing come natural

for confidence, try acheiving some goals u set ur self (eg, lose 10 pounds, make it on basketball team, get a 75% average, beat ur friends a WoW)

idk man, u just have self-esteem issues, not the first person to

BTW, eliminate self hate talk such as, i felt like such a loser, or im so awkward, but fill ur brain with positive thoughts about urself, there is always a brighter side to a situation

hope that helps

good luck

Answer 7

You say you feel like a social r****d. Well, you might be. BUT, there's hope!

You might start by calling the psychology department and asking if they have any studies going on for "social retards" or social phobics or anything such thing. Turn yourself over as a guinea pig - you might get free counseling.

Also, you could be able to get cheap help from psychology students nearing their graduation.

As a last resort, antidepressants can work wonders in helping social phobics, if that is your problem.

Answer 8

Don't worry, I had the same issue when i first got to college and as a resident assistant I see it a lot. Its hard when everything is new. Don't sweat it. The reason that college offer so much to do on campus is so students are able to make friends. Make sure you go to study groups, club activities, Religious events (If intersted) and other activities offered on campus. Also the events offered in your residents hall is a great way to get to know people.

By this time next year you'll know so many people that would won't know what to do with your self.

This is normal so don't worry.